Reader’s Note: This is Donny Swift’s journal, adapted for reading, detailing the events around October 9th Sunday 2016. The Family is preparing for a bike ride through Cherry Lawn Estates.
DONNY’S LOG: STARDATE 47634.44
I don’t normally keep a journal but I was asked to write what happened on Sunday when we went for a bike ride. It was probably just to spare you my mother’s constant descriptions of how it was such a perfect day outside, and how happy she was we were riding around like a family, and isn’t life just peachy, and why don’t you bring a sweater because it may get cold later, and all that mother stuff.
It was not cold and it wasn’t hot – it was nice and cool out. I don’t normally spend a lot of time outdoors, preferring the Lords Watch at Felwinter Peak in the Plaguelands of Destiny. As you may have guessed I’d prefer to be playing a video game than riding around the neighborhood with my family on a bike, but I have to admit I was intrigued by what was happening with my sister.
My father had also made it pretty obvious his request, that we go bike riding, was a request only in the loosest sense of the word and it was definitely mandatory. Dad has a very forceful personality and almost always gets his way - I wish I was more like him.
You probably already know how he was handling things with my sister Taylor. She had always been bratty and a pain in the ass around the house, but I couldn’t have imagined he would actually call her out and try to correct her behavior.
I’ve been fascinated by how far things may go with Taylor. I wanted to see how long it would be until she finally hit her melt down point and told our parents to go to hell. I’ve been shocked that every time I think Dad had finally pushed her too far she huffs and puffs, but she ultimately has accepted his rules.
She had just come downstairs with magic marker scrawled all over her face. It was clearly supposed to look like lipstick, except my younger sister had drawn a big red circle around Taylor’s mouth and given her the exaggerated look of a total whore; that just had her makeup run all over the place.
I had recently heard at school about a website featuring girls from the county next to ours. These were poor trailer park sluts that would flash their tits down at the local swimming pool. I’d been fascinated with these pictures because some of the girls look almost my age or even younger.
I wish there were hot sluts like that living around Cherry Lawn; but slutty girls willing to show their tits and bang a lot of strange guys always seem to be in some far off place like Germany or Asia. The Buckman trailer park was 60 miles away but it may as well have been 6,000 light years with no car and driver’s license.
I’ve jerked off to those pictures a thousand times. The captions are hilarious – a guy named Ted is making this blonde girl do push-ups on top of an older MILF, both naked at the swimming pool. They are 69ing each time she comes down on top of the woman and all these rednecks are watching this like it’s some kind of party. Both sluts have matching tattoos that say “WHORE” written on their ass and the caption reads “Savannah’s pussy is called Skittles because it tastes like a rainbow”.
How did he ever get such a hot girl to agree to that? She is hot enough to be one of the head cheerleaders at my high school and she doesn’t have any problem licking this older woman’s pussy in public? I wish shit like that would happen in front of me one day.
It’s been all I could do not to pop a tent every time my sister bends over to get punished in front of me. Dad has been making her walk around with just an apron on and, even though she is my sister, I can’t stop looking at her ass.
I’ve done my best to be discreet about it so I don’t get called out on it, but I’ve had to jack off four times today just so I didn’t get caught sporting wood. That is two times more than I normally would have by now!
“Hey, your new makeup just gave me an idea,” Dad told Taylor as we were getting ready to leave the house. “Tits out!” he ordered and just like it was nothing my sister pulled her bare titties out of her apron.
This is the same girl that once made my life a living hell for a month because I ACCIDENTALLY walked in on her when she was changing in the bathroom. I told her she should have locked the door and she told me I should have knocked.
“Why would I knock if I didn’t think anyone was in here?” I remember asking her.
She nearly kicked me in the balls and told me that I was supposed to knock to make sure. She had a point, but she pulled prank after prank on me for a month. I still check my bed to see if she put anything in it before I get in every night and this happened six months ago!
Dad pointed to her tits and my sister and said “Can you apply make up to her nipples? Then she doesn’t have to walk around here bare chested,” Dad asked.
“What about two crosses of black electrical tape, Master?” My sister actually SUGGESTED walking around with her tits out if she could wear a little black X of dark tape, like hot suicide girls do in Internet porn? This is a crazy world.
“No, the whole point is that it’s one of the ways to check to see if you are turned on when you should be working and focusing on what you are learning,” Dad dismissed my sister’s suggestion.
I felt so fucking guilty – I shouldn’t be sporting a boner and yet looking at her bare tits it was hard not to. I wish so hard she wasn’t related to me but, honestly, the fact that she is kind of made it taboo and exciting. I just didn’t want to think about that too hard. I felt like Greg Brady peeping on Marsha.
“Can you do that before we leave?” Tom asked my little sister to take care of it.
Why wouldn’t he ask ME to help with Taylor? I guess he thinks I am too big of an idiot or something. That, or he probably didn’t want me drawing all over my sister’s tit with magic marker. If it was up to me I would write “I am a dumb slut bitch” around the circles of her tits.
I am not a sadist or a misogynist by any means – I’ve just seen some hot shit like that on GirlsofBuckman.com recently and it really turned me on.
“I’ve heard some girls paint their nipples with nail polish, Dad!” I was trying to be helpful. It was so over the top and outlandish that we were discussing how to decorate Taylor’s nipples without hiding them entirely. It was surreal but Dad could make it seem kind of mundane and practical in how he addressed it.
“Where did you hear that?” Dad had to ask.
I didn’t want to say that I saw some trailer park sluts do it on a website. I’ve seen some pretty nasty shit on the internet and pretty much masturbated to all of it.
