Death by Fucking
© 2005 by Andrew Wiggin
Chapter 8
Dinner
for Three
Andrew’s Story
Donnie and Dee Dee made me lie on the bed and watch a
little TV while they prepared for dinner. Donnie insisted on taking
another shower, though I didn’t for the life of me know why.
Come to think of it, she
insisted that I take a shower too; not together though. I wanted to get
in with her, but she wanted to reset to zero with our relationship and act like
we hadn’t just fucked each other’s brains out. I’ll never understand
women.
There is something
tremendously domestic about watching a woman getting ready to go out; fussing
with her hair, fixing her makeup, all those things women do to make themselves presentable. I found out something about
myself. I like to watch. I felt domesticated. I felt
horny.
I personally thought that
these girls were totally presentable when they were totally nude. But
what do I know? By the time the ladies were finally ready, I wanted to
stay in the hotel room.
I had taken my shower,
thrown on my clothes (slightly the worse for wear), and I was ready. I
didn’t have to fix my makeup or my hair.
All of a sudden I had two
absolutely gorgeous women ready to go to dinner. It was very odd, because
they were dressed exactly the same. Their clothes, their hair, their
shoes, everything was identical.
I was uncomfortable about
something so I thought I would bring it out right then.
“Donnie, Dee Dee, can I ask you both something?”
Both of them looked up
and nodded their heads in unison. This was getting weird.
“First, do you mind if I
refer to you as girls? I never call a woman a girl at the office. I
know it’s a sexist form of address. But when we get personal, I just feel
more comfortable referring to you two as girls rather than as ladies.
Just between us, I mean. Do you have a problem with that?”
They shook their heads,
smiled, and said “No, Andrew.”
I said, “Do you girls
always do everything in unison, or are you trying to freak me out?”
They looked at each
other, turned back to me and both of them had smiles that lit up their
eyes. Dee Dee has this thing. She can
turn on this switch in her head that sends a light from her eyes. It’s
the kind of thing that takes your breath away. Donnie has the same thing,
apparently.
They said, “Maybe.”
Oh, great. Now they
are going to be enigmatic. I just said, “
I opened the door and out
we went, me escorting the two most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. I had
one on each arm, and I could see the looks on the faces of people as we exited
the hotel lobby and made our way to the street. The women looked shocked,
the men looked envious. We drove over to the Ritz
The girls sat to my right
and left and we shared some small talk as we placed our orders. I ordered
a bottle of Mumm’s Cordon Rouge, figuring the
occasion called for as good a champagne as my limited
experience (and budget) could come up with.
Julia Child said that
champagne is always appropriate. There is nothing like a bit of the
bubbly to help people let down their defenses a little bit. The girls
were no different, I guess. Neither was I.
I ordered the rack of
lamb, the same thing I always order when I go to a restaurant good enough to
carry it on the menu. Heck, I’m just a kid. What do I know about
this kind of thing?
Soon after we sat down I
felt a small hand lightly rubbing my erection. Dee Dee
knew that drove me crazy. No one said anything about it, and I certainly
felt no need to point it out. It gave a whole new meaning to the term
first class service.
The girls both ordered
some salmon thing, crusted with pecans or some such thing. It was all
strange to me, but they seemed to know exactly what they wanted. It was
then I learned that they are semi-vegetarians. They will eat fish but no
meat of any kind.
I said, “Whoa! You
mean you don’t even eat tacos? That’s a sacrifice beyond the call of
duty.”
One said, “Andrew, you
can make tacos without meat you know.”
I said, “Sure, but what’s
the point?”
Our meals came and we dug
in. My lamb had this mustard glaze. It was medium rare and just
delicious. I had never had anything better in my young life. I
reached over and touched the hand of the blonde on my right.
“Dee Dee,
honey. Would you like to try a little of my lamb?”
She looked up startled
and just shook her head. I turned and said, “Donnie, how about you?
Rack of lamb, Donnie. Yum, Rack of lamb.
What do you say, huh?”
I was playing with their
heads, seeing how committed they were to this little vegetarian thing.
Suddenly one of them said
“I need to go to the powder room.” Turning to the other she asked “Want
to go with me?”
With that both girls rose
and walked away from me. I wondered if I had offended them with my little
meat ploy. I’ve known vegetarians that were almost militantly
anti-meat. But then, those were usually the vegan types, not the ones
that bent enough to eat fish. Who knows what goes through the mind of a
woman?
