Chapter Eleven

The difference between Facts and Farts is a C and an R

The door jiggled again and Savannah perched, ready to spring at the door and lay into Ted if he came back for round two of his gloating.

We were surprised to see the very dour face of my mother. She did not say a word. She just scanned us both sitting on our mattress and then looked at Conner as if she were making a decision.

“Hi Mom,” I offered lightly trying to diffuse her grim countenance.

“You really saw a peeping tom out there?” she asked me – remaining serious.

“Yes!” I insisted.

“That is another reason this place is too dangerous for you two to be gallivanting at night,” my mom lectured. I could see her mentally shudder at the thought of a peeping tom, but she was turning this into a lesson on my safety. “It’s for your own good we have rules!”

She flung some clothes at us. I could see the look of satisfaction on Savannah’s face. She had predicted her own mother would cave in on the punishment and now mine had done so.

Then we looked at what she gave us.

“A fucking diaper?” Savannah held up a large white plastic diaper with the designs and tape on the side. The word’s “Tranquility ultra-absorption XL” were printed on the side where the tape connects both side.

Conner giggled and I scrunched my nose at the idea of wearing a diaper instinctively.

“Your mom said no clothes so you are lucky to get this,” my mom addressed Savannah directly. “Obviously,” my mom explained of the tops we received, “your Aunt doesn’t have any bras that would fit you two and even if they did they are too sexy. So you get to wear shirts. Do NOT make me regret this decision.”

I nodded my head but Savannah stared at her expecting an explanation.

“I don’t want Ted, or Conner,” she corrected herself to include Conner regarding her explanation; and continued in a hushed tone, “I heard him in here talking to you both and I’d rather you cover yourselves. You aren’t foolish enough to leave the house in a diaper. I didn’t ask why my sister had them laying around, but obviously you are not to ACTUALY USE THEM. ”

“Oh too late,” Savannah was already putting hers on herself, “I already pissed in mine,” she joked.

“I would think you would show some appreciation,” my mom didn’t wait for Savannah to say anything before turning to leave.

“Yes Ma’am,” Savannah’s voice was sarcastic, “Thank you for the fucking diaper.”

The shirts weren’t long enough to hide the diaper. I felt silly trying to sit on my diaper and tape it on; but I was thankful not to be completely naked any longer. I had become wet from all the excitement and was just glad to get something on.

“Booby watching is over,” Savannah announced to Conner. He didn’t have anything to say in response – just rolled over on his mattress.

Savannah and I made small talk. I implored her to finally throw away my duct tape tail she had flung at Ted but she laughed and told me “Hell, your butt plug makes a great souvenir of your trip to trailer park hell.”

We were both laughing when we heard tapping at the screen window in the bedroom.

Savannah stood up ready to assault whoever dared tap on the window. “Ding Dong if that is you so help me gawd I will cut your fucking balls off and shove them so far up your..” she stopped as she got to the window.

“You’ll what?” Tim Riggins smiling face popped into the window. The stars and moon reflected in his long brown hair as it flowed down his boyishly handsome face.

“I will...,” Savannah forget completely what she was saying as she stood mesmerized.

“I thought you two were coming to the semen hole?” Tim shimmied into our bedroom with a dexterous grace of a movie swashbuckling pirate dashing through the window to see the governor’s daughter in his own palace. I had to admit that he had both a puckish charm and a slow, southern charm that made you want to trust him.

His brother and Lloyd were outside our window as well; and they were waiting for us and trying to look in the window.

“Semen hole?” I scrunched my nose. I instantly regretted how uptight I had sounded when I asked that question.

“The rec center is on Seminole Avenue,” Tim explained the play on words with a hearty chuckle. “The adults named it the Play and Stop or Play and Choke or something stupid. Everyone who goes there just calls it semen hole.”

“Gross!!” Conner sounded impressed and elated with the outrageousness of that.

Tim stood in our room modestly. He didn’t take Conner’s obvious man-crush on him seriously. It should have been flattering, but the way Tim stood there I could tell he was used to being looked up to and adored and didn’t let it go to his head.

“We can’t go,” Savannah indicated her outfit. “We got caught already sneaking out.”

“There is always a second try,” Tim’s charming smile could have talked me into walking right off the roof and jumping into Zeus and Ares’s pen without hesitation. I think it was working on Savannah and I knew it was working on Conner who clearly had a man-crush on Tim like he did Lloyd.