“I’ve heard of women doing that when they are nursing and their baby is biting,” my mom stepped in and saved me.
“Yeah, I think I read that on YouTube or something,” I lied.
“Of course you did Son…, you are always reading about practical solutions to nursing problems.” He knew I was lying. I’ll give my Dad credit – he was no dumbass and could see through pretty much any lie I could think up. He told my mom to help Janie come up with something and sent Taylor with them. “Are you going to change?” he asked me.
I thought he may be asking if I was going to be more responsible now that he was trying to teach Taylor some responsibility. Honestly, I was not really sure what he was teaching Taylor. My mom had given these big speeches when Brandon and Lanny came over about all of it, but I was too busy memorizing every girly crevice between my sister’s legs. When looking at porn I can look at an image every two seconds and go on to the next, but in person I could stare at that sexy backside like it is a work of art for hours before it gets tiresome.
I am pretty quick on the uptake though and quickly realized he was asking if I was going to change into something to go bike riding.
“I was going to go like this, Dad,” I said and asked how long this bike ride was going to be anyway.
“You have some hot date to get to, son?” Dad was joking but I could tell he knew I had no date and was kind of rubbing it in that I am a loser.
“No, I just want to get back because me and the guys are going to do a Wrath of the machine raid at 4:30 and I am raid leader,” I said.
I don’t know why I expected sympathy or consideration from him about that. He said what he always says in these cases.
“Ooh raid leader? That will look excellent on your University application. Don’t forget to put how many points you scored down. I am kidding son, what I mean is it will look good on your resume at McDonalds when you apply to work the fry machine,” he patted me on the head and told me, “We’ll be back when we are back.”
Dad can be such an asshole some times.
That is good and bad though, because right now he was being a much bigger asshole to my sister and I was loving it. She had been outside setting up my bike after she’d just pumped up the tires for me. She had on a punk rock collar, white cotton panties, a white bra, a white apron, and high heels. It was fucking hot! I love to see bra straps exposed on a girl’s back and even though it was my sister – from behind it was just bra straps on a girl’s back.
I couldn’t even imagine if she was embarrassed or not. Taylor has a very tough exterior and why should she be embarrassed anyway? She is a hot chick and they can get away with anything.
If I was standing outside in panties and an apron, that would be fucking humiliating; but when a hot chick does it people drive by and honk or wave – which happened more than once while she was out there.
I changed into a pair of cargo shorts like Dad told me to do. I was already downstairs and out at the bikes before the others.
“Having fun Fart Face?” I asked my sister while trying to hide my hysterical laughter.
She was standing by her jet black bike with her heels in her hands facing the road so that people driving by couldn’t see her panties. We don’t live on a very busy street, but there were a couple cars now and then.
“Hardee har har, sir,” Taylor sarcastically answered me. She is such a bitch she wasn’t even going to give me the satisfaction of looking miserable while I gloated. “You having fun being a loser that no girl wants to date, Sir?”
I didn’t answer her question. “Ah, I love it when you call me Sir!” I told her, so that I could divert the conversation back to her misery and not my total failure to be popular at any high school I’ve ever attended. “You are going to go out with Brandon or are you just jerking his chain, Fart Face?”
I loved, loved, loved, calling Taylor, Fart Face. Aside from being able to see bare pussy and tits all afternoon, whenever she was punished, I think calling her that was the part I liked best about this.
“If Master lets me, then yes Sir,” Taylor answered.
I wasn’t sure what to make of that response. It wasn’t sarcastic and I couldn’t tell if she was lying or not. “If this is all some big ruse you are playing to goof on Brandon then I will…” I wasn’t sure what I would do.
“You will do what, Sir? Something that isn’t being done to me already?” Taylor knotted her eytbrows at me. She could send ice daggers straight to your heart with her piercing blue eyes. She had Dad’s eyes and they could stop me mid-sentence with just a sharp glance. Scotty and Janie had his eyes too – I was the only one with shit-brown eyes. “This is all some elaborate game I orchestrated to humiliate myself and show you my ass so that I could date your friend, Sir?” Taylor croaked sarcastically.
She had a point, but I wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of acknowledging it. “You’ve done much worse for far less,” I said and turned around to see my asshole brother walking up.
“Having fun Fart Face?” he asked her.
“I already asked her that,” I told Scotty not hiding the fact that I was annoyed.
“Well, I didn’t hear you, Dick Lick!” Scotty cussed like a sailor when my parents weren’t home, but now that Dad had laid out new rules he didn’t care if he heard us.
We traded insults while we waited for Mom and Janie. Aside from Taylor they both took the longest to get ready and I guess they have a lot of women stuff to do. It seemed simple – all they had to do was put on a pair of shorts, but they took twice as long as we did.
Dad came out next and asked my sister, “Having fun, Fart Face?”
Scotty and I both laughed at the same time and he asked us why that was funny.
“It just is,” I told him.
Mom came outside next, wearing what she always wears for situations like this. A really unflattering top and mom jean shorts that look like she bought them in 1987. “I didn’t know they made stone wash jeans in short form,” I said.
Mom ignored my witty joke and began nuzzling my dad to thank him for the gift he brought her. If there is one thing I can say about my mom and dad, it is that they are very much in love and always doing nice things like that for each other.
I hoped one day I would meet a woman like my mom who would appreciate all the nice things I did for her too. All the girls of my generation seem like shallow cunts though.
I can say ‘cunt’ now because Dad said that was totally fine.
Janie was the last one out of the house and Dad even laughed that it was usually Taylor who held everybody up and made us wait.