In a few minutes they
returned and sat down. A few seconds later I felt a hand return to my
erection. I could get used to eating dinner like this. Still I had
to comment on it.
I turned to the blonde on
my right. “What, is that seat the designated
‘grab Andrew’s erection seat’? You girls are too weird. I like my
brother, but I would never just sit down at his half eaten meal and pick up
where he left off.”
Both girls sat back and
gasped. Suddenly I had two gorgeous girls rush into each arm, crying
their eyes out. I had a head on each shoulder and they were bawling away,
right in the middle of that four star restaurant. I didn’t know what I
had said to cause this. These chicks were emotional.
I tried to calm the
situation. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean you were too
weird. You’re just weird enough for me.”
Dee Dee
calmed down enough to whisper “You knew!”
I didn’t have a clue what
I knew. “Knew what?” I asked.
She said “You knew it was
me!”
Now what the hell was
that supposed to mean? I’ve had some odd experiences in my life, but this
one was a pip. I asked “Who else could you be?”
She was sniffling.
“I could have been Donnie.”
If they hadn’t been
crying I would have thought they were playing with my head. Hell, they
were dressed alike, they ordered the same meal, they
switched places in the middle of dinner. They were playing something, if
not with my head.
I turned to Donnie.
“Donnie, honey, will you please tell me what she is talking about?”
Donnie had stopped
bawling and was now successfully holding back her tears. “You can tell us
apart, can’t you?”
“Of course I can tell you
apart. You’re as different as night and day. Well, maybe
Dee Dee
said “No one can tell us apart. Momma can’t tell us apart. Daddy
doesn’t have an inkling about which is which. People think we’re the same
person. We’re not, Andrew. We’re different people. There are
two of us. No one sees that.”
I tried comforting them.
“Of course you are different people. It’s obvious. You
shouldn’t be concerned what other people think of you. I think you’re
both wonderful.”
I could feel Donnie
stiffen in my arm. She seemed to pull away from me a little bit. I
said, “Donnie, what’s the matter?”
She looked like the tears
were ready to start again. She said, “Now that you know I’m not Dee Dee, how can you love me? You don’t even know me.”
I couldn’t help going for
the laugh. “I know you in the biblical sense!”
That evoked a little
smile and a swat on the arm. “I mean it, Andrew. Don’t be flippant
about this.”
I said “I don’t know how
I can love you. A week ago I didn’t love anyone. Then Dee Dee appeared like an angel and suddenly I was madly in
love. I thought that every loving impulse I was capable of was fully
engaged. And now you are here. And I know you’re not Dee Dee. But I can’t help it. I’m desperately in
love with you, too. I just hope you can learn to feel the same way about
me someday.”
Donnie leaned forward and
gave me a mind-blowing, toe curling, heart stopping kiss. She sat back
and said softly “Someday is today.”
I kissed her cheek and
said “Thank you.”
I felt that small hand on
my dick again. It squeezed it lovingly. I said, “Dee Dee, that’s a habit I’m going to have to break you
of. Maybe in about thirty years.”
She smiled and said, “I’m
sorry, Andrew, I couldn’t help it. You two looked so sweet and loving; I
just wanted to be a part of it.”
I leaned over and gave
her a short loving kiss. Her lips were every bit as soft and alluring as
Donnie’s. Just different. I don’t know
why. Just different.
Finally I said, “Will you
two just eat your salmon and shut the hell up? My $27 rack of lamb is
getting cold here.”
The girls looked at each
other, stood up and changed places again. Dee Dee
said, “I really have no interest in eating Donnie’s dinner, you know.”
“Well why the heck did
you sit at each other’s seats?” I was baffled by this little gamesmanship
that had been going on.
Donnie spoke for the two
of them. “When Dee Dee came out of the bathroom
tonight, you said that you knew there were two of us, even though Dee Dee had never told you that we were twins. By the
way, Andrew, I hadn’t planned it but I want to thank you for tonight.
That was the most wonderful sexual experience I ever had. You are amazing
in bed.”
I guess I blushed a little. I said “Thanks, Donnie. I
practice a lot on my own.”
Both girls laughed and
hit me on each shoulder. Donnie continued her dissertation.
