Chapter Thirty-Two

If it has tires or tits – you are gonna have problems with it  

The Wrestler was apparently very drunk or just kind of loopy and not making any more sense than the Leaner had.

“Conner,” Ted demanded my brother come over. “Stop flirting with that girl and get your butt over here.”

“I am not flirting,” my brother said from across the pool, while clearly flirting with that dark haired girl he had been talking to earlier. I remembered she laughed hard when he shot me with the super-soaker and I wondered if she had put him up to it.

He could be mischievous but he was seldom mean-spirited.

“Who has the best asshole?” Ted pointed to us three and let him judge us. I felt a part of my stomach do a flip as the realization my own brother was judging whether or not my asshole was ‘pretty’ as compared to his aunt or Savannah.

He didn’t even look and answered, “Savannah!”

“Hot Damn!” Savannah pulled up her bottoms and clapped her hands as she stood up in victory. “Thank you Sir!” She kissed him on the cheek.

“How can you say that,” Ted reminded him he didn’t even look at us.

“I’ve been looking at how her cheeks open and part slightly since she started walking around naked. I’ve studied how they rise and fall with her every breath; and how she makes them jiggle when she is bored; and puts one finger under each cheek and then quickly shakes her legs. She has a perfectly round circle with just a hint of lip and almost no wrinkles. I’ve compared the bright pink color to the others in the house and I wish my own was like hers. In conclusion – the answer to the question who has the superior asshole – it is Savannah.”

“That is EXACTLY what I was trying to say!” The Leaner pointed his open hand palm up at Conner in exasperation.

“You are a little perverted ass-watcher, but you rock,” Savannah smiled smugly. Ted told Conner to write “Voted Best Asshole” across the red-smudged lipstick on Savannah’s ass cheeks in lipstick.

“Geez, don’t act like it’s such a big deal,” Savannah bent over and jutted her shapely ass and thighs at my brother to let him write out the words. He was beside himself and I saw him try to hide his growing erection while glancing nervously at the brunette girl he claimed not to be flirting with.

I broke the ice while Savannah tried to get him to hurry up and finish “Thanks a lot, SIR.” I was disappointed to have lost after all of the judging, but quietly relieved that my brother didn’t think my asshole was the prettiest one in the house. He had to look – it was his job, just as it was mine to show it. I couldn’t fault him for that, although I sided with Savannah that his in depth analysis was a bit too intense.

That didn’t stop me from teasing him by poking his shoulder and saying, “Now I have to ride naked to the mall tonight – I hope you are happy.”

“Hey, quit yer bitching!” Crystal poked MY arm and reminded me that unless she got to take it out – she was going with a carrot up her ass. She asked Ted “I won’t say that again – I’ve learned my lesson – may I take it out now, Sir?”

“I think you are just telling me what I want to hear,” Ted sounded like he was repeating something she had told him, “I need you to SHOW me you will change, not just TELL me.”

Crystal curled her lip but couldn’t argue with his logic – she remained quiet. I think she HAD told him that in recent memory and knew better than to say it didn’t apply now.

“Who wants to wash these dirty, milk-soaked, slushee-faced whores down?” Ted’s way of announcing lunch was over was to allow men to have a go at crimping the garden hose we used to fill our water buckets or spray super-soakers at us while we tried to wash the cars for money.

He only got a few dollars and we ended up doing some of it ourselves. The guys watching seemed to like it when I bent over and let my cousin spray me down and wash me clean of all the red-icee in my hair; and especially when I shook my hair dry, and in the process my tits and ass for them.

We didn’t have to put on much of a pre-show for the car-wash. In the past, we’d ham it up and pretend to be brats who didn’t want to work and let Crystal complain about not knowing what to do with us.

We had enough cars right after lunch that many of them were repeat customers who had been there in the last few days. They just wanted us to smush our tits against the window and squeegee and bend over to pick up sponges. They were looking for what Savannah and Crystal called “Sweet titty cheesecake.”

You serve sweet titty cheesecake by pretending not to have any thought in your head, smile real big and act like a ditz-while you strut around trying to expose your tits, ass, and pussy; but not actually doing it. You can drop and do a sudden split, you can start a splash-fight with the other girls or even Lloyd, you can kiss each other on the cheek, you can bend, squat, squeeze, wiggle and jiggle. You may flash a little bit; but mostly you are supposed to make him hope to see it and not deliver more than a quick nip slip or your pussy lips framed on the outside of your thong.

What you absolutely have to do, is make the customer feel like a King and you really enjoyed washing his car and that he is sexy and attractive.

You need to let him think he accidentally got to brush against your tits or touch his shoulder. You have to smile at him and wink and giggle. You have to listen to everything he says as if it is interesting or just that you can understand his mush-mouth southern drawl in some cases.

We were doing volume right after lunch and we had little time for the surly attitude adjustment scenarios that we did. We would do one every second or third car; and by this point we were coated in suds from head to toe and in need of a quick breather anyway.

A good example was when we were washing this white El Camino together. This was right before we were to wash Doctor Hooker’s car. We could get away with putting on these little skits because the guy’s waiting for their car to be washed tend to enjoy the show.

