200 reasons a beer is better than a woman!!! 1. You can put your beer in the refrigerator and finish it later 2. share your beer with your friends and no one calls it a slut 3. share your beer with your son and no one thinks you are a pervert 4. take your beer to deer camp and share it with your friends 5. tell your beer you love it in front of your friends and no one is going to say dude you are pussy whipped 6. throw your beer out if you get tired of it and it won’t sue you for alimony 7. Your beer does not care how fast you finish it 8. what you smell like 9. Your beer does not care if you forgot: its birthday, Valentine's Day, Christmas, or to pick up the cat from the vets 10. get at little wine on the side 11. get drunk and lose you job, hell there is always unemployment 12. go do your daughter after you knock back five or six cold ones 13. leave the seat up on the toilet 14. love the dog more than it 15. offer a cold one to the cop that just pulled you over 16. sit around the house drinking it instead of looking for a job 17. stay up all night looking at Jap school-girl porn 18. walk around in your underwear all damn day 19. wear the same damned shirt for a week 20. Your beer does not cry if you can’t remember the first time you had it 21. get mad if all you want to do is sit around and watch Chuck Norris reruns 22. Your beer does not get mad if you bet the rent money on the supper bowl and lost 23. dye it green for St Patrick’s Day 24. give it a chain saw for Christmas 25. go bowling with your buddys on your anniversary 26. leave it at a party and go home with a different beer 27. pawn its jewelry to get some more beer 28. stumble in at 3:00 A M and puke on the bed 29. Your beer does not give a shit if you have two or three more that night 30. never asks you “ Does this glass make me look fat?” 31. never gets mad and keys your car if you don’t call it back the next day 32. Your beer never gets mad if you cancel Lifetime and get the live pay-for view of the Ultimate Fighting Championship MMA 33. fall asleep while you are enjoying it 34. fart in bed while you have one 35. get drunk and piss on that ugly house plant your mother-in-law gave you 36. get lost and refuse to stop and ask someone for directions 37. give it to the dog just to see him get drunk and run around and then fall over 38. take its’ younger sister out and leave it home to watch the kids 39. Your beer never says “ Not to night, I have a headache ” 40. wants to know how you feel about anything 41. wants you to come meet my parents 42. Your beer will never ask you to wait in the car while I pick up a few things, and it does not come back for a hour 43. get PMS 44. Your beer will still be there in the fridge after your buddy bails you out for your third DUI 45. Your cold beer is better than your cold woman 46. Your Corona does not give a shit if you do not speak Spanish 47. Your new beer never gets mad if you go back to your first beer and have one for old times sake 48. It’s no big deal when your team loses and you get pissed and throw a beer bottle against the wall 49. No one thinks it perverted if you share your beer with your father-in-law 50. The cops don’t arrest you if you have a beer in a cooler in the trunk of your car 51. A beer chaser is easier to catch 52. does not come with in-laws 53. doesn't bleed one week out of the month 54. doesn't care when you come 55. doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer 56. gets lighter the longer you hold it 57. goes down easy 58. is always satisfying 59. will wait in the car while you go and play football 60. won't get upset if you come home and have another beer 61. won't tell you its pregnant for fun 62. A frigid beer is a good beer 63. A tree is good enough for a beer 64. After you've had a beer, the bottle is still worth 5 cents 65. All you have to do to get over a beer is take a leak 66. Beer doesn't care how much you earn 67. care if you go to sleep right after you've had it 68. complain about farting 69. demand equality 70. grow hair where it shouldn't 71. Beer and "ice" don't mix 72. is always wet 73. is happy to ride in the trunk of your car 74. is never late 75. labels come off without a fight 76. never complains about a wet spot 77. stains wash out 78. won't complain about your choice of vacation--it goes along happily 79. won't drive you to drink 80. Hangovers go away 81. If you pour a beer right, you'll always get good head 82. Its okay to leave a party with a different beer than the one you brought 83. No matter what the package, a beer still looks good 84. The only thing a beer tells you is when its time to go to the bathroom 85. To cool off a beer, all you have to do is put it in the ice box 86. When you go to a bar, you can always pick up a beer 87. your beer goes flat, you toss it out 88. you're interrupted by a beer it's for a good reason 89. You always know you're the first one to pop a beer 90. You are never embarrassed about the beer you bring to a party 91. You can enjoy a beer all night long 92. have a beer in public 93. have more than one beer in a night and not feel guilty 94. put all your old beers together in one room and they won't fight 95. share a beer with your friends 96. shoot a beer 97. You can't