“Anyway, we both were
surprised that you said that. Why did you say that?”
“I don’t know. When I kissed you, when I, ahem, entered you, you felt different.
I didn’t know there were two of you then, I just thought Dee Dee was continuing to be her madly arousing, sensual,
attractive self. She seems to be every woman. She’s a
goddess. I assumed it was Dee Dee in a
different persona. I don’t know; you were just different. When I
saw Dee Dee coming from the bathroom, I was almost
relieved. I thought I was losing my mind, I guess.”
Dee Dee
said “That’s why we did this. That’s why we dressed alike. That’s
why we ordered the same dinner. Well, we both like salmon. Perhaps we
would have ordered the same dinner anyway. But when you offered me a bite
of your lamb, you called me by name. Both of us were shocked. We
went to the powder room and talked it over, then came back and sat in each
other’s seats. We were testing you, Andrew. We didn’t expect you to
pass. No one has ever passed that particular test before. But we
were hoping.”
It was definitely time
for my theory. “It’s a chemistry thing, an electricity thing, some kind
of thing like that. Donnie, I have this theory. It’s a good theory,
and I’m more and more convinced that it has validity.”
“We are chemical
attractors. I felt it from the moment I touched Dee Dee’s hand. At
least she is a chemical attractor for me. Her body chemistry, her
pheromones, her something fits into my receptors.”
“What am I, do I look
like
‘Instead she is this
soft, sexy, beautiful thing. Paul Newman would take one look at her, push
Joanne Woodward aside and say ‘Honey I’m home.’”
“And you’re the
same. The same, but different. You fit me
too. I feel the same things in some different way. Your body
chemistries are obviously identical, so you have to affect me in the same
way. Perhaps it’s your life experiences that separate you. I don’t
know. You’re the same but different.”
Both of their eyes were
shining, and there was liquid in their gazes. Dee Dee
said, “Why did you say that Paul Newman thing?”
I laughed. “What,
are you fishing for compliments? You know perfectly well that you are the
spitting image of Joanne Woodward only thirty years younger. Everyone
must tell you that.”
Donnie said “No one tells
us that. Yes, we have noticed a slight resemblance from time to time.
No one else has ever noticed it before.”
I said “I’ll have to let
you watch The
Donnie asked “What is a
young man like you doing with such old obscure movies? I should think you
would prefer more modern films.”
What could I say?
“I’ve always thought that Joanne Woodward is about the most beautiful woman in
the world. And she’s one of my favorite actresses as well. I have a
lot of her movies. I was watching The Three Faces of Eve just the
other day. A couple of weeks ago I saw a movie on TV,
I think it was called Passions. Richard Crenna
(I think) was her husband and when he died she discovered he had a mistress and
a son she never knew about. The mistress was beautiful, I forget who it
was,
I guess I got a sheepish
expression on my face. “Sorry, I have a tendency to go off on tangents,
don’t I? It’s even worse when I talk about Joanne Woodward. I’m
crazy about her.”
The girls didn’t seem to
mind. Donnie said “You can love Joanne Woodward as much as you want,
Andrew. As long as you think we look like her.”
By this time we were
thinking about desert. Both girls got some fruit tart kind of thing. I
ordered a concoction labeled “Death by Chocolate”. It reminded me of
something that Donnie had said back in the hotel room, just after we were in
the throes of passion. She called it “Death by Fucking”. At the
time, I knew what she felt, because I felt too. It was as if the act was
so intense that we almost died in the process. Just thinking about it
made my erection almost impossibly harder than it had been before. Dee Dee of course noticed, because as usual her tiny hand had
been rubbing my dick through my pants.
This is a woman who can
eat her desert, carry on a conversation, look beautiful, and massage my dick
all at the same time. Her talent knows no bounds.
Her eyes lit up and again
I saw that beautiful dimple. “Andrew, are you experiencing some tenseness
here? Is there anything we can do to make you feel better?”
I told her “At this time
and in this place, there is absolutely no way that I could feel better than I
do right now. At another time and in another place you could probably
think of something that would, in fact, make me feel even better. But not
here.”
She said “We’ll think
about that later. But now we need to talk to you about some things.
Do you agree, Donnie?”
Donnie agreed.
“Yes, I’m convinced that we’ve got to tell Andrew everything; and right now.”