“Sahw-Ree!” Janie shouted an exaggerated apology from the doorway, but she was not sorry in the least. My older sister could be a complete unapologetic bitch, but the difference is Taylor did it because she was mean and had no sympathy for wasting anyone else’s time. I think my younger sister is just kind of oblivious and doesn’t really think things out. Janie tends to live in the moment.
Janie was wearing a skin tight pair of yoga stretch pants that showed off her butt and gave her a little camel toe. She didn’t have one of those giant catcher mitt style camel toes, but the hint of her slit was visible through the shorts. She had on a pink Hunger Games shirt with a picture of Catness on it and no bra, so that her budding tits pressed up against it.
I was shocked Mom and Dad didn’t say anything to her about changing into something a little less revealing. I understood Taylor had to step out in nothing at all, but sometimes my youngest sister is so naïve she doesn’t realize the entire world can see the outline of the crack of her ass – or she simply doesn’t care if they do.
I felt a little guilty for checking her out. My younger sister had never before registered as “Hot” to me, but I think seeing Taylor in the apron I was now painfully aware that my little sister had a cute little butt as well.
I also have a thing for hot chicks in Yoga pants. I even know a few Tumblr pages that feature nothing but girls in stretchy pants and white tank tops. The fact that it is so common now made it probably seem pretty normal for a girl Janie’s age; to wear something that, if it was flesh-colored, would look like she was wearing nothing at all.
Mom gave my little sister a disapproving glance. I knew that look pretty well, having received it on many occasions in my life. As I said about Janie though she is kind of oblivious, so it went right over her head and she hopped on her pink bike ready to go.
I love how the banana shaped seat kind of looks like a dick and when a girl sits on it that it looks like she is sitting on a dick.
Wouldn’t it be great to be reincarnated as a girl’s bike seat and let them set their hot, sweaty pussies right on your forehead as they grind down on you and pedal their sweet asses off?
Oh god, I need to jerk off. How long is this fucking bike ride? Maybe we can stop some place on the way that has a bathroom and I can rub one out quickly so I can get my mind out of the gutter.
We rode down our street together as a family. Dad insisted we all stay together and that Taylor ride directly in front of him with the high heels hanging from her mouth.
She looked absolutely ridiculous, but she did as instructed. I wished I could take a picture on my cell phone to prove this was happening for when, in a few months from now, Taylor says she never did this.
It would also help a lot when I need to rub one out. I know it’s my sister, but a girl riding around showing white cotton panties on a bike in broad daylight is hot as shit.
It’s not Slutsofbuckman.com hot – they actually jog through the trailer park naked! They probably do it early in the morning when no one is awake; but still, that takes some serious balls – not that those sluts HAVE actual balls but you know what I mean.
We rode past a little park near our house. It had a swing set and playground but no one was there.
“Hah, white people have parks in their neighborhoods like this,” Scotty joked.
“Have you lived in a black neighborhood to know what they have?” I argued back, while we pedaled next to each other.
“No, but I am just saying. In affluent white neighborhoods they just build parks for nobody basically,” he said.
“It’s for us to use,” I explained that it was for the neighborhood kids that lived here.
“Yeah, but we don’t use the playground. We are too busy playing videogames, so the park is really for nobody,” Scotty argued.
Scotty and I argue about stupid shit like this all the time. I only use this one example so you didn’t get the impression we JUST talked about Taylor’s ass or something. I won’t bore you with the pointless banter but just imagine we were doing this the entire time, to pass the time, as we rode around looking at these big, beautiful four and five bedroom homes in the neighborhood.
“Does dad think the make-up I did for Taylor doesn’t look beautiful? Is that why he is making her go to school like that?” I overheard Janie ask my mom while we were riding.
As I said – she can be pretty oblivious and has a hard time picking up on sarcasm.
“Your father has his reasons,” Mom replied. Mom is Dad’s number one fan in the world. There is no bigger cheerleader for whatever he says than her, so if you ask her if Dad is wrong about something then the answer is always going to be no.
“You can ask ME a question if you want to know what I think, Janie” Dad had overheard her too. My younger sister was brash and loud, so everyone must have overheard her. “The reason I asked for you to paint your sisters face like you did every day is that she needs to appreciate being permitted to do it herself and choose the style she wants. This will take her out of her comfort zone and also give you an opportunity to practice makeup and spend a little time with her,” Dad smoothed things over perfectly with an excellent explanation. I was envious he could communicate like that with people, without seeming awkward like me, and yet remaining bluntly honest with them.
“Some people that see her are laughing though,” Janie pouted.
“Everybody is laughing,” Scotty chimed in.
“Why are they laughing, son?” Dad asked while we turned onto another street in our neighborhood.
“Because she looks like a hooded dick pirate that just sailed across the slut sea,” my brother boldly cussed right in front of my father. I wouldn’t have dared to have been that graphic, but Scotty is more of a risk taker than me.
“How would you even know what a hooded dick pirate looks like, Scotty?” Dad asked him.
If I didn’t think Taylor was incapable of it, I would say that she was blushing when Scotty said that about her.
“You know, on the Internet,” Scotty explained. “Just google ‘hooded dick pirate’ and there it is,” he laughed.
“You really shouldn’t be googling things like that though,” Dad explained that Scotty didn’t really answer the question about how he knew what a hooded dick pirate was in order to actually google it in the first place.
“The kids these days with their Internet,” my mom shook her head in disgust. “How can they not be aware of all this stuff when everything I read on the news is about a naked university where the students run around for a week going to class completely naked or a teacher that became a stripper after she said one of her students seduced her,” Mom explained.
