Chapter Twenty-Three

My Hobby Is Suffering Badly And I Need A Hard Time Fix!

We left the mall shortly after all the stores closed with bags full of things we mostly didn’t need.

“There isn’t enough room for this shit in the trunk,” Ted’s complained sourly and told me to ride in there and all our stuff could sit on Ryan’s lap.

I almost believed he was serious and considered doing it. I had been through so many weird situations today that the order went in my head and the part of my brain that would automatically detect an absurd suggestion and reject it wasn’t working. I was already thinking about the bumpy ride home in the dark locked in Junior’s trunk.

His laughter is what brought me back to reality. My Aunt’s side of the family had a dark sense of humor and I was starting to understand it better as time went on – but as we had come so far in the last week I couldn’t be sure if he was serious or kidding.

He was already cramming everything into the trunk to make it fit. “I wish we had bought some fucking duct-tape,” he said while sitting on the trunk to make it shut.

“You had better not put any duct tape on your uncle’s car and fuck it up,” O.J. warned him.

“Fuck my Uncle,” Ted sneered. “He doesn’t scare me. That fat ass has never worked a fucking day in his life and I am the lazy one?”

His question was rhetorical, but O.J. clearly felt the need to reply anyway. “Yes, because you’ve never worked an honest day in your life either.”

Ted nodded in agreement with a look of self-deprecation. “Why do that when I can stare at star shaped buttholes nightly and these ladies are making a mint?”

I shuddered at Ted’s vulgarity and the mental image of a ‘star shaped butthole’ as I returned to my spot on Ryan’s lap in the backseat. I wasn’t shocked by what he was saying, just that Ryan would think we were completely rancid, disgusting people. Even though Ryan seemed slightly amused by us, he remained aloof and distant – as if he was walking next to us and not with us.

“You know you will be paying me back with interest for the dinner and those swimsuits?” O.J. informed us when we were all seated and the doors were shut.

I wondered if I was the only one concerned no one bothered with seat belts here. I thought perhaps it was a country-thing, because where I came from – putting your seatbelt on was just an automatic thing you do whenever you ride in a car.

“I thought you said it was a gift and investment to your new business partners,” Crystal told him while flicking on the radio. An old Johnny Cash song came warbling across the radio.

I wear the black for those who never read,

Or listened to the words that Jesus said,

About the road to happiness through love and charity,

Why, you'd think He's talking straight to you and me.

Well, we're doin' mighty fine, I do suppose,

In our streak of lightnin' cars and fancy clothes,

But just so we're reminded of the ones who are held back,

Up front there ought 'a be a Man In Black.

The song sounded like it was about a tough guy; and I thought of Junior or S.S. in all black standing over me. Meanwhile my Aunt bartered, negotiated, and whined about the debt; but ultimately agreed to pay him back with a little interest when O.J threatened to take us home without dinner.

The dinner at Outback steakhouse was unremarkable. Ted was inappropriate, Crystal was flirty, Savannah was sassy, Lloyd was silly, my brother was nerdy and I was awkward.

Nelly jr. was there and forgotten while making snide remarks.

O.J. reminded us that his nickname for us was the “Ass Family.”

Ted was Jackass, Crystal was fat-ass, Savannah was smart-ass, Lloyd was dumbass and I was the Kiss-ass. He still hadn’t come up with one for my brother, which seemed like a put-down in and of itself that he hadn’t bothered.

We ate heartily and Ted and Crystal drank almost as heartily. We laughed and talked as if today were any normal day and we were any normal family. The event was talked about the way people would talk about an exhausting move from one house to another or a family vacation – we didn’t even go into details.

I was surprised because the events were still so fresh in my mind and the fact that everyone seemed happy and playful now surprised me.

“Can we work tomorrow?” Conner asked O.J. with sincere desire to continue being a handyman.

“I like your spunk,” O.J. received some tittering giggles around the table when he used the word ‘spunk’; but he told everyone to get their minds out of the gutters – at least until tomorrow.