I found that usually, if someone watches us do it for the trick right before them – they want the exact same scenario even though they watched it play out already.

We still developed three distinctly different scenarios just in case; and we would play-act variations of them throughout the course of the day. It became fun and broke up the monotony to try to guess which one we were doing and follow the other girls lead.

1. Surly Bitches want a break

2. Devious Bitches try to half-ass the job and get caught breaking rules

3. Angry Bitches get jealous and start to argue.

Surly Bitches want a break involved us getting tired, complaining, and questioning the rules. We would invariably get Ted’s attention and he would then want to reinforce the rules, but needed the help of the customer because he was so busy with other things and/or too nice to do it himself.

Devious Bitches try to half-ass the job and get caught breaking rules – we would purposely forget to clean out the ashtray, or miss a bunch of spots on their car, we would forget to say Sir or talk to them respectfully. Ted would notice and come along with a “What should I do about these girls?” and ask the trick to help him correct our behavior.

Angry Bitches get jealous and start to argue - usually involved one of us getting a perceived reward or attention we shouldn’t, or thinking someone stole something the other girl had. These sometimes got heated and we even did little slap-fights that I have to admit – stung pretty bad!

“Ted Sir,” Crystal would remark something like, “I need a cigarette, sugar? My hair is wet, I am on my period, I need a fucking Xanax, please let me have a cup of coffee or something – god-damnit,” she would complain.

Keep in mind, she didn’t actually have her period and the carrot was neatly lodged up her ass. At this point they had removed the green sprig of leaves hanging down and it was bulging out of the back of her suit like a potato. It was, I am sure, very uncomfortable; but Crystal always managed to wiggle her ass and walk sexy like it wasn’t stiff up her butt.

“No breaks,” he’d tell her. “Other than break off my foot in your ass if you keep asking for breaks. This gentleman has been waiting a good long time. I want you fucking fucks to get fucking excited and do a fucking good fucking job with the fucking sponges and soap you insisted we buy and not fuck around!”

Then Crystal would accept his decision and wander over to Savannah where she would invariably think she had her sponge or something of hers. In this case, it was her bikini.

I might be listening to the music jamming on the radio and not notice until the fight escalated.

“That is my bikini – I am the one who bought it! Take it off and give it to me slut!”

At this point the two of them would be bouncing tits off each other and grabbing hair and pulling.

“Is this your bikini?” Ted would stop the fight.

“Yes sir, this little slut left her own at home and wore mine today!” Crystal pouted and added, “without my permission!”

“You can’t give her SPERMISSION, much less PERMISSION, to do shit. You lost the bet today and now your asses are grass and I am the fucking lawn mower that is going to mow those asses regulation size.”

This is when Savannah would gang up on him to doubt his authority. “You are just the Mexican with a leaf-blower on our asses, Sir!” She would say something just disrespectful enough, yet also frame it with ‘Sir’ - so that Ted would be able to show the guy how they girls aren’t behaving.

It might have sounded like a joke but technically, O.J. was the lawn-mower and Ted had power as long as O.J. wanted him to.

“I am going to call fucking Moby Dick,” Ted would have a comeback, “Because I just found two fucking sperm whales he needs to come harpoon with a big smack to the ass!”

Ted would allude to punishing the girls in order to plant the seed in their minds. The girls would dare him to try and say something like, “You would have to call Captain Ahab, you fucking dumbass, Sir!”

“You know what they put in hot dogs? Pig lips and assholes. You want me to make you walk around with six of them dogs hanging out your mouth? That would make you shut up!” Ted would offer a punishment and the girls would laugh it off by pointing out they’d just eat the dogs.

That is when Ted would ask the man what he thought. If the trick didn’t eventually offer something about strict punishment, then Ted would demand Savannah take off her suit in order to show her everyone if her name was in it.

“It’s not going to be in it – I didn’t write anything in mine, Sir! ” Savannah would protest, until Ted finally pulled her bottoms down around her ankles and then bent her over.

At this point, the man was usually ready to help participate. “You seem like you’ve had your time wasted, you seem like a good guy, I don’t have to tell you how badly this girl needs an attitude adjustment – she just won’t listen. We are really hurting for cash and I have to move this line along. Could I get you to spank my step-daughter?”

At which point the man would 99.99% of the time jump on the opportunity.

Then Ted would ask him for a donation in a roundabout way, often by making the man think he brought it up. The donation was often higher than the ten bucks we were getting the old way.

Crystal and I would move on to the next car and we’d usually rotate which one of us would get punished – so that it was fair all around. Crystal tended to avoid punishment more than the two of us, but we didn’t keep that close attention of the score and usually it was based on who the guy was looking at most.

Around 2:30 PM Crystal and I were washing a car together while her daughter was yelping about the unfairness of getting swatted in front of the pool by an elderly Chinese man who seemed to delight in each of her pained squawks.

I wanted to talk to her and see how she was holding up. I moved up closer to her and bumped butts playfully but asked in a very casual and calm voice, so that the trick couldn’t read our lips, how she was doing.