“Google is showing you news like that because you did some search for dirty stuff and it thinks you are interested in hearing about it,” I explained – I know a lot more than my mom will ever know about technology.
“Hah, smart boy,” Mom joked back that she only uses Yahoo for news.
“Who the hell still uses Yahoo?” I laughed.
“Forget that,” Scotty interrupted and said he wanted to transfer to the high school where a hot teacher, that could be a stripper, would date one of her students.
“Trust me, if she was dating a student he probably looked like Bradley Peyton and nothing like you, Sir,” Taylor said.
That was actually tame compared to how hurtful she could actually be. She was absolutely right. Bradley was a Senior and a Star Quarterback. He was a High School Adonis that was dating the head cheerleader. He looked like a grown man and needed to shave.
“Shut up, Fart Face! You aren’t allowed to talk out here,” Scotty sneered at her.
“This is a family bike ride so your sister is allowed to be respectful and speak,” Dad said. I still wasn’t clear on what the rules were supposed to be. Mom had written a bunch of things down but no one had shown me. He informed Taylor that it’s safest if she spoke only when spoken to. But, if on family events like this she wants to talk that she may – as long as it is respectful. He told her she would be punished when we stop.
“You are going to spank me out HERE, sir?” Taylor was incredulous over the very notion Tom would make her bend over in broad daylight in Cherry Lawn Estates. The houses were close together with very small lawns. They all looked alike, with slightly different shades of beige or blue, like any affluent suburb and even though there were not many people outside – there was definitely the risk someone would see.
“Tsk, tsk,” Dad shook his head that she had such a small imagination. “You have been in discipline for barely a day and you already think the only tool in my tool box for discipline is to apply pain to your ass, the way you are a pain in everyone else’s? I have as many ways to punish you as you do ways to annoy people.”
“Taylor would like to date a boy from her school, Sir,” Mom had started calling Dad Sir too. I didn’t know if I was supposed to start doing that too but I just pretended not to notice. I would make him tell me I had to call him sir if that was the new rule. I certainly wasn’t going to volunteer, but if Mom wanted to start calling ME sir too I definitely wouldn’t complain.
If Mom and Fart Face started calling Dad Sir and Fart Face had to call me Sir – it stood to reason after all.
It’s not that I like people to stroke my ego or anything, but I could definitely get used to being treated like King Shit all day.
“Oh really? She would LIKE to do that would she?” Dad was intrigued and about to deny it right out of hand.
“My best friend Brandon,” I pointed out before he said no to it automatically.
“Why Brandon?” Dad seemed surprised.
“Why NOT Brandon?” I asked, as if there was something wrong with him.
“I don’t mean it disrespectfully,” Dad said that was quite to the contrary. “He is a good kid, respectful, honest and nice. That isn’t Taylor’s type – she likes goth boys in skinny jeans that listen to rap-metal,” Dad asked.
“Brandon asked me, Sir,” Taylor said.
That was actually kind of sweet.
“You didn’t manipulate him into asking you so that you can get out of your punishment for a night, ditch him as soon as you are out of the parking lot, and go see your friends?” Dad asked skeptically.
“I ask that you continue the same rules you have for me when I am on the date and I told him that, because he wondered the same thing, Master,” Taylor said.
It was kind of hot she called Dad “Master”. It was creepy but hot.
Dad hadn’t actually told Taylor she had to call him Master. He just let her do it. I was kind of envious, but being called Sir was still pretty sweet.
“I’d love to see how that experiment pans out, but I told Mr. Vulgus you can’t babysit because you are under restrictions that would make it impossible and that you need constant supervision. So I can’t really see how I can justify sending you alone on a date,” Dad shook his head no.
I felt bad for Brandon, but I figured he would have gotten stood up anyway by my sister. It wouldn’t be the first time a girl agreed to go out with him and then changed her mind. This time though it was my Dad who said no.
“If she could arrange a double date for me with Summer, then I could go with them and make sure she follows the rules and doesn’t run off, Dad!” I offered. That would be a win-win. Summer was hot and while she wasn’t exactly my type, and was completely out of my league, I thought it was worth a shot.
“Why not Kimber? She is hotter!” Scotty chimed in.
“Kimber is a dude!” I thought he knew that Kimber was transgender. She could definitely pass for a girl and used the girl’s restroom, but she had boy parts.
“Kimber is transgender? Hasn’t she spent the night in Fart Faces room?” Dad asked.
I could see my mom cringe.
“Yes, she has and no we didn’t do anything, Sir,” Taylor said.
“Did you know about this?” Dad asked my mom.
“Yes Sir,” Mom admitted.
“Punish her when we stop too, Dad!” Scotty cheered.
Dad looked over his shoulder at Scotty with a glare and said that he would deal with this matter privately and think about Taylor’s date. I was left wondering if that meant I’d get to double date with Summer. I assumed probably not – I never catch a break.
There was an awkward silence for a good 10 minutes because no one wanted to talk about that subject again.
We rode past a community pool that I never knew was there.
Mom shrieked at how happy she was to know there was a pool we could all use. She had been going on and on about how the weather was so perfect and how she loved the subtle change of season. There were people swimming in the pool but not many. Mom asked if we could go swimming later.
“Not tonight,” Dad said that he wanted to get back home to go over the ‘big speech’ with Summer and Kimber. He wanted them to report on her behavior at school. I volunteered to do that for him, but Dad basically laughed at me and acted like I wouldn’t be able to do it.