He explained that the pool would not be ready tomorrow as he had hoped. He expected more people since the pool is being cleaned and word of the car wash with the friendly girls who work it was spread.

It will take another few days for the shock to settle in. He would let people get green hair and burn their eyes if they want to jump in now – because he knew no matter how many signs he put up around the pool that no one would read them.

“Literacy isn’t in the Buckman vocabulary,” O.J. Snorted, stating that most of the people in the Buckman wouldn’t even know what that word meant and that they probably couldn’t actually read.

He said that he would need the boys to print out flyers, and keep cleaning up. He had some special projects for them and gave us a few pointers about how to make money tomorrow.

Ted listened to the details of the scheme with interest for the first time. I don’t think he realized that the game involved pretending we were in dire straits for money, or that Savannah played a brat and I played the snotty, rich girl princess type until we could get someone to spank us.

It was nice to leave a restaurant without dining and dashing. We couldn’t have done it anyway because the restaurant manager recognized Ted and Crystal from the last time they were there and made them settle up past accounts with money borrowed from Odd-Jobs.

Ted and Crystal each saw at least two ex-boyfriends or girlfriends before we left – but we left stuffed, happy, and laughing.

On the ride home we passed the “Gaylord Amusement Park”. It was lit up and I could see a Ferris wheel and an old rickety roller coaster behind a white fence.

“Gaylord!” I laughed and asked what the sign said before someone changed it to that.

No one in the car said anything; and then I explained that most of the signs here had been vandalized to say something crude and gave examples about the Fuckman sign at the entrance, and the rock quarry being called “Cock Quarry.”

“Gaylord is Ted’s last name,” Crystal said without a trace of mischief in her voice. She explained that Junior’s dad owned the park.

My brother laughed out loud but no one else was laughing, “Ted the Gaylord?”

Ted said nothing. I would imagine if he had grown up around here – he had probably been teased all his life over the last name.

I stopped looking out the window and just relaxed. I was tired, my ass and tits were still stinging from the day’s activities and my muscles were sore all over from all the exercising and washing we did.

Crystal told us we could even go to the “Semen Hole” tonight with her blessing and that we had earned a night out. All four of us were ready for bed and didn’t take her up on the offer.

“Suit yourself,” Crystal didn’t seem surprised none of us wanted to go. She admitted she was tired too and couldn’t wait to turn in.

“You can turn in after I finish giving you the hot beef injection,” Ted steamed with a horny yet romantic ardor that wasn’t characteristic of him.

“So I’ve got five minutes once I get home before I can sleep,” Crystal teased him, but the two kissed in the car and went silent for a while.

“Thank you for being so kind and understanding about my family today,” I whispered to Ryan when I thought everyone’s attention was distracted by the radio and were in their own little world.

“You forgot to call me Sir,” he patted my hip with his hand in a mock spanking.

“I didn’t forget,” I smiled at him approvingly and teasing with a little sass I chose not to call him sir.

“You might pay for that tomorrow,” he teased back in the same flirtatious way.

“Oh punish me, Sir,” I pleaded mockingly. “My hobby is suffering badly and I need a hard time fix!” I rocked my butt on his lap back and forth pretending to desire him submissively.

“God damn,” Savannah remarked from the other side of the back seat “You two can wait to butt fuck. We have a little kid in the car.”

Nelly Jr. spoke up but Savannah shushed him and said, “Not you, I meant Conner.” Then she rode my brother’s lap the same way I did teasingly a few times before angrily stopping, “Gross, you little pervert!”

Conner giggled unapologetically “Well, you shouldn’t have rode my lap like that.” I heard the others in the car laugh when Savannah was the barb of her own joke, but I said nothing.

The thing was – I felt Ryan’s cock get hard and stay hard; and I sat right there on top of it. I had on a skirt, but I rode home quietly with his cock right at the entrance to my pussy. I thought about what would happen if I didn’t have a skirt on – and I just rode all the way home on these bumpy dirt roads with Ryan inside of me.