“Other than having a carrot up my ass, being wet and tired, and chipping all these nails – I guess fair to middling,” Crystal replied with her usual dark humor and playful grin, while holding up her once well-manicured and painted fingernails.

“You don’t seem to mind letting Ted take charge of you as much as I thought you would,” I almost called her ma’am. I had grown so used to saying it there was a dozen times I had accidentally done it.

“He won us about 2 grand today in that bet and I hate to admit it but I think he is doing a better job running this than I could. We’ve probably earned another grand on top of that. He is usually not good for much of anything; but being a conniving asshole is something he trained his whole life to do,” she smiled and was only partially joking.

“He did come up with charging a buck to soak us with water, and I think even sold one of those plastic skulls he bought at the mall,” I grinned and laughed at the thought of someone buying such an ugly tchotchke.

“I am pretty livid he tricked me with Catfish being his friend though.” She warned that she would find a way to get even for that one.

“You don’t mind having to get naked in front of men and get spanked though?” that was the real question I wanted to ask her.

She didn’t answer. She smiled at me as if I had a lot to learn about the real world and then laughed, “It is what it is.” She patted me on the bottom and then stuck her hands over her head and let out an excited “squee” while jumping up and down for a familiar car that came pulling up to the curb.

I continued washing the car Crystal and I were washing and she went off to go talk to the man. “Yes god-damnit,” she told the man. “Ted’s got me out here washing cars and trying to make an honest women out of me, sir. I haven’t seen you in ages. Hey, do you want your car washed? Of course you do.”

Savannah had finished thanking the man who spanked her ass in front of the crowd and was set free to wash cars again. She came waddling up to me pulling the wedgie from the swimsuit out of her ass and rubbing her freshly pink cheeks, “How you holding up Tinkle?”

“I was going to ask you the same thing,” I answered her in hushed tones so that no one overhead us. We pretended to giggle and splash while we caught up.

“Wha-eye?” her southern accent dragged out the one word question of why in a very deliberate manner.

“I dunno,” I shrugged “I just thought this is so weird what we are doing and I was wondering if you were freaking out or anything?”

“Freaking out?” Savannah looked confused I would even ask. “We are gonna get paid at least six hundred a piece from what we made so far and there are a few hours left. Ted can think he is the boss of me and have his fun. I am going to pay him back for all the shit he keeps dropping on us.” She also had plans of revenge on Ted once he had served his purpose and made them enough money.

“I am worried my mom and dad are going to find out about everything,” she hadn’t asked but I told her what was presently worrying on my mind.

“Your mom saw you get punished at home last night. You should be fucking jumping for joy. We’ll just have to play the same game when we get home around your mom,” she offered – and that was true. I just had not looked at it like that.

“What about my dad though?” I was sponging bird-shit off an old rusted out Camaro while shaking my boobs up and down for a very excited trick. He couldn’t hear us talking and it’s doubtful he wanted to do anything other than ogle some sweet titty cheesecake.

“At least you have a dad,” Savannah sounded wistfully. “Someone who gives a shit if you fuck up and doesn’t try to steal your Christmas toys to trade them for meth!”

“Your dad did that to you?” I asked in surprise.

“No,” she laughed. “I don’t remember my dad, but we had a few step-dads who did. If you can believe it, Ted is one of the better ones.” She looked over at him and narrowed her eyes evilly.

I did not get a chance to really vent my concerns about my father coming home. I wondered where he could be and why he hasn’t checked in. At the same time, I didn’t want to think too hard about it and he show up right now.

I was surprised at how the two of them seemed resigned to play out the hand they were dealt – even if they were plotting a subtle revenge against Ted. I think they are always plotting that.

“Hear Ye, Hear Ye,” Ted was standing next to Catfish holding a clear plastic barrel that had until recently held off-brand puffed cheet-o cheese balls. It contained about 100 slips of paper.

They had been working on something while watching us and collecting the cash. O.J. and his nephew Ryan had stopped by a few times and checked on us. I am sure they didn’t trust Ted with the money and were getting their cut throughout the day.

“As you all know,” Ted projected his voice like he was giving a speech before a gathered group of followers. There were over twenty people around the pool area and on the sidewalk, but they were in small groups or alone. He did have their attention, although it looked like he was about to lose it if he didn’t say something fast.

Ted explained how he was in a dire financial situation due to Crystal’s mismanagement of the money. He told everyone to huddle up closer because he had something to say and when not everyone did – he pretended he had only been talking to the four of us and Conner. “Get your asses up here – while I elaborate and elucidate.”

“You know I didn’t want to have to run things. I wanted to let your mom show me – not just TELL me that she could get shit done and keep your little attitudes in check. That did not happen and I am very disappointed with your effort ladies – and Lloyd.”

He repeated that he was disappointed and then said, “But I will make it work. I have your asses until this Sunday and you will do what I say, when I say it, how I say it, as often as I say, in any order I say it, to anyone I say to do it to – is that understood?”

“What the fuck is IT, Sir?” Savannah asked jovially.

“When I tell you what IT is, then you will know – just cool your tits until then,” Ted hadn’t expected any questions when he prepared this speech in his mind. I could tell he felt like John Wayne delivering a great speech before the nation; but most of the rednecks and trailer park folks were still checking out our asses and not all that interested in what he had to say.”