He probably thinks I’d like to get her in trouble, but the fact is I would probably only need to lie a little bit. Taylor would definitely get up to some kind of mischief on her own without any need for me to make up anything.
I will admit I didn’t want to help strictly because I wanted to see an improvement in Taylor’s behavior. I honestly think you can’t polish a turd – and that any improvement in Taylor would just be her faking in order to get one over on Dad.
I noticed some hot girls in the swimming pool. They had on skimpy bikinis that were way smaller than the panties and bra Taylor had on and they had rode their bikes to the pool. Taylor could have probably worn just the panties and bra and had more covered than they would.
I think it was just taboo because these are obviously underclothes and the bikini is considered normal in public.
I had no interest in swimming or anything athletic, but I made a mental note that I should probably pretend to like swimming so I could come lurk around the pool and look at the girls. I don’t think any of them could get away with wearing something as skimpy as the string thongs that they do at the GirlsofBuckman website, but I decided to suggest it.
“Hey Dad, maybe we could get a thong for Fart Face and send her for a few laps at the pool?” I laughed.
“That is not a bad idea, Son,” Dad said that he would think about it as well.
Taylor glanced at me with her nose scrunched up like she’d just smelled an actual fart.
“Hey don’t be mad at me,” I said, telling her that I was only trying to help think of ways to put her on the straight and narrow and help her learn her lesson. I was not sure how dressing up in a hot bikini would do that exactly but I wasn’t going to question it.
“Yeah, you aren’t trying to think of ways to humiliate me and reasons to come creep on girls at the pool, Sir. My mistake. You are thinking of ways to correct my behavior and put me in my place,” Taylor nailed me with a very caustic observation.
It would have been less embarrassing if it wasn’t totally true.
I was quiet for a while as we started to reach the end of the suburb that exits into a strip mall.
I was ready to turn around and head back. I wanted to play video games, but I also didn’t think Dad dared to take us into the much busier shopping center.
He would.
Not only was my sister Taylor wearing only a bra, panties, and apron, but I wasn’t sure if he’d noticed how Mom and Janie were dressed.
Mom wore very ugly, plain blouses and mom jean shorts, but there was one thing that really made her stand out. She had gigantic tits. I had snuck a look at her bra one day and the label said 36GG. I didn’t even know they made anything bigger than a double D. I’d assumed that was for the biggest titties out there.
I don’t think Mom’s boobs are fake because they jiggled and hung kind of naturally off her chest. She chose not to wear a bra while we were bike riding – I don’t think she liked them much because I never saw her wear one, and yet her tits were always well supported. Mom’s mighty tits swung back and forth like a pendulum as she rode the bike and pumped her feet all the while her bubble butt was moving from side to side.
Mom knew how to walk with class and elegance, but she could also draw all my friends’ eyes to the way she moved. She had one of those milkshakes that brought all the boys to the yard.
I never thought of Janie as sexy, and she really isn’t to me, but she was wearing those tight yoga pants.
Sitting on the bike while bent over you could see through the black material to her little peach of a butt crack. You may think I was tired of seeing butts or at least had been satiated, but I watched her wiggle her cute little butt almost the entire ride through Cherry Lawn; in part because Taylor was in front of Dad and Janie was in front of me.
Dad urged us into the parking lot anyway.
This was a standard shopping center with a Petco, Olive Garden, Barnes and Noble book store, and those chain stores that everybody has seen before.
“I heard they have Magic the Gathering at that Barnes and Noble!” Scotty told me enthusiastically.
“Magic the Gathering is gay,” I said of the card game. I had played it many times but that was years ago.
“You are gay!” Scotty shot back at me.
As I told you earlier, this is the level of witty discourse between my brother and I that constantly goes back and forth that I spared you from for the most part.
Dad pointed at an old Office Max building that had long since shut down. “Hey, a Halloween Store!”
The sign read SPIRIT and it looked like it was a hastily installed Halloween supply store. I had almost forgotten it was going to happen in a few weeks.
“Trick or treating is gay,” Scotty said.
“I am going to make you both actually say that to a real gay person one day and see how you feel after he kicks both of your asses for equating something boring or stupid with his sexuality,” Dad promised.
That put an abrupt end to our observations about things that were gay for that day.
Trick or treating was gay though. I hadn’t done it in years. I would rather stay home and play video games than stomp around dressed as a Power Ranger or Ninja for what amounts to about 3 dollar’s worth of fun size candy. I mean, being a Ninja is pretty cool, but that is a lot of walking for that little bit of candy.
“What do you want to be this year, Janie?” Mom asked my sister as we parked our bikes.
“A vampiress! No, Wonder Woman. No, Fiona from Adventure Time! No, Princess Bubble Gum! No, Harley Quinn!”
Ever since the movie Suicide Squad came out this summer my sister has been talking about Harley Quinn nonstop. I think it was one reason she hadn’t really freaked out about seeing Taylor’s bare boobs and butt around the house. Janie used to think bare bottoms were totally gross but after she saw that movie she had changed her mind about it and thought it was cool because Harley Quinn casually showed both in the movie like it was no big deal.
I’d always thought girl’s bare butts and boobs were cool – long before that movie – and they were always a big deal!
Dad told Taylor to secure the bikes with their chains. She had two minutes to join us inside. He didn’t wait for her to acknowledge him and we followed him inside without looking back.
The store was huge – much larger than it needed to be for what little stock they had.
“A lot of the good shit is gone,” Scotty said loudly.
“Scotty!” Mom chided him for using the word shit in public.
