Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience.
 
 Dateline: 2012.  Walt Disney's animation division is floundering after a
string oh high profile flop projects.  Desperate for a hit, the CEO himself
decides to do a brand new 'reimagining' of their last hit under Uncle
Walt's rein, 'The Jungle Book'.  All of the old holdouts from the original
production have signed on, except one.  This is the never-told true story
of what happened to bring Kaa the snake back to the silver screen.

   Once upon a time in Anaheim...

   "Dammit Kaa, you're killing me!  There's no way in hell Disney will let
you net 5 percent of the foreign gross for a walk-on!  Help me out here."

   "Then there'ssss really nothing elssssssse to talk about Brad.  Good
day. Oh Philippe, ssssssend some of that lotion my way.  My coilsssss are
drying out."

   "Son of a bitch!" Brad Greenberg raged, throwing down his cell phone. 
"I'm going to get this movie made, even if I have to drag that cold-blooded
bastard from South America by my bare hands.  This movie is going to get
fucking made!"

   Brad noticed his latte-holding assistant nearby and cooled off.  The
director knew he had crossed the line.

   "I'm sorry Hiss," Brad said sympathetically.  "I didn't mean for you to
hear that.  I've been going in for auditings at the celebrity center and
it's been helping."

   Hiss, a large Indian python PA, slithered across the fake jungle
soundstage to give Brad his morning coffee.  He took the tip of his tail,
wrapped it around the hot latte, and held it up to Brad's lips for a quick
sip.

   "Don't think anything of it sire," Hiss said.  "You've donated a fortune
to a multitude of snake pride organizations.  And furthermore, Kaa
perpetuates the worst stereotypes and shames Python culture at large.  He
beat that civil case on a technicality."

   Brad looked out on the empty jungle book set and the army of technicians
and lighting riggers doing some last minute adjustments.  Although he would
never admit this to anyone, not even his high priced therapist, Brad
Greenberg was a neurotic wreck.  There was a lot riding on this production.
Not just for the company, but for his career as a director and a consummate
artist.  He'd been roped into an ill-fated romantic comedy starring Dane
Cook and Drew Barrymore as wrongfully accused sex offenders and won a
Razzie that year.  He was one flop away from wallowing in movie jail along
with all of the other Hollywood has-beens.  He was given this project
because he worked on the cheap.  But this wasn't about money.  It was about
respect.  And now his redemption project was being ruined thanks to the
machinations of an over-paid celebrity hypno snake.  What rotten luck!

   Brad sighed, and looked at pity at his meek submissive personal
assistant.  Hiss was a nice kid; always eager to do any degrading thing a
director could ask for.  Hiss didn't deserve the ire he got from the public
at large.  Constant taunts accusing him of mindfuckery and man-eating
whenever he walked down Sunset Boulevard to that flophouse he comes home.
The kid just needed a shot in the world.  And that's when the idea hit him.
Like a bolt of lightning, like a sudden flash of inspiration, Brad
Greenberg knew how to solve his casting problem.  Hiss was going to be
their Kaa!

   "Say Hiss, you ever thought about acting?" Brad asked casually.

   A hypno spiral flashed for a second as Hiss relished the thought.  Brad
could see the enthusiasm beaming on the snakes face and sparkling out of
his eyes.  It was almost mesmerizing.

   "Sire, it's every young snake's dream to be part of the Hollywood
A-List," Hiss explained.  "But I would never be so bold to study to be a
master thespian.  I like it where I am."

   God, this kid was so green, Greenberg thought.  He was almost having
second thoughts about this whole cockamamie scheme, but he was desperate at
this point.  It was either Hiss or nothing.  Move over Sir Anthony Hopkins.
Meet Sir Hiss.

   "Kid, I've never seen such a naturalistic unlearned snake in my life.  I
can't believe I'm saying this, but I think you have the chops to be our Kaa
for the cameo scene."

   Hiss grew woozy with excitement.  Could it be true?  A prominent
Hollywood director just gave him the role of Kaa the hypnotic mancub
charmer in a feature film.  He'd dreamed of having Mowgli in his coils
since he was just a hatchling.  Hiss used to practice out the induction
scene in his bedroom mirror for hours, spiraling his eyes and acting the
scene out line by line to an imaginary audience.  It was a dream come true.


   "I'll do it Sire," Hiss said happily, "I've been preparing for this role
all my life.  Just tell me when you're rolling and I'll be there."

   Brad sighed in relief.  They had their Kaa.  And if the kid stunk on ice
they could always re-dub him with the voice actor from Winnie the Pooh. 
The neurotic director took his place in his foldout chair and called
Mowgli's people to bust him out of the rehab center.  The show must go on.

   A few short hours later, Hiss and Mowgli took their places on the fake
tree branch.  With an electric excitement in the air, Brad shouted
'action', and the Kaa scene from the rebooted re-imagining of the Jungle
Book began filming.  But dear readers, there had been a few changes from
the Jungle Book you've known and loved...