“We’ll just ninja our way down there and you’ll be back before they find out,” Tim said with a confidence that made you want to follow him.

Savannah pulled her shirt up slightly to emphasize the diaper. “They made us wear these so we would be too embarrassed to go down there,” she shrugged disappointed we couldn’t go.

“So?” he laughed “If anyone looks just tell them it was a dare in the game of life or that it’s what all the cool kids are doing. If you got another pair I’ll put one on. I am sure Billy and Lloyd will too.” He was completely serious.

Conner agreed hopefully, “I’d do it too! We’ll be a clique!”

“That’s nice,” Savannah shook her head no. “But we only got the two pairs. We’ll have to do this some other night.”

“Two hours,” Tim smiled at her.

“One hour,” she didn’t hesitate to answer back.

“Deal!” he grinned.

“Wait a second,” I shook my head apprehensively. Savannah was surprised I didn’t let her negotiate for me. I was already in trouble with my mother and I didn’t need any more.

“Would you rather we stay here and you can explain to your mom what we are doing in here?” Tim’s roguish smile was good natured and there wasn’t a trace of malice in his threat. It was obviously much, much worse if a boy was caught in our room.

“You wouldn’t,” I found myself gasping and laughing.

“All night,” he declared without hesitation. He wasn’t being cavalier or callous – I knew he meant what he said; but at the same time I knew he was just being charming and trying to get us to come with him.

“Fine, one hour?” I swallowed my agreement, “and we all stay together?” I was already getting butterflies in my stomach. It wasn’t the kind I got when I had been stripped and tied up at the quarry – that had felt dangerous. This felt more mischievous – a subtle distinction that I think only the butterflies that inhabit my tummy truly understand.

Lloyd and Billy helped us all down through the window. Conner tried to do it himself but despite his silent protests – Lloyd gave him a helping hand down. There had been no shame in trying to do it himself and the guys didn’t make him feel bad about not being able to hop out the window by himself.

Tim bounded out the window with the same dashing grace of a Johnny Depp in a Pirates of the Caribbean movie.

They had not drove the truck to pick us up. The sound would have woke us up. Lloyd quietly silenced Ares and Zeus. They were his dogs and they knew better than to bark at him and anyone with him.

We walked under the moonlight to the front of the trailer park. I learned that Seminole Avenue is the main entrance where the ‘Fuckman’ sign is located. It is where the office, water treatment plant and the rec center is located.

“Looking up into the night sky – space is a time machine. We see what happened in the night sky thousands of years ago.” Tim observed with a deep profoundness.

It might have sounded cheesy coming from anyone else, but the way he delivered the line it sounded like he was truly in awe of the universe and it made me suddenly aware of all the naked stars shining down upon us.

At night the Buckman takes on a very different feeling than it does in the day time. There are a number of perfectly straight and narrow main roads all lined with single wide trailers. Each one has a small yard that isn’t more than twenty feet across and most of them are butt to butt with a trailer on the other side of them.

There are also smaller winding streets and cul-de-sacs that branch off the main streets. They explained to me how to navigate the park by orienting yourself on one of the main streets that go east-west or north and south until I found the street we are on. I also learned that each of those main streets has a core demographic – there are streets favored by latinos and black people exclusively.

“We’re a fucking rainbow on Glory Hill,” Savannah explained to me that our street was one of the more racially diverse streets. I really didn’t listen to her explanation. I noticed she called it ‘our’ street which made me feel good to be included. I didn’t feel like an outsider as much any longer.

I was daydreaming about Tim holding my hand. He didn’t – he just remained friendly; but I admit in case it’s not obvious -I was smitten with the older boy.

If we had walked up to the ‘Semen Hole’ by ourselves in our earlier escape attempt from the trailer I would have told Savannah I wanted to turn right around and go back.

It reminded me of the end scene in Lord of the Flies when they have that big bonfire and everyone is running around it chaotically.

There were approximately thirty teenagers around a large bonfire on the fenced in pool deck that was obviously the nucleus of activity. There were a few smaller groups of two or three in outlying cliques by themselves away from the bonfire.

The first people we saw was two black girls cat-fighting in the darkness near the pool area. The shorter and thicker of them snatched the taller girl’s hair right out of her head and pulled off a wig or some hair-weave and began showing it to everyone, “Her hair ain’t real. Her hair ain’t real!”