“What? Dad said I could say shit if I wanted to,” Scotty defended himself.
“I think I said to use your best judgment for what is appropriate and that as it relates to your shitty sister and the shitty things she does or her taking an actual shit, then it would be appropriate. But just walking into a store like this and shouting out vulgarities is not appropriate. You have to consider that not everyone in here wants to hear that kind of language. It is one thing what we do in the privacy of our own home but we are in the vanilla world now,” Dad explained.
“I love Chocolate!” Janie exclaimed.
I wasn’t sure what Dad meant by Vanilla but I don’t think it had anything to do with Ice Cream. I found it best to just nod with Dad and act like I was in total agreement.
One thing that is super gay is walking around the Halloween store with your parents while they look at Halloween decorations and laugh.
This place also had creepy dolls and electronic spiders that sang songs. It had phones that you pick up and someone says “Don’t hang up” like a serial killer that scared Janie shitless. They had all the hokey crap they had the year before, only more expensive and slightly better.
When Taylor walked in the bell chimed and I heard giggles from the cash register. I instantly recognized one of the voices of the girls working here. It was Hope Miller, the head cheerleader. She was a total fox. Tall, thin, nice tits, long blonde hair and blue eyes – total angel face and cutie pie.
I wanted to distance myself from my parents and my absurd looking sister, but that was probably not going to happen. It didn’t really matter since I didn’t have a chance in hell with this girl anyway.
“Taylor? OMG, what are you supposed to be? Some kind of slutty dick pirate?” Hope giggled with her friend. I knew her too – well I knew OF her. Gloria Jenkins was another super-hot senior girl on the cheer squad. The cheerleaders in my school are beyond 10 and ultra-competitive.
The manager at the register apologized for them. Obviously when you are hot, like they are, you can pretty much do what you want at a job like this and they will put up with it.
Their manager was a tall grey-haired man with a beard and mustache. He saw Taylor.
“Are you here to return the slutty chef costume?” he asked.
Taylor did have on an apron and panties with some fucked up slutty makeup, so I could see why only in a Halloween store could that seem normal for some reason. The fact you could see her bra strap and the outline of her bra was not that unusual either. The girls on the High School running team wore ultra-light shirts with no sleeves and you could see their sports bra when they lifted their arms.
It may be common but it was still hot to see an exposed bra strap or bra cup being worn out in public.
“No sir,” Taylor replied.
“What is that costume then? Slutty Nurse? Slutty Doctor? Slutty Mental Patient?” he asked, and to each one Taylor said no.
“It’s home made,” my Dad walked up and answered for her.
“Okay, it just looks like one of ours,” the manager nodded with a smile.
“My sister is going trick or treating this year just as a Slutty Slut,” Scotty chimed in with a costume idea of his own as a joke.
“Clever idea!” the manager’s churlish expression seemed like he was inspired to create a costume that cut out the middle man entirely and, instead of slutty cop or slutty fire fighter, just went straight slutty slut.
“Are there any costumes for girls that do NOT begin with the word slutty?” Janie asked impatiently. She was here for a costume for her – any talk of slutty or anyone else was cutting into that. She could be laser-focused when she had a goal, just like our father.
The manager checked the two aisle of adult women costume and it seemed it was donning on him for the first time that there really weren’t that many non slutty costumes. “We do not have a lot of demand for those kind of costumes,” he acknowledged before pointing out a small section of Disney inspired outfits.
Some of which were very slutty versions of classic Disney Princesses called the “Descendants”. They had a Snow White half-top with the word “Fairest” printed on the front.
“Hey Donny!” Hope recognized me and smiled enthusiastically. I had hoped she wouldn’t see me with my totally weird family but I stood there trying to seem relatively cool anyway.
“Having fun are you?” I meekly croaked out. My voice even cracked in the middle of my awkwardly phrased sentence.
“Yoda you are not, lame you are, Padawan,” Scotty didn’t help when he adopted a Yoda style voice to make fun of what I had just said.
“What are you doing here?” she asked me. She had the most beautiful pearly white smile and the purest of complexions. It was like drinking milk just looking at her all-American dimples.
“I am shopping with my family,” I stumbled with the words but at least I said them in the right order that time.
“Oh, I had no idea you were related,” she giggled and displayed her dimples. She was wearing a skimpy Renne Faire style wench costume that showed a lot of cleavage and her tits jiggled when she laughed. I was pretty sure the manager who hired her tried to keep her laughing all the time. “I thought maybe you were on a date or something with her,” she added.
I had tutored this girl before and I knew she was actually smart, but she came off silly and goofy at times too. I think it was to help blend in with the popular kids and it made her less intimidating, but I admire intelligence in a girl. I also admire nice boobs and a pretty face though, and she definitely had those!
“We both have the same last name,” I said. I hadn’t meant it to sound harsh or sarcastic, inferring that I thought it should have been obvious Taylor was my sister, but it came out that way.
“I dunno,” Hope could be shallow and act like an air head, but with a body like hers that was fine with me. “Some guys like to date their sisters,” she giggled.
“Nope, not dating anybody,” I said trying not to sound miserably hopeless. I excused myself so I could find a deep hole and bury myself in it. The rest of the family told the manager they were just looking.
“How do you know that girl, Son?” Dad seemed actually impressed that I knew a pretty girl from school. I guess he didn’t think it was possible.
“That is Hope Miller,” I explained that she was the most popular girl at school and everyone knew her.
“She looks JUST like Dove Cameron, the girl. I am not sure if she played Liv or Maddie on Liv and Maddie!” Scotty observed.