   Justin Bieber readjusted his uncomfortably tight red briefs while a
group of makeup people gave his acne-ravaged face a thorough airbrushing.
Hiss was being oiled up by the bucket load so the sheen of his scales got
picked up by the camera.  The lighting on the set was subdued, a deep dark
blue cast on the intimate scene of boy and snake.  A powerful consortium of
Hollywood perverts had used the teenage pop star's legal consenting status
to unleash a bold new vision of The Jungle Book to the masses.  And come
hell or high water, the first NC-17 Disney movie was going to be made.

   "Okay, places people!" Brad shouted with authority.  "Let's start from
the top.  Aaaaaaaand action!"

   Justin Bieber and Sir Hiss instantly changed over to their characters of
Kaa and Mowgli.  And the old induction scene played on with a twist...

   "Oh, go away and leave me alone!" Mowgli said in his cracking teenage
voice, shoving Hiss's frisky snake coils away from the back of his
loincloth.

   "Oh, that's just what I should do," an off-screen voice passionlessly
said.  Bageera was going to be a strictly CGI creation rendered with James
Cameron's avatar technology.  Morgan Freeman had signed on to do the
panther's voice work in post.

   "Now please go to sleep mancub."

   Hiss, knowing the part by heart, spun his colorful hypnotic spirals
straight in Bieber's face and chewed the scenery with his sing-songy snake
speak.

   "Yesss mancub.  Pleasse.  Go to ssssleeeep..."

   Bieber's eyes grew wide in surprise at the colorful eyes in front of
him. While his mind went blank and his loins grew hot, he groaned at the
realization that they were doing the hypnosis from real.  Brad the director
and insisted on absolute authenticity during the scene.  The eyes that were
taking away what will and wits the teen idol had weren't going to be added
in post.

   "Ughnnnnnnn," Bieber moaned.

   His was slowly and expertly unwrapping the layers of 'Mowgli's'
loincloth, with Bieber in a dazed open mouth expression that signaled his
quickening submission.

   "Sleeeep little sexxxxxx cub, rest in peaccceee..."

   Hiss chuckled at the horny brainless pop star and tossed the modest
loincloth off camera with his tail.  Every camera was zooming in and
covering the obscene erotic display from all angles.  And a few concealed
cell phone cameras were flashing off high in the rafters, belonging to any
number of cast and crew hoping for to be paid handsomely by the National
Enquirer for the pics.  There wasn't a soul on that soundstage that wasn't
aroused and breathless but the hypno insanity happening in front of their
feasting eyes.

   "Sleeeeeep," Hiss ordered jovially.  "And let me get a good tassssste of
you..."

   The snake, once a weak-willed errand boy, took on his new role with a
position of confidence.  He wasn't going to let the snake race down.  He
poured his heart and passion into the role.  Slowly the snake creeped his
encircling coils up Justin's quivering sweaty bod.  The boy's dick was
throbbing and aching for release.  The horniness and brain-dulling
submission was driving him out of his mind.  No pain session in Tom
Cruise's secret dungeon could compare.

   Hiss's coils stopped at Justin's waist and he moved his head in to tease
Justin's hardening nipples.  Hiss flicked his forked tongue at the boy
nubs, making Justin squeak and squeal at the stimulation.  And meanwhile
Hiss hand the end of his tale pumping Bieber's rigid tool for all it's
worth.  Justin bucked and writhed, struggling unconsciously to escape this
constrictling prison of pleasure.  But if need be, the whole crew would
hold him in place so Hiss could finish the take to completion.  The
hypnotized Hollywood teen star was utterly at their mercy.

   Justin spurted thick ropes of mancub juice straight at the camera lens.
This was going to be the money shot of the red band trailer.  Hiss bobbed
his head from side to side, Bieber comically bobbing along with it.  He had
a bright toothpaste commercial smile on his face, and later on the sound
mixer would add a cartoon *PING* to emphasize that 'Mowgli' had been
totally tranced.

   "Okay Mowgli, I have to go now," a crewmember said, reciting Bageera's
lines.  "I hope you make it to the man village.  Bye."

   It was a hasty rewrite, but the screenwriter had been under duress to
get the panther out of the picture ASAP.

   "Oh," Hiss laughed perversely, "he'sssss not going to make to the man
village.  He's ssstaying put in my coilsssssss."

   "Aaaaaaaand cut!," Brad said triumphantly.  "Beautiful Hiss!  We're got
it!  Send it to print immediately!"

   The crew broke out of their lewd ogling of the jungle scene and got to
work preparing the set for the next scene.  The animal handlers were
waiting on call for the Orangutan gangbang sequence.  Brad wiped the flop
sweat from his forehead and sank into his flimsy director's chair.  Anyone
could see it was a full-blown case of Bieber fever, and Brad hoped that in
his present condition Justin would be willing to give him the cure.

   "Ha ha!  Okay Hiss.  Let the boy go and take 5."

   Hiss, annoyed with the sudden intrusion into his hypno fun, had other
plans for the Bieb.  He glared at Brad with his entrancing spirals and gave
his input.

   "No Brad, I don't think I quite got this one.  The boy was quite good,
but I don't think I gave it my all.  We'll have to do a reshoot."

   "Yes Hiss," Brad said dumbly.  "Another take.  As many as we need to get
it right.  You're a visionary."
   "Call me sire," the good sir hissed.