Today was only Wednesday – we had four more days of this!

“People say Ted Gaylord is a woman hater. That is simply not true. I love women. I love their tits, their pussies, I even love the ugly as sin ones. I don’t trust them – not even nuns. Every pair of tit comes with a set of problems and baggage that even Ted Gaylord can’t fix.”

“If it has tires or tits – you are gonna have problems with it “Skeeter echoed Ted's opinion.

I think my Uncle Ted was looking for the validation from the V.I.P. crowd of regulars or the general crowd; and thrived on the fact someone just agreed with him.

Catfish was holding up the plastic-barrel as if that was the solution to all of mankind's problems.

“You look at these girls and Lloyd and think maybe a little tough love will scare them straight. They’ve been given spanking after spanking and lost just about every privilege dear to them, and they still keep fucking up,” Ted took a sip of his beer and returned to his train of thought.

“We are adding some new rules and prices:

Hose them down/Hit them with Supersoaker 1 dollar

Draw on them 5-10 dollars (depending on body part/what it looks like)

Draw from Tub-O-Learnin – 10 dollars.

Ted had a full pumped orange and white super soaker. Catfish had brought back some things and this was one of them. He sprayed his wife right in the eye and she yelled “God-damnit!”

“They can never get fully clean but you can have a little fun chasing them around,” he threw the super soaker on what he was calling the “merch table” that he had set up. “No refunds if you don’t hit them. That’s tough titty’s – learn to be a better shot.”

He called me up to his table next. I was suddenly worried that I would be used in a demonstration of some kind.

“Don’t worry,” he laughed at my nervousness, “I am not going to beat you – yet.” He teased. He introduced me as his ‘rich bitch niece from Cherry Lawn estates’. I was instantly booed by the majority of people watching.

“Let’s say Catfish here wants to write ‘Rich Bitch’ across her chest to remind her what she is and why she needs to get down to reality and not be one of those liberal, pussy communist, rich-millionaire douche-bags!” Ted got several cheers from the audience for calling me those things.

Catfish began writing on my chest in what looked like permanent sharpie “Rich Bitch.”

“That right there is just five bucks. You come see me and tell me what it is and where you want it,” Ted explained and clapped his hands as if he were moving on to the next subject.

Someone raised their hand to ask a question. Ted seemed surprised anyone would do that and said, “I didn’t think we were in fucking middle school here but – sure go ahead, the asshole with the orange pecker-wood sweater in the middle of the hot sun.”

“Can we draw a penis?” the young man asked.

“You can,” Ted laughed at him and pantomimed himself having an elephant trunk for a dick, “I’d prefer to draw a big old cock though as wide as a fucking pickle jar.”

“You prefer to draw big old cocks?” the kid laughed and melded back into the crowd – leaving Ted staring off at him angrily before continuing with the explanation of his third and final agenda item.

Ted deflated slightly at the laughter at his expense, but surprisingly continued his explanation -albeit a little more hesitant to take questions from the audience.

“So this is the Tub of Learning, y’all” he pointed to the bucket. “If I clear you to be a handler – you can sponsor her for ten bucks towards getting these bitches educated and paying off our debts; and we will let you pick a girl and make her draw from the bucket. It’s like scratch off tickets –without all the scratching.”

Ted made it a point of saying “Sponsor” instead of paying money. This was an even better word than “donating” – but it all meant the same thing.

The people didn’t seem all that enthused by his idea.

“Ellen- pull something out of the bucket,” he nodded at me to draw. I wasn’t too excited because I was afraid of the results. I pulled out a ticket and he prompted me to read it. I think everyone was a little impressed I had a normal reading voice and didn’t stammer.

Get on the ground so that your palms are flat on the sidewalk with your knees apart and flat on the ground. Stick your ass up and keep your legs apart. Your nipples and nose must also touch the ground. You will admit things you have done wrong for the duration of a full song. If you stop talking you will draw a second ticket. Your handler gets to use the board of education anytime you stop talking or you tell an obvious lie.

Ted had a thick wooden paddle and waved it around – the words “Board of Education” were written on the front in the same sharpie that was used on me. The words “Bored of Education” were written on the back but struck through – it must have been their first try to label the paddle.

Ted later explained to us privately that the more tickets one of us pulls in – the bigger our cut is going to be. “The person who gets the most during the day is going to get their privileges back later that night.”

Ted looked at me and said “Well, get to stepping. Each of you will draw one to show everyone you are willing to learn to behave. I want to see those nipples scratch the cement! You should have a nose print from the cement when your head comes up.”

I wasted no time arching my body into the position, as if I were going to do a push up except my butt was stuck straight up and my legs were apart. I had my bottoms and top on but I knew a part of my pussy lips were exposed, because the suit was so small, and I didn’t try to fix it.

I began giving a litany of mostly made up things I had done wrong. “Well, I’ve played with myself when I was told I shouldn’t. I’ve stolen money out of Crystal’s purse to use to buy weed. I’ve lied about how wealthy I am in order to impress even wealthier communist, liberal, rich bitches.”