They both confronted each other and began taunting one another back and forth with a series “Yes huh!” and “No wuh!” No one made an attempt to stop the girls from fighting and everyone besides Conner and me seemed to think this was no big deal.

Conner and I were frightened and I looked at him for reassurance. He glanced at me with an expression that asked what hell were we walking into?

One of the black girls demanded the other “RESPECT THAT!” intensely.

The other girl put her hands on her hip and repeated “No, No, No” over and over until it escalated into a slap fight and pulling. The taller black girl grabbed the front of her shirt and pulled her bra off – leaving her shirt.

The shorter girl demanded she give it back and launched herself on the girl wailing and grinding her into the sand on the outskirts of the party. They pulled at each other’s titties and slapped each other’s asses but they also landed a few solid punches in each other’s bellies. I was surprised this wasn’t garnering much attention.

I looked at the guys in our group and it was clear they were just going to let it go on. Tim picked up on my concern and walked over softly and asked if there was going to be a problem here?

Then he made the taller one give back the bra as she dusted herself off and told them to help look for Laqwanda’s hair.

Just like that – problem solved. Tim walked back to us as if it was the simplest thing to have resolved.

The faint sounds of country music was playing from a boom-box in the center of the party at the pool. I never heard the song before but it went something like this;

It don’t matter what plans I got, I can break ‘em.

Yeah, I can turn this thing around at the next red light

And I don’t mind telling all the guys I can’t meet ‘em.

Hell, we can all go raise some hell on any other night

Girl, I don’t care. Oh I just gotta see what you’re wearing.

Your hair, is it pulled up or falling down?

Oh I just have to see it now.

If you wanna call me, call me, call me.

You don’t have to worry ‘bout it baby.

The pool itself had been filled with mostly red Solo cups and old beer cans. It was clearly not intended for swimming in a long time. The bonfire was contained within a ramshackle of cement cylinder blocks. The pool deck was charred in various places, indicating that the fire had been there at one time or another on nights long past.

The kids were laughing and talking sitting on busted lawn chairs that were chained to the cement. In the dark no one noticed what we had on and I nervously walked through the gaggle of people hoping it remained that way.

Tim, Billy, and Lloyd were very popular, as guys and girls alike walked up and said hello to them. Tim and Billy were clearly more popular but Lloyd fit right in with them. The further we walked into the throng of teenagers the more popular it seemed the kids were.

It might have been my imagination, but it felt like a Darwinistic social pecking order had been established. The more popular and cool you were the further into the thick of the circle you were allowed to go – I felt like I didn’t belong in the circle other than by virtue of being escorted by Tim and Billy.

A boom box played a rap song I never heard before. It was a good beat. They played country, rap, rock randomly.

Everything is gold, everything is equal

Posted on the porch just chillin', me and my people

Eyelids closed, gold sun shines on

The world’s coated in the gold Krylon

Yea, and these days days days

They never run away

Gold tints, shades, that block out that golden haze

Take all the gold from the pawnshop that lives behind the case

And get to give it away

My gold erupted from volcanoes in the heavens

And every shrine that existed in time melting

Tombs open, Dookie Ropes on the bells

When everything is gold, who cares about the carats?

They say that gold's the skin of the gods

You can’t take the band there when you’re gone

I’ll tip over that kiosk in the mall

As the sunset falls into tomorrow

I was surprised, as pretty as Savannah was that she didn’t have any one treating her the same way.

She remained quiet and alert – almost on guard.

It soon became apparent why. A very attractive blonde who was introduced as “Tawny” emerged from the crowd.

They were obvious rivals. Tawny was a little bit taller and had much larger tits. Her long blonde hair was teased and feathered like Farrah Fawcett from the 1970s. She had a perfect smile and a button nose just like Savannah. She was dressed in a short midriff top and had on sexy black boy-shorts that accentuated her butt perfectly – the word ‘booty’ was written across the back, but you didn’t need to read it to know what was in them.

The way she was squeezed into those tight shorts and how they hugged her frame left very little to the imagination. She had them pulled down far enough that you could see the top inch of her ass crack peeking out of the top of them in the back.

“Well, well, look what the cat dragged in?” Tawny successfully intimidated Savannah.

Savannah said nothing and looked down as if she didn’t hear the girl.

“Oh, you heard me all right,” Tawny laughed and then walked away. I think it might have been a bigger insult to ignore Savannah than to keep taunting her – it certainly shifted Savannah’s mood.