Here we were in this
lovely restaurant, eating this wonderful food, knocking off our second bottle
of my favorite champagne. I was with the two most beautiful women in the
world (to my way of thinking, Joanne Woodward not being available), and one of
them had her hand on my dick.
“What do you need to talk
to me about? Is this the deep dark secret you’ve been hiding from me, Dee
Dee? I had figured it was just the fact that
you and Donnie are twins. Is there more to it than that?”
Donnie nodded.
“There is more than that, Andrew. Twins run in our family.”
That was
interesting. “I read something about that. I heard that there are
families that are more likely to have twins. It skips generations or
something like that, doesn’t it?”
Dee Dee
said, “We’re not like that, Andrew. We always have twins. A
I was a little
confused. “I don’t remember reading about that particular syndrome in the
literature. You’re telling me that every birth in your family is twin
girls? That’s a little hard to believe. Do you mean like your
mother is a twin. So you have an aunt who is your mother’s twin, right?”
Donnie fielded that
one. “Yes, Momma is a twin, but we don’t have an aunt. Aunt Camilla
was killed in an accident when she was five. Our Momma,
whose name is Cassie, still feels the loss to this day. She always
tells us that something is missing from her life. That’s how close we are.’
I laughed. “Donnie
and Dee Dee; Cammie and
Cassie; what’s your grandmother’s name, Betty?”
The girls exchanged a
look. Dee Dee said to Donnie “I told you he was
smart.”
“Smart? That was a
joke, girls. What, was I right? You’re grandmother’s name is
Betty?”
Dee Dee
said “No, her name wasn’t Betty. Betty was her sister. Grandmamma’s name was Barb.”
“I get the picture.
And her mother’s name was Andrea, right?”
“No, her mother’s name
was Annie. Andrea was her sister.”
“Did I say you girls were
too weird? Weird isn’t weird enough to describe you. So who came
before Annie, then? We’re running out of alphabet here.”
Dee Dee
looked like she had made a decision. She said “There were no twins before
them. Annie and Andy were the first.”
My mouth was probably a
little wide open by now. “Wait a minute. Are you saying that this
twin thing started four generations ago? There were two, then there were
four, then there were eight, and now there are sixteen? You’ve gotta be
kidding.”
Donnie answered that
one. “No, it’s not that clean. There have been a few deaths and other extenuating circumstances along the
way. There are only ten of us in the ‘D’ generation.”
“Your telling me there
are ten women running around
Dee Dee
shook her head. “We don’t all live in Georgia (Donnie and I live in
“So the next generation
will be the ‘E’ generation, right?” I could play along, no matter how
crazy this sounds.
Dee Dee
said, “Yes, the ‘E’ generation is next. What would you expect?”
I said “Anything but
this. You’ve got to come up with… Wait a minute.” I pulled a
pen out of my pocket and started writing on a little note pad I always carry
with me. I still have a bit of the nerd in me. “That means you’ve
got to come up with 56 girls names beginning with the
letter ‘E’, right? It can’t be done.”
Donnie looked at Dee Dee. “He’s not as smart as you think he is.
We’re growing arithmetically, not geometrically. And even then your math
stinks. All things being equal, we are doubling every generation, not
squaring. We only need to come up with 20 girls
names that start with ‘E’.”
I rechecked my
math. “Oh, yeah, sorry. I thought we were
looking at some Malthusian explosion that would inundate the world in Joanne Woodwards. Not necessarily a bad thing, but there
wouldn’t be any room for Paul Newman. As a favor to me, please don’t use
Edith or Edna, okay? Wait a minute. Is the math that simple?
Your family only gives birth once a generation?”
Donnie replied
“Yes. We never have more than one set of twins per girl per
generation. That’s the way it has always been and that’s the way it will
remain.”
This was going way over
my head. I’m just a simple little computer geek. “So you are saying
that each of you will eventually give birth to twin girls, is that right?”
Dee Dee
looked a little uncomfortable. “No, Andrew. It’s inevitable that
some of the women of our family die young or bear no children for various
reasons. Until recently we had pretty much decided that our branch of the
twin family was going to end with us.”
I’m a little slow on the
uptake sometimes. “Oh. So you had decided not to have children,
huh? A lot of professional women make that decision. Until recently? Wait, you mean you recently changed
your mind and now you are thinking of having children again? What caused
you to change?”