“Conner,” my brother had been roped into listening to Angel the blonde, pregnant, teenager’s sob stories over at the pool. “Get your butt over here and sponsor your sister!!”

Ack! Why is it always Conner who has to do these things to me?

He swung the Board of Education a few times. It was so heavy he could barely lift it. “Use two-hands you dip-wad!”

Unfortunately with two-hands he found it much easier to wield and landed a very heavy swat to my ass.

“Hey Sir!” I protested when the blow landed with a thunk, “I thought it was only if I stop talking!”

“Sorry,” Conner apologized “I wasn’t listening. What am I supposed to do?”

I re-explained it for him and continued giving my mostly false confessions. I went through each sin one at a time and made up something for gluttony-about eating too much food that wasn’t mine, and being lazy not to put it up. The song they had me do this to was playing in the background – it was Kenny Loggins Danger Zone.

Revvin' up your engine

Listen to her howlin' roar

Metal under tension

Beggin' you to touch and go

Highway to the Danger Zone

Ride into the Danger Zone

Headin' into twilight

Spreadin' out her wings tonight

The music was so cheesy there were at least two times my brother had to spank my butt because I giggled instead of stating my past sins and transgressions for everyone to hear.

Ted called out my cousin Savannah to have a turn. She rolled her eyes but I believe the confident stride she took up to the bucket was one of a girl in her element. This game was probably stolen from her “Game of Life” she had me play when we first came here.

“You have been judged a Sassy-Ass based on your merits –draw a card!” Ted commanded Savannah to read it. She read it quietly first and made a ‘stchk’ sound with her lips in frustration before reading it to the increasingly interested crowd.

Stand up straight – legs shoulder width apart. Get your shoulders back, get your chest out, and chin up. Get your hands behind your head. Your sponsor will reach into the ice-chest and put 12 ice-cubes in any of your holes – mouth, ass, or twat if you have one. You will thank him for helping you cool off –and be judged for how gracious you are.

If you are aroused at the end – you will repeat the exercise; and then stand against the Buckman office for 5 minutes with your nose and tits to the wall.

“That’s much worse than Ellen’s Sir,” Savannah protested the unfairness of me getting an easier sentence. I was the one saying things like “I enjoyed eating boogers when they are fed to me” and “I farted on my brother’s Nintendo before he put it to his mouth to blow on it once” because I was running out of naughty things to admit to – which would lead to immediate heavy spankings!

It was not lost on me that what she was kind of saying was that I should have it as severe as she did.

“Do I have to take my clothes off first, Sir?” Savannah asked for clarification when no sympathy was given for her first protest.

“See how quick she is to offer to strip down naked?” Ted asked the question of the crowd – as if it were evidence of her total depravity. “He can slip them in on the side – your suit isn’t THAT big,” Ted acted like letting her be naked would be a treat.

Savannah placed her hands behind her head and stood in position. Ted called for a sponsor who would be willing to demonstrate for the audience. Opie raised his hand and Savannah shot him a fiery glance from her bright-blue eyes that froze him in his tracks. “You ain’t tall enough to reach my mouth and I know where the ice is going.”

Ted flipped open his ice-chest where he kept his beer for the sponsor and elected a member of the crowd who was willing to spend ten dollars of his money. He also warned her that the song was already playing and she needed to hurry.

When Savannah chafed at that requirement, he told her she had til half-way through the next song, “See – I can be reasonable if you ask nicely!”

“Ordinarily,” Ted explained to Sannah’s sponsor that, “you won’t know until after you sponsor a girl what you draw, but as this is just demonstration – I appreciate you helping out.”

The man was tall and had a brown mustache. He picked up the first ice-cube and Savannah held her mouth open for him to put it there.

He took his time walking up to her. I could hear her say something that sounded like “Guk, guk, guk” because she was holding her mouth open for the ice. It was probably supposed to be “Hurry up before it melts sir.”

He rubbed it on her tits over her suit and Savannah asked if that was fair.

“I don’t think it’s fair you sold my power-tools to buy your beer - do you?” Ted shook his head that it wasn’t. He asked the man when he was done if he would be so kind as to take Crystal’s red lipstick and re-apply “Voted Perfect Asshole” on her ass as well.

“It was voted BEST asshole sir,” Savannah corrected while shivering through chattering teeth as the man slipped the first ice-cube under her suit in her pussy.

“I think you are a perfect asshole too though,” Ted laughed and shushed Savannah up. She turned an extra shade of white as the second ice-cube was inserted into her ass from under her skirt. She made a ‘barrrrrrrrrarrrrrr’ sound and shook her head back and forth as she braced herself.

Ted wasted no time getting his wife up to draw a card. “You do a good job and you can take the carrot out for the rest of the day,” Ted smiled at her.

“You are so sweet to me, Sir!” Crystal kissed him on the cheek with mock adoration, before drawing from the bowl. Crystal had a very confident look on her face until she read the card to herself and she actually read it again before looking at Ted and back at the crowd. Ted insisted she read it out aloud to everybody.