catch social diseases from a beer 98. You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good 99. wine and dine beer 100. You don't need a license to live with a beer 101. You never have to promise to respect a beer in the morning 102. A beer ALWAYS goes down easy 103. A beer is more likely to know how to spell "carburetor" than a woman 104. A beer doesn't care when you come 105. get jealous when you grab another beer 106. give a fuck if you keep a bunch of other beers around 107. think baseball is stupid simply because the guys spit 108. think DOS is pronounced "dose" 109. A beer is always ready to leave on time 110. wet 111. A beer never costs you more than five dollars and never leaves you thirsty 112. fishes for compliments 113. A beer will never buy a car with automatic transmission 114. make you go to a Swedish movie 115. make you turn off "Fists of Fury Theater" on channel 5 on Saturday afternoons 116. A beer will actually *support* belching and farting and share your enthusiasm for getting them included as demonstration sports in the Olympic Games 117. not call you a sexist pig if you say "doberman" instead of "doberperson" 118. not insist that those odious Michelin commercials with babies are "cute" 119. A beer won't accuse you of being a sexist pig if you say "Gene Hackman" instead of "Gene Hackperson" 120. accuse you of lying when you say you read Penthouse "just for the articles" (You *are* lying, but the beer accuse you of it) 121. argue that there's no difference between shooting down an unidentified aircraft in a war zone and blowing a Korean airliner out of the sky 122. claim that the Three Stooges are shitheads 123. fill up your car with cheesy 85-octane gas with the excuse: "But I saved a quarter!" 124. get a job as a DJ and play 5 straight hours of lesbian folk music on your favorite radio station 125. get upset if you come home with beer on your breath 126. make you eat some experimental vegetarian meal that tastes like STP Oil Treatment 127. make you go to church 128. make you pick up some tampons when you go to the grocery store 129. raise any objections to an evening of watching "John Holmes' Greatest Hits" on your VCR 130. smoke in your car 131. whine that seatbelts hurt 132. worry that you'll go to jail if you videotape a Giants game without the expressed, written consent of the National Football League 133. After you have a beer, the bottle is still worth a dime 134. you're committed to nothing other than dumping the empty bottle 135. An ice-cold beer will nonetheless let you have your way with it 136. Beer always comes in multiples of six 137. listens and never argues 138. Beer can't give your herpes or other nasty things 139. Beer doesn't bitch, yell, or cry 140. blow you off 141. care if you have no culture or manners 142. complain about insensitivity 143. complain about the way you drive 144. demand equality 145. demand legality 146. get cramps 147. go crazy once a month 148. have a lawyer 149. have a mother 150. have cold hands/feet 151. have morals 152. live with its mother 153. look you up in a month 154. make you go shopping 155. need much closet space 156. need to go to the 'powder room' with other beers 157. pout or play games 158. tease you or play hard to get 159. tell you to mow the grass 160. use up your toilet paper 161. wear a bra 162. whine, it bubbles 163. worry about someone walking in 164. worry about waking the kids 165. Beer doesn't mind being in the "wet spot" that IT left 166. football season 167. getting dirty 168. if you fart or belch 169. Beer is always easy to pick up 170. Beer is easy to get into 171. Beer is never late 172. overweight 173. Beer labels come off without a fight 174. don't go out of style every year 175. Beer looks the same in the morning 176. Beer never asks you to change the station 177. changes its mind 178. complains when you take it somewhere 179. says no 180. Beer stains wash out 181. Beer tastes *good* 182. Beer won't run off with your credit cards 183. Big, fat beers are nice to have 184. If a beer leaks all over the room, it smells kinda good for a while 185. If you mention a "three-hundred-fifty cubic-inch V8" around a beer, it won't think you're talking about an enormous can of vegetable juice 186. take a beer outta the fridge just to look at it but then decide to drink it, the beer won't accuse you of "date rape" 187. Some beers (e g St Pauli Girl) have fabulous tits 188. When beer goes flat you toss it out 189. When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a beer 190. When your beer is gone, you just pop another 191. When you're through with a beer, the thought of another beer doesn't make you ill 192. You always know that you are the first one to pop a beer 193. You can enjoy a beer all month 194. have a beer in public 195. have more than one beer a night and not feel guilty 196. You can't catch anything but a "buzz" from a beer 197. You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good 198. wine and dine a beer 199. You rarely (if ever) find beer labels on the shower curtain rod 200. Your beer will always wait patiently for you in the car, trunk or cooler Any more that I missed? Send them to wordweaver69@gmail.com Thaks to Brian Cains for the last 150 of them.