I thought the same exact thing, but I told him it was sad he knew the name of the Disney star who starred on Liv and Maddie, adding, “Dove played BOTH characters.”
“It’s not sad YOU know?” Scotty made a fair point I hadn’t considered when I started my criticism.
“I only know because Hope looks exactly like Dove Cameron!” I would never concede any of my brother’s points under any circumstances and I wasn’t going to start now.
“She really liked you,” Dad told me with a sense of pride, ignoring our bickering back and forth.
“She doesn’t like me,” I said that she was nice like that to everybody. “I tutored her in Physics and she got a B so she always calls me her brain. She doesn’t LIKE-LIKE me, if you know what I mean, she maybe likes me, but she doesn’t actually LIKE LIKE me,” I said – confusing even myself.
“If I can get Sir Donny a date with Hope for Friday, may I please go out with Brandon on a double date with them, Master?” my sister offered in a surprisingly unprecedented offer of generosity.
Dad made her say it louder because she had said it softly. I was skeptical when my sister came bearing gifts – they usually contained dog poop or unfolded laundry with some weird stain on them. I didn’t think she could pull that off anyway and get me a date with the most popular girl in school, even if she was on the up and up about it.
“Gee thanks Dad, do you think you can have her say it on the P.A. because I don’t think everybody in the store has heard yet,” I said sarcastically. I should have been thankful my sister made the offer, especially considering I had been laughing at her all day and staring at her rack. I thought she probably had an angle or was going to just ask her so that she could show Dad how I got shot down.
“That was unexpected and actually nice of you, Fart Face,” Dad chuckled. “I think Donny can fight his own battles and if he wants to ask her out and she says yes, then I will make an exception so you can go on your date; but if you break my trust then I will place further restrictions on you,” he agreed.
“Is there anything in particular you are looking for?” Gloria Jenkins the brunette that was standing next to Hope asked.
I wanted to say that I was looking for a blow job and ask if she was delivering, but I knew that would get me slapped.
“Do you have a Miley Cyrus’ Hannah Montana costume for my brother?” Scotty was clearly joking.
The beautiful girl had as much trouble as Janie detecting sarcastic humor and asked him what size.
“Something in an extra dork? I think he could also fit into a medium butt munch?” Scotty answered blithely.
“Do you have something in a pink Fairy God-mother costume for Scotty?” I just said the first thing that came to my mind, even though my come-back was just saying the same basic thing my brother had.
“I want the full on Harley Quinn costume! The collar and everything, just like my sister would wear!” Janie demanded.
“Ignore them, please,” Dad apologized for us and asked where the dressing room was.
“Do you have something you need to try on?” she asked him.
“Sure,” Dad picked the first costume within arm’s reach and she pointed out the dressing rooms in the back.
Dad took Taylor by the hand and reminded her that he had forgotten his promise from earlier. I knew that meant he was going to punish her. I was surprised he didn’t take down her panties right there in the store and blistered her ass red.
I would have.
Ok, I probably don’t have the balls to actually do that, but it was hot to think about my sister having to do it if I said so.
We browsed around the store while my father punished Taylor. I heard the sounds of her uncomfortably whining coming out of the dressing room and my imagination went wild with whatever he was doing to her.
Gloria came back with the two costumes we requested and asked if we wanted to try them. I thought it had been obvious we were kidding. She handed us the wig and sequined Hanna Montana dress and the pink fairy god mother leotard with matching tu-tu and wand, as if we’d actually wear them.
The Harley Quinn costume was actually very hot – way too hot for my parents to let Janie wear it in public. Then again – it was actually tame compared to what Taylor would have on. The collar had the word “Puddin’” on it and the shirt said “Daddy’s Lil’ Monster”. It came with a tiny plaid skirt and a blonde pig tail wig.
Janie was beside herself, “ ‘Daddy’s Lil Monster!’ that is so me.”
I kind of envied Janie the most of all my siblings because she is so naturally beautiful and athletic. She even looks good when she smiles, and she has braces. I’d looked like a cross between a villain’s henchmen that has to fight James Bond and an extra from Revenge of the Nerds when I’d had braces. She will probably grow up to be a Supermodel; but honestly – life creates any opportunity the Janie Swifts and Hope Millers of the world want.
“Uh thank you,” I said. When a hot teenage girl hands you something – I don’t care what it is. You take it.
“You guys should totally wear that this Halloween!” Janie suggested with a grin.
Mom laughed and said that would be pretty funny after she saw the grim look on our faces. “It will be fun. You have done Transformers, GI Joe, Ninjas, Mutant Turtles. You are both over trick or treating seriously – so why not do one just as a goof,” Mom said.
We looked for some place to put them back discretely. We didn’t want to make Gloria think we asked for them and just set them down to waste her time, but there was no way I was putting on either of those costumes.
“No way, Sis is wearing that slutty apron costume, that is enough,” I said.
“I thought she was going as a puppy!” Scotty picked up a dog tail, and ears.
“Furries!” I chuckled. I had never understood the fetish, but a lot of girls on YouTube make videos dressed up as cats or dogs in sort of anime’ style. I’ve watched them and whacked off to them – but I can’t say I understood them. I just assumed it was a cry for some kind of attention and a way to be weird while Cosplaying.
Mom looked at Scotty as if he should hush his mouth. I wasn’t sure what was going on but there was something they weren’t telling me.
“So which one of you stud muffins is going trick or treating as the Fairy God Mother from Fairly Odd Parents? I used to love that cartoon,” Hope snuck up on us from behind and picked up the costumes we’d set down to hand them back to us.