You are a pig – so you will be treated like one. You will put on a plastic nose, and be trussed up as a pig. You will have to remove your bottoms for your sponsor to provide you with the tail. You will have your arms bound and your legs bound and then get on the ground. You will get down on all fours and squeal and oink. Your sponsor is to try to herd you to the trough where you will get a treat if you can make it before the end of the song.

If your sponsor cannot show you how being a pig leads to nothing but trouble by the end of the song then you will wear the pig nose, and have pig written on your body part of choice.

Crystal also felt this was far and away a bit harsher than the other girls and a bit extreme. “I’ve lived here all my life, Sir,” she made the excuse that she wanted to save her reputation.

“You have and you’ve fucked about half the Buckman. I am trying to stop you from fucking the rest of them. If you were afraid your reputation as a slut was going to be ruined – I assure you – this is an improvement. At least you are trying to change.”

Crystal snapped on a plastic piggy-nose with a rubber band around her head. She looked nearly ridiculous. My punishment was coming to an end shortly but hers was just beginning.

“I can’t take off my bottoms – this is a one piece Sir,” she reminded him.

Ted put his finger to his lips and stroked his chin pensively, like O.J. often did when he behaved as our voice of reason. “Tough call – I think you know you have to remove the entire thing and are just stalling though.”

Crystal sighed slightly but was already stepping out of her one piece swimsuit. Catfish blindfolded her with a red bandana. He used a rubber bungee cord, he had modified to fit around both wrists, to tie her arms together; but allowed her to keep them apart about a foot. He did the same to her feet, then looked for another ‘sponsor’ to herd what he was now calling his ‘disobedient, slutty, pig of a wife’.

She tried to ask to use the carrot as a tail but Ted smacked her bulbous tits and told her to play the game right. “We spent a lot of time thinking of these rules. We are not going to make exceptions now. Drop the carrot so we can stick another thing up that sweet ass of yours!”

Crystal got down on all fours after the carrot was removed (slowly) and I heard her gasp when the pig-tail was inserted directly into her ass by the sponsor. It was a pink, plastic curly-q looking tail that was heavy on the end. I don’t think it was intended to go up people’s asses and I am not sure where Catfish might have found it – but it did look kind of like porky pig’s tail in a cartoon way.

“Oink for me piggy!” Ted said and when Crystal didn’t answer he jabbed her with a pool-cue using the small end. It left a tiny blue chalk mark on my Aunt’s ribs. She grunted like a piggy – much to the amusement of the crowd.

I think Opie may have even pissed his pants he laughed so hard.

“If you want her to oink – then poke her with this pool cue,” Ted instructed. “If she is too stubborn to oink or squeal, then stop leading her. Use the pool cue to prompt her to move in whatever direction you think she should go.”

The “trough” was a white-plastic pickle bucket with lid, that had been cut in half from top to bottom, and laid on its side. Inside was a Snicker’s candy bar waiting for my Aunt. All she had to do was navigate blindly through the feet of strangers, with her legs and arm mobility limited and a tail in her ass, before Madonna’s Lucky Star ended.

You must be my Lucky Star

'Cause you shine on me wherever you are

I just think of you and I start to glow

And I need your light

And baby you know

Starlight, starbright first star I see tonight

Starlight, starbright make everything all right

The new song began and my ordeal ended. I had ran out of confessing for things in the last minute and started to just take the heavy-pounding of that paddle. I was used to much lighter whips and hands and the thick-oak forcibly pushed me forward. I think Conner was getting worn out before my ass did.

“So now you should stand up and thank him for correcting you and tell him what you learned,” Ted instructed me.

“Thank you Conner, Sir,” I felt silly telling my brother how thankful I was he just spanked me. “I appreciate you hearing my confessions of wicked depravity and judiciously prompting me to admit more until it was all out there.”

“No problemo!” Conner smirked at me and nursed his sore arm.

I smiled softly. I may be nursing a sore ass but my small victory was in wearing out my brother’s arm even more so.

“How about me, Sir?” Lloyd bounded up to where Ted was now holding court – with the complete attention of the audience.

Savannah was shivering and had her beautiful blue eyes clamped shut while she ground her teeth. Her bottoms were pulled down part way so that her crack showed. The man was slowly working the cubes into her pussy and ass while she stood and ice-cold water dripped down her thighs. Savannah’s mouth held three ice-cubes on their own.

She completed the activity – but her lips looked blue and she immediately squatted and dropped the half-melted ice-cubes out of her body when she completed it. Ted made her apologize to him for being such a snot and thank him for trying to turn her from an ice-bitch into a good girl.

Crystal meanwhile had gotten turned around and been run through the VIP section and knocked over an ashtray. She had become a little frustrated because the man seemed to be walking her into the pool gate and she knew the destination couldn’t be straight ahead through that.

“Yeah I guess so,” Ted smiled at Lloyd’s enthusiasm to face his challenge.

“This is kind of like the show Jackass,” Lloyd pulled out a ticket but handed it to Ted to read out loud. Ted had to focus his eyes to read his own hand-writing and started to throw the ticket away before reading it aloud and draw another one.

“No way, Sir!” Lloyd insisted he hear the one that was drawn.