I was wet and aroused by the time I got home.

“Thank you,” I told him once we were dropped off at Glory Hill as I removed myself from his lap. I added “Sir” and kissed him on his cheek.

O.J. reminded us to strip at the front door and Crystal and Savannah flipped him the bird, so I did as well. It felt liberating to stick up my middle finger and pretend to be that disrespectful. I stripped just like the three of the other girls at the door and gave the clothes back to my Aunt.

O.J. said he now had to go pick up my mom in a few hours from her shift and lamented there was ‘no rest for the wicked’ before leaving.

“I kind of like this,” Ted kissed Crystal on the lips.

She told him not to get used to it and that she was only doing it until she had milked as much cash as she could out of it.

Ted looked at my Aunt’s purplish and bruised ass and asked her what happened.

“What do you mean what happened?” She knew he didn’t really want to know. “I made money. I will stick to doing the punishing in the future and let you girls take it. I am getting too old for this shit.”

With that she took Ted by the hand into the bedroom and shut the door without even as much as a good night to us.

I leaned down and placed my hands on my knees to look at Nelly Jr.’s fresh new coloring book he had already spread out on the floor. I asked him when he thought his uncle was going to come back for him. He had been here now for over a day and had become something of a fixture around the house.

“They don’t think it be like it do, but it do,” Nelly Jr. answered me with a string of street-jive nonsense and ignored me without looking up.

I was perplexed by his response. I thought he might be getting homesick for his own family.

My father and mother were gone for so long that I was really missing them suddenly. I know I missed my old life, friends, and school in Cherry Lawn. We had lost everything that reminded us of that life in our car just recently and that only served as a metaphor for losing my old life and identity.

“Hiraeth,” Maw-Maw was sitting on the couch where she had been when we left. I had never heard that word; and she repeated it again and told me it was a Welsh word that meant a homesickness for a home to which you cannot return. A home which maybe never was. The nostalgia, the grief, the yearning for the lost places of your past.

I was shocked she knew the word and what I was feeling at the moment.

She smiled at me like one would a simple, naïve child. “Tomorrow is the only thing that comes to you even if you don’t do anything. Everything else has to be fought for,” she offered me her home-spun wisdom.

I tried to reflect on what she was saying, but I would have to file it away for another day. I couldn’t concentrate because I was over-tired and the television in the living room was still on.

The TV show she was watching was a British comedy I didn’t recognize. A cast of hundreds of English waifs dressed as street-sweeps and vagabonds sang in chorus

There are Jews in the world there are Buddhists

There are Hindus and Mormons, and then

There are those that follow Mohammed, but

I've never been one of them

I'm a Roman Catholic

And have been since before I was born

And the one thing they say about Catholics is

They'll take you as soon as you're warm

You don't have to be a six-footer

You don't have to have a great brain

You don't have to have any clothes on you're

A Catholic the moment Dad came

Because every sperm is sacred

Every sperm is great

If a sperm is wasted

God gets quite irate

My brother recognized this right away as “Monty Python” and asked to sit up and watch it with Maw-Maw. I had heard of that show and wondered if the man standing and singing with all the little girls was the one called Monty.

Maw-Maw did not say he could or couldn’t join her, but asked, “How come you don’t have to be naked like your sister?”

“I used to think I knew, but I don’t even know anymore,” Conner admitted.

Maw-Maw told him he was probably the wisest one amongst us to be able to admit that, and invited him to sit down.

The rest of us went to sleep right away and as soon as my head hit the dirty mattress on the floor – it felt as if it was time to wake up. I awoke with a flutter of my eyelids to the smell of warm garbage from the dump and O.J. standing over me “Wakey-Bakey, Sugar Flakey” he teased and nudged me with my foot.

“Urrrfff, no – one more hour and I promise I’ll clean my room,” I was dreaming about our old house in Cherry Lawn Estates and the way my life used to be for me – except I was lazy and sassy in my new dream.