Both girls were obviously
embarrassed. But in unison they both said “You did.”
I dropped a significant
portion of my Death By Chocolate onto my lap.
Fortunately Dee Dee’s hand was there to catch it.
“I did! Are you
saying what I think you’re saying?”
Dee Dee
screwed up her courage. “Andrew, you’ve said things that made me think
that you looked at us as having a future together. You’ve tried to make
me say the same things to you. You even tortured me, you little
bastard. Well I’m telling you now that you can’t have a future with only
me. We are a package deal.”
I was finally getting my
mind around the whole thing. “So you’re talking marriage, kids, the whole
nine yards, is that it?”
Donnie answered, “We’re
only saying that we want to consider it as a long term possibility. Dee Dee couldn’t even bring the subject up until she knew that
I was willing. Andrew, I’m willing. You might hate the idea.
I half expected you to run screaming from the restaurant and stick us with the
check. But you had to know who we are, what we need. Only you can
decide if you are interested in meeting our needs; or if we can fill your own.”
I might have had a bit of
a shit-eating grin on my face by this time. It was more of a fantasy
thing than anything else. Not the ‘two girls in one bed’ fantasy that one
might expect from such a situation. It was more the fantasy of having Dee
Dee and Donnie there all the time. Just to see
those soft round bodies, those blue-green eyes. Hear those soft southern
drawls. Damn that would be sweet. I made a semi-decision.
“
“I’m willing to try
vegetarianism. But sometimes you just need a Big Mac! You live in Cincy, I live in
“For quite a while I’ve
been considering starting my own business, doing internet development and
custom programming. When I start soliciting business (and I have lots of
friends in the industry I can talk to) I could be up to speed within a few
months. I’ve got all the hardware and software I need at home. It doesn’t
have to be at home in
“I could even join you on
your business trips. All the hotels have data lines in the rooms
now. I can work from anywhere. I could spend a week with Dee Dee in
“Besides, the two of you
probably make four or five times as much as I do. It might be nice living
off of two little rich girls. Just kidding.
I know there ain’t no such thing as a free
lunch. I pull my weight no matter where I am. But I might be able
to give you each some stability, some sense of family while you are living out
on the road. I guess what I’m saying is, it might work. I’d like to
spend some time finding out if we are as compatible as it looks like we are.”
“
Dee Dee
had the grace to look embarrassed. “Sorry, Andrew; I just wanted to be
sure it still wanted us.”
“Dee Dee
let me assure you. Regardless of any other issues that might arise
between us, you should pardon the expression, that is
not one of them. I will never tire of you that way. Never. However, let me quickly add that if you insist
on checking up on me, I won’t object.”
I got that eye lighting
smile again. Then she said “Donnie is only going to be here until
Sunday. I don’t wish to destroy any boyish fantasies you might have been having
about the two of us. But Andrew, we might be a package everywhere else,
but in bed we are individuals and separate. Get it?”
I put a hurt expression
on my face, at least I tried to. “Get what? I certainly don’t know
what you are talking about! I would never think of such a thing. Really. Uh, you’re absolutely sure about this are
you?”
Donnie nodded.
“Certain as can be, Andrew. Sorry, we’re too old fashioned and straight
for anything other than ordinary boring one-on-one interaction, if you know
what I mean”.
I said, “I know what you
mean about the one-on-one part. It’s the boring and ordinary part I’m
having a hard time with.”
Dee Dee
said to Donnie “See I told you he always says the right thing. He is a
world class bullshitter. Andrew, what I’m
getting at is, are you done with us for the night, or would you like some
company after dinner?”
“Dee Dee
you’ve been torturing me for the last hour and a half. And you think I’m
a little bastard? I only tortured you for a few minutes. And as I
remember it, when you agreed to my terms I rewarded you with your heart’s
desire. Well at least I finished you off. If you
think I’m going to walk away from you now, you’re nuts.”
“Well then, why don’t you
drop me off back at the Hyatt. Then you can take
Donnie home to your place. I’ll bet she would like to be put through a
little torture of her own. And you’re just the man to do it to her.”
Donnie was turning
red. “Will you shut up? I don’t have the foggiest notion of what
you are talking about, I’m sure. But I would love to see where you live,
Andrew. Regardless of what the wicked witch of the South has to say.”
“Meow! You girls are going to be fun to
be around, I can tell.