You will be cleansed of your misdeeds. Your sponsor is to throw 4 plastic-skulls in the pool. You have until the end of one song to collect them all.

“That doesn’t sound so bad. I can do that in no time!” Lloyd was stoked to complete his task.

The pool had been closed to the general public until the chlorine did its work. I had seen people come in and out of the water when they ignored the sign and they had green hair and red-eyes.

“There is more on there isn’t there sir?” Savannah seemed skeptical of the card and asked for it to verify.

Ted was hesitant at first but handed it to her and stated that his writing was hard to read.

You will be cleansed of your misdeeds. You will remove your suit for this. Your hands will be bound and you will belly flop into the pool. You will retrieve 4 plastic dongs with your mouth and take them one at a time out of the pool.

If you fail to complete this task in the time allotted because you are too lazy or not motivated enough then you will have to insert each one in front of the crowd without use of your hands. You may not use the same hole until you have used all the others and you should put on a good show for us – applause is appreciated.

Savannah had stopped her teeth chattering and her knees knocking. She had her hands on her hips and looked at Ted with consternation.

“No one wants to see Lloyd do all that.” Ted smiled and said – that one was written for a girl.

“I wants ta see it!” Skeeter was the first one to call out in his raspy, mountain-man accent.

“Yah,” his grandson Opie agreed with him without hesitation.

The Wrestler let out a loud “Whoop!”

The will of the confused and largely apathetic crowd of onlookers shifted towards cheering Lloyd on. They had been slightly curious when I began my punishment. We started to get their attention when Savannah began her ice-ordeal. We had them tittering with amusement at the sight of my Aunt being led around by a pole tapping her on the sides. Lloyd’s task had built on that excitement and now thanks to a few well-placed shouts of enthusiasm – they clamored for him.

Lloyd whipped his underwear off and threw his hands in the air in a solid motion. His natural hammy showmanship only served to egg the crowd on, which served to make him ham it up more.

My Aunt was still lost, and a good few yards from the “trough” bucket and the Snickers reward she would get if she made it before the end of the song, when Lloyd offered his crossed wrists to be bound.

Catfish produced a fresh roll of gray duct-tape. The crowd cheered the duct-tape because it was familiar to them. “Duct tape can fix any problem – even an attitude problem!”

He wrapped it around Lloyd’s wrists several times.

“This is water-proof?” Lloyd asked for clarification. Catfish didn’t seem to know and answered “Probally” as they led my cousin to the pool.

He had a half-erection and his body glistened in the sun from the sweat. The six or so women in the crowd were here, either to scorn the girls or to watch Lloyd and probably both. They jabbered excitedly and made much more noise than the larger group of guys had for any of us.

Lloyd was told to wait for the next song. He stood there preening and holding his hands clasped together above his head like a champion while Madonna’s Lucky star finished.

“It’s two steps forward and to your left,” Savannah called out at the last minute to her mother and added more quietly, “You dumb, piggy, bitch.”

Crystal quickly oinked her way over to the half-bucket and found the Snickers bar. She pulled her bandana off with her hands and smiled! She had won her challenge.

She didn’t receive the thunderous applause she had expected because by this point all attention was on Lloyd.

A cheesy Rick Springfield song followed my Aunt’s performance to Lucky Star. It signaled Lloyd to jump in and perform his first epic-belly flop.

Jessie is a friend,

Yeah I know he's been a good friend of mine

But lately something's changed

It ain't hard to define

Four pink plastic “massagers” had been thrown in the pool. They looked vaguely like oversized hair-rollers or dildos. I think they may have been used for both.

Lloyd emerged with the first one in his mouth within seconds and spit it on to the pool deck. The crowd gave him a warm round of applause and cheers. He worked his way out of the pool with his hands tied and waited for everyone to see him standing at the end of the pool - his dick completely hard.

He had a broad smile on his face and just fell face forward without diving – bigger belly flop and bigger splash than the first.

And she's watching him with those eyes

And she's lovin' him with that body, I just know it!

And he's holding her in his arms late, late at night

I saw him hit the pool with a hard cock and I had to wonder just how painful it must be once you splat face down in the water. Lloyd took the pain like a champion. His eyes were a little red but he only stayed in the water a few moments.

I have to admit – even I was caught up in the song and my cousin’s showmanship. He made it look so easy when he emerged from the pool with a pink, plastic dildo clenched between his teeth.

“Whoop-Whoop!” the Wrestler was the loudest of the ones to cheer for Lloyd as he hauled himself out of the pool’s aqua-blue water.

Lloyd did three deep knee-bends at the end of the pool just for fun and smiled at the crowd while falling in sideways – Ka-sploosh, his third belly-flop!

You know I feel so dirty when they start talking cute

I wanna tell her that I love her but the point is probably moot

'Cause she's watching him with those eyes

And she's lovin' him with that body, I just know it!

Like clockwork my cousin emerged with the third plastic dildo sticking straight out and holding it by the end with his mouth. He smiled broadly as he pushed himself out of the pool with just his legs.

“He is such a fucking show off,” my cousin Savannah whispered to me. “He got lucky with that dare. He has been swimming like this since we were little. If the pool was filled all the time – he’d be fucking in the Olympics.”