“I love it too! Wanda and Cosmo!!” Janie seemed to be on the same wave length as Hope. Janie said she WAS Chloe Carmichael and jumped up and down excitedly.
I made a mental note to watch the show, or at least google that, so I could see who they were talking about. There was probably porn of it so I would most likely google it with the word “Rule 34” as part of the search string (and then masturbate to it).
“He is going as Wanda, do you want to go trick or treating as his Cosmo?” Scotty just came right out and asked her out for me. I was mortified – this was a no ordinary girl. She was a goddess. Every inch of this girls skin was creamy and smooth. She looked like someone who would be famous on Twitter, just for being hot.
“That’s so cool! I would love to!” Hope answered with a squeal.
I want you to do me a favor. I need you to turn your head back and forth rapidly and say the words “What, What, What Now?” a couple times until you can imagine what I said and thought at that incredible moment in time – a captured moment that is forever frozen into my memory. That would save me about 1,000 words trying to paint you a picture of the stupefied look on my face.
Could it have been that easy all along? Should I have just grabbed life by the horns and asked this girl out? I mean the worst thing she could have done is said No, but what if she said Yes like she just did?
Could her saying yes mean that I am actually not the super awkward, knobby-kneed, uncoordinated ultra dork that I think I am and I am actually desirable to a girl like this?
“I’d have to ask my boyfriend if I could, but I think it would be awesome and totally hilarious!” she smiled enthusiastically.
And there it was folks, the punch line to the world’s biggest goober.
“I will have to ask my boyfriend if I could,” I must have heard that sweet as honey voice in my head saying that phrase at least 1,000 times since that moment. Each time it’s just as bitter and painful as the last.
I had taken a brief moment in this thing we call existence to think that I, Donny Swift, deserved to have a girl like Hope Miller. I’d actually convinced myself for a split second that I had not just taken a shot but I was always Michael Jordon, or at least Scotty Pippin, and I could have sunk it at any time.
I thought Taylor was here to be humiliated and punished, and yet I felt like life had thrown me a nice solid punch in the dong.
I knew very well that she had a boyfriend. Bradley Peyton had been a junior all-star last year and this year he was a local sports hero, and on top of that he was in male form what Hope was in female form – perfect looking.
“Would you mind escorting Gloria if I can set it up?” Hope said to Scotty as she pointed to Gloria, who was standing across the store chewing gum and looking out the window. She couldn’t hear us talking at all. “She is kind of shy and most guys don’t have this kind of sense of humor. You are going as Harley Quinn, right?” Hope asked.
“Absolutely. Yes I am,” Scotty lied without missing a beat. I didn’t blame him for being captured by the girl’s beauty like a Siren Song. I’d have agreed to anything and everything she wanted right there if she merely asked.
“We get all these for 50% off,” Hope looked conspiratorially at my mother and told her, if she didn’t mind, she would ring us up with the employee discount.
My mother loves a sale and a deal and agreed whole heartedly.
“So if you are going as Harley Quinn then she should go as the Joker. I will give you a call and set it all up, if it’s okay with my boyfriend. I still have your number from when you tutored me. I mean, I hope I am not being too forward? I don’t know if you have plans or something?” she asked.
My mom answered for both Scotty and I, because frankly neither of us are really good at talking to pretty girls, or girls in general, and we were too stunned to answer.
“I think that would be fine. I am going to take the girls trick or treating,” she said.
“That would be fantastic! We could walk together and then sort of split off if you get tired,” Hope said patronizingly to my mom. I didn’t care what she said – I was lost in the shallow sea of her eyes. Even her pupils were perfect in diameter and shape, set into a baby face that was perfectly symmetrical. I love math and there was nothing about her that wasn’t precisely even and perfect. There was nothing about this girl that was not completely flawless.
My dick was hard in my shorts and I didn’t care. I mean I cared some, but I made no motion to shift it – I just hoped she wouldn’t notice.
“I don’t want to be Hannah Montana though!” Janie demanded stubbornly refusing to play along with us and seemingly unaware of the opportunity she may be blowing for us to go out with two ultra-hot girls.
I mean sure – we had to dress up in the most humiliating costumes in the store and they had boyfriends, but I think you will agree that given the circumstances there was really no other option but to do this. If even my hand brushed against her nip on accident, while reaching for a Reese Cup, I would consider it a major victory for all of Nerdkind and mostly for Donnykind.
“That’s fine,” Scotty gritted his teeth, “you can be anything else you want to be. Anything else in the store,” he didn’t want her blowing this date with Gloria for him. She was a beauty in her own right and as a freshman just being seen in her company would give him miles of stud credit with his friends.
“I want to be Harley Quinn!” Janie clarified and was about to say she had picked the costume all along.
Scotty hushed her before she could spill the beans. I don’t think it mattered to Hope what costume we picked but clearly because we were willing to go out in something funny she thought it was cute. I was willing to do that.
Hope bent over at the waist and put her hands on her knees. She had the most rocking ass I’ve ever seen in my life and as I mentioned to you previously – I’ve personally got about 4.7 gigabytes of porn backed up on my computer and I’ve jerked off to each and every one of those pictures or stories.
“You can be anything you want to be,” Hope told Janie while looking her in the eyes. “If in your world there are two Harley Quinns traveling together, then there are,” she pointed to an entire wall of variations of Harley Quinn costumes that ranged from skimpy to skimpier.
Janie was ecstatic when Mom nodded she would ask her Father to buy the costume.
I was too.
Today was a good day – and by that I mean a motherfucking good day!