He laughed and prompted me to get up and scarf down some breakfast, “No rest for the wicked.”

It was surreal to walk naked into the living room with the rest of the family and not first need to change. Savannah and Crystal were already up and bouncing around the kitchen naked as well. My brother and cousin were at the table eating dry French toast or as the Danville’s call it “Toast”.

Ted was the only one who was still sleeping.

O.J. told us that half the morning was being wasted and we needed to get our “sweet little asses” in gear. My Aunt lamented the days when she could wake up, take a piss and go back to bed while sipping her coffee and sitting at the table, as if she wasn’t even naked and her enormous tits didn’t bounce provocatively every time she moved.

“Is my Mom here?” I asked once I had wiped some of the sleep out of my eyes and got my bearings.

“She,” O.J. answered, “stayed in town with Mike. She does know you made money and is very proud of you though.”

I was shocked that she didn’t even come home. “How much does she know about how we made money and how much we made?” I was starting to feel some anxiety about what we were doing now that the morning light had sobered me awake and I had a chance to picture my mother’s reaction to everything – including spending all our money and not having any for groceries.

We were running out of groceries if this breakfast was any indication – I was having buyer’s remorse about all the crap we purchased.

“I didn’t have time to tell her everything,” O.J. assured me. “She just knows you are safe, you are with your Aunt and cousin and you girls did go shopping last night to replace some of the stuff you lost when your car was broken into – don’t worry, O.J. won’t sell you under the bus. I am your business manager.”

“You’re our pimp,” Savannah playfully remarked, while making a sour-lemon face and kicking him with just her toes softly.

“If I were just a pimp,” he mused “I’d have pimp smacked you instead of bought you dinner last night.”

“You loaned us the money to buy us dinner last night,” Crystal corrected him.

“Then let’s get your fat asses loaded up in the cart so we can put them to work. You need to get in the right mind set to make money and play your roles. I think we need some warm up exercises!” O.J. appeared only half-serious, but he was probably right. None of us were taking this serious and I was still only partially awake. I wanted a shower, proper breakfast and honestly – clothes.

“Don’t worry,” Crystal assured him, “once we get there we’ll be ready to play.”

The guys loaded up the golf cart while we struggled into our bathing suits. I put on the two piece I had bought at the last minute the night before. I wished I had tried it on because it was a little tight, but I assumed that was how it was supposed to be anyway.

It was little more than a bubble-gum pink G-string in the front and matching string-top that tied in the back. I asked my cousin to tie me up in the back while Lloyd and Conner loaded up the cart with our boom-box, lotions, and cleaning supplies.

Conner was dressed in workman’s cargo pants that matched a pair Lloyd had. He was shirtless and even though his skin was pink, soft, and scrawny – I detected a hint of confidence in how he carried himself.

“I think I see a few muscles sprouting, Conner!” I encouraged him.

He sucked in his tummy and stood up a little straighter; and then cheerfully reminded me to start calling him Sir.

“Haw-Haw,” I teased him the way Savannah would her own brother, “I don’t have to until we get to the pool site, CONNER.”

“Actually,” O.J. hustled us out to the golf cart, “I would like you to start saying Sir at home and behaving a lot like your new alter-egos, because you guys are too different when you are off the clock. You don’t have to get crazy with it – but I want you to remain respectful and say Sir and Ma’am at home.”

Surprisingly Crystal supported this idea. “I think it’s wonderful that the two of you call me Ma’am at home. You two can just suck it up for the money we are making - it’s not going to kill you.”

“And it’s not going to kill you to ride with asses hanging out in the back of the cart. So hang on to the back on your knees with your rumps sticking out. We want to advertise that you are open for business again.” O.J. told all three of us.

Crystal smacked her daughter on her ass, “Go on Rebel Bikini, you earned your place as the star.”

“There is room for three girls on the back,” O.J reminded Crystal.