She didn’t want to admit it, but even though she sounded cynical, I could tell she was secretly proud of her brother and rooting for him just as much as the rest of us.

Ted wasn’t.

He was glaring at the boy shredding his task with so much time to spare, it probably made Ted feel he hadn’t made it tough enough. I doubt any of the girls could have completed the task on time though – I am positive I couldn’t have.

Lloyd’s final belly flop was something to behold. He jumped up not once but twice. Then after double-tapping on the cement he did a forward flip into the water to the delight of the crowd. They were singing the chorus “I wish I had Jessie’s girl!” and some of them would perform the air-guitar part and sing along to it “den-nen-now”.

He took over a full minute under-water and some of us were worried he might have cracked his head.

Savannah wasn’t – so I stood next to her. My Aunt remained standing in the nude with the Snicker’s bar in one hand and her arms and legs tied together with rubber-bungee cord because no one offered to let her out.

She looked unconcerned about that – instead she tried to stand on her tippy-toes to see over the crowd if her boy was okay.

Lloyd rose out of the water with a mighty “RAWWRARRRARRRRR” and the final pink-prize in between his teeth.

Ted raced over to the edge of the pool with the stick that had been used to guide my Aunt and shouted “Surprise twist - interference!” but the will of the crowd was on Lloyd completing the challenge and he was booed.

Lloyd spit out the final dildo and ignored Ted with more than half the song left. He bent over at the waist and bowed fully.

“What does he win?” someone in the crowd shouted.

“Him?” Ted looked scornful. “He gets to keep getting disciplined.”

“That’s bullshit,” another member of the crowd shouted. “He should win something.”

Ted didn’t like the way things were going with the crowd and was clearly uncomfortable.

“Can he win a kiss?” one of the 40-something women in the crowd who looked like a less-attractive Crystal offered. She was well tanned and had the same two-toned black and brown amber hair dye job but not as good. She strode towards the nude teenager without asking Ted again.

“Five bucks,” Ted insisted. I think he had in his mind a completely different scenario for this challenge. It would have been one of us girls and he would have exposed us with a “Hahaha – they can’t do it. See how inferior they are!” He didn’t like being the villain to the crowd – he wanted them to pat him on the back for his fiendish cleverness.

“Fine,” she tossed a five dollar bill that she had in between her cleavage on the ground at Ted’s feet and embraced Lloyd. She planted such a French kiss on him that Lloyd swooned. I thought his aroused cock became slightly fuller and erect while the woman planted the most passionate kiss I had ever witnessed on him.

I could hear my Aunt sigh with disdain for the woman, “That fucking bitch!” She made no effort to cover her nudity as she watched her son get his kiss with the rest of the crowd.

Lloyd pressed the unnamed MILF to his chest and took control of the kiss when they got some air; and then dipped her to the delight of the crowing other five women, who wished they had gone up to take her place but hadn’t had the courage.

“That’s two kisses!” Ted insisted, but the woman kissing my cousin flipped him the bird and the crowd lapped that up with laughter.

“Hey, I’ll pay five to kiss Jigga-Butt,” I heard from the V.I.P. section. One of the other regular watchers throughout the day was Boogie. He was dressed in a black leather vest that revealed his hairy belly and leather pants, like a biker – even though he drove a van.

He had long hair and sunglasses.

I heard Ted shout “Sold!” as he pointed to Crystal. She looked like she was going to protest this new condition but thought better of it. She was still naked and had her hands tied together but it didn’t stop Boogie from giving her a big old bear-hug.

The audience for Lloyd had fizzled when his kiss ended just in time for them to watch Crystal kiss this giant of a man.

“She loves to kiss anyone but me! She is inconsolable!” he complained to add to the scenario as the husband beside himself.

I corrected him with a giggle “I think you mean incorrigible, Sir.” Inconsolable would have meant brokenhearted and by the look on her face – she was actually enjoying the tongue to tongue action with the bearded biker.

“Is it five dollars to kiss anyone of them?” O.J.’s nephew Ryan said from behind me.

I could see O.J. and SS were right behind them – checking out this new spectacle.

“For the boss’s nephew?” Ted smiled broadly, “I should charge double – but sure! Take your pick.”

I didn’t want to look directly at him because I knew that he liked me and I would have been devastated if he didn’t pick me. He was from my rival high school, but he reminded me of boys from Cherry Lawn. He had a more modern hair-cut and dressed a little nicer than everybody else.

I have to admit – I wanted to kiss him.

He approached Savannah with a big smile. I wanted to jump in the pool and cool off. I had been getting aroused anticipating his kiss but she was tall, blonde, blue-eyed with nice tits and I was just an average freshmen girl – with short dark hair and blue-eyes. My nipples were too big for my smallish tits and I have a bubble-butt – I can’t compete with my cousin.

He smiled at her and then turned to me, “I’ll pick this one,” he grinned sheepishly.

He saw the look of excitement on my face when he picked me and I forgave him for letting me twist for a few moments while he pretended to decide.

Ted told him he would put it on his Uncle’s account and that is when Ryan took me in his arms and gave me the world’s most...