“Yeah, but I am the one in charge, so don’t undermine me,” Crystal sat in the front seat next to him in the cart and the boys filled in the backseat.

“Unless someone starts slapping down twenties?” O.J. teased her, while Savannah and I got in kneeling position on the back of the golf cart with our asses facing out.

“Yes Sir!!” Crystal laughed, and we pulled off for another drive through the Buckman.

“This time at least we have on bikini bottoms,” I whispered over to Savannah.

“You and your fucking bright side,” she admonished me for trying to count my blessings and small comforts.

There was a long quiet drive as we putted through the trailer park community in the early morning. It was quiet, but the sun was already out and signaling it was going to be another beautiful summer day.

“Thanks,” Savannah’s body was sidled against mine as we both kneeled in the little plastic cargo bed that constitutes the back of the golf-cart.

“Thanks for what?” I asked her.

“I just feel like since you have been here I have been seeing things with a new perspective,” she admitted. It was hard for her to talk about emotions, and feelings, and being thankful, and I knew she was opening up to me. “I like how you look on the bright side; and don’t stop just because I am an angry little bitch, okay?”

I smiled warmly at her. I wanted to tell her that I’ve had a lot of new perspectives thrown my way as well; and that I appreciated how liberated her and her mom were, how they took risks and didn’t get hung up on being ‘normal’.

“Jesus Christ,” instead I said, “Now I suppose you probably want to swap spit and go on a fucking honeymoon with me?”

She giggled and bumped her body into mine playfully to let me know that she thought my comment was funny and served to tell her that she was teaching me some things too.

“Dug-a-doo-doo-doo dug-a-doo-doo-doo-doo!” the familiar Dixie-air horn startled us both. It was Boogie in his van who had mysteriously pulled up behind us as if he had been waiting for us to ride past. He had a long beard and hair, but I couldn’t see him very well in his van. I could hear him yell at us “Flash your tits!”

Savannah shot him a bird, but wiggled her ass to tease him - I did the same.

Crystal turned around at us and began shaking her finger and mouthing silently as if she were trying to tell us to behave. “You two pretend I am telling you not to egg him on. Maybe we can have some business when get up there. It’s too fucking early for most of these pervs to be interested in titties and ass.”

Our now sun-kissed asses sticking out of the cart, and Boogie’s loud air-horn, served as something of a trailer park pied piper; with a trail of three or four interested horny men. The more we egged him and revved him up – the more he shouted and honked his horn. He rode slow behind us and blocked most traffic down the narrow streets – which only created a parade like effect as people noticed us and followed us.

The occasional kid on a bike tried to keep up with us for a while but soon lost interest.

I was smiling at my aunt and cousin because we were successfully building up a little business in the early morning; and that was going to be a big help towards getting out of debt with O.J. and turning some profit today.

We didn’t really need it. There were five cars waiting when we pulled up to the pool on Seminole and a nice early crowd of about a dozen people getting sun already at the new and improved pool.

“You boys get the girls’ table and lawn chair,” O.J. began instructing my brother and Lloyd on how to police up the beer-cans and burnt –embers from the bon-fire the teenagers left at the Semen-hole rec center the night before.

We were told to fill up the buckets with soapy water and then we were to start working right away.

Boogie waved at us from inside his van before driving away. He looked like the long haired, bearded hippy-type.

“Oh come back Boogie,” Savannah leapt up and down encouraging him to come back; but said it like she didn’t really mean it. She adjusted her rebel-flag bikini top letting just a flash of pink nipple be visible and said, “So who wants their car washed? It ain’t much we are charging. We just need to earn a little money to pay some bills!”

“Yeah,” I hopped up and down and let my ass and tits flop up and down. “Who wants to help us pay some bills?”

“You two better be respectful,” Crystal warned us. “If you aren’t, then I am going to ask one of these nice people to spank your bratty butts right here.”

“I sure wish you would,” Savannah challenged her mother and that is how my day began.

My hobby may have been suffering badly – but now it was becoming a profession.