“I told you there was nothing but assholes here,” she whispered to me.

“They aren’t all assholes,” I whispered back.

“True that,” Savannah agreed.

There was cheap beer in an aluminum keg being passed around in red Solo cups for five bucks. Tim and Billy just looked at the kid who was charging money and he gave all of us free beers.

I smiled and I admit I felt special.

I didn’t actually want to drink beer. I’ve never tasted the stuff. They told me it would taste like “liquid bread”. It tasted more semi-warm sour, bitter, salty foam.

I must have been scrunching my nose the way I do instinctively when something grosses me out. “You will get used to the taste,” Billy teased me with a laugh.

I just sipped my cup. I could see Conner was doing his best to look like he wanted beer as well and trying not to spit it back out. I had to laugh at how brave a face he was making. He looked so out of place – a full head shorter than the other popular guys he was standing with.

I had never seen anyone actually smoke marijuana before. I had smelled that smell in Crystal and Ted’s bedroom and thought it was just incense. They had a lot of incense burners and tiki-wood containers in their room.

I had been raised in Cherry Lawn to believe that anyone who smoked dope would get serious brain damage and go to prison for life. We had been indoctrinated in ‘junior sheriff’s and D.A.R.E programs to hear people tell us how drugs just led to everything awful and I was shocked to see teenagers freely smoking and passing it to one another.

No one made a big deal out of it. I should have realized that they wouldn’t; but at any moment I would not have been surprised if black helicopters swooped down and drug agents burst down on rope lines to arrest all of us.

I was pleasantly surprised to see when someone offered a ‘hit’ to Tim he held up his hand and quietly said no. The joint skipped our group and went around to other kids once Tim had declined.

We sat down in the very center of the party in some lawn chairs around a broken glass table. Tim asked me how I liked it and cooed, “Oh just fine.”

“It’s not my scene either,” he saw right through my white lie with a charming grin.

There was a moment where the two of us connected and I looked Tim right in his baby blue eyes and almost lost myself.

“I asked them to come get you,” Lloyd interrupted and broke the exchange. “You and Conner don’t know anybody so I just figured you might get to meet people this way.”

Savannah smacked her brother in the shoulder playfully, “Meet a bunch of assholes.” Lloyd was well used to her way of smacking him and putting him down when she actually appreciates his efforts.

“I don’t see why you two have to be enemies,” Lloyd was obviously talking about Tawny.

“Fuck that cunt,” Savannah sneered. She didn’t see that Tawny was standing right behind the chair she was sitting in.

Tawny intentionally upturned a full cup of beer on Savannah’s hair slowly and added ‘oopsie’ while covering her mouth. The word ‘Buxom’ isn’t used very often to describe women – but watching the way Tawny’s breasts heaved and jiggled naturally – that word comes to mind automatically. Her tits are probably what Crystal expected the plastic surgeon to give her, except they are the kind of naturally perfect boobs that only Mother Nature can make and that time won’t let you keep.

Savannah burst out of her chair and confronted Tawny just like the two black girls who had been fighting earlier. This time however it was in the center of the party and everyone was suddenly interested. The music was shut off and people circled around to watch the fight play out.

Tawny and Savannah were sizing each other up – neither saying a word. They looked like they were about to furiously beat the living crap out of one another.

“What the fuck are you wearing?” Tawny laughed impishly “A diaper?” the entire crowd laughed at Savannah and I could feel myself shrink two inches shorter as I felt that laughter press down upon me as well. “Did you make a poopy boom-boom?”

Savannah must have felt that weight too. She looked like she wanted to crawl under a rock and die. I could sense Savannah was having one of those primal moments that I remembered having when we were playing Cowboys and Indians. I had chosen flight instead of fight but it looked like Savannah might be ready to choose fight.

“I told her to wear it,” Tim Riggins spoke up. His voice was soft, but it completely cut the tension like it was a wire that just snapped in half.

All attention shifted on him.

“I dared her and her cousin to wear diapers up here and they did it like two fucking bad-asses.” Tim’s explanation defused Tawny; and the crowd’s opinion shifted its support to Savannah and now me.

I felt like a spotlight had just been placed on me because now everyone noticed that I was wearing a white diaper. I almost peed myself – I guess I had the right thing on just in case.

“What do they win for doing the dare?” Tawny’s question came stuttering out of her mouth as if she was in disbelief that Tim had stood up for us. I felt there had been a history between the two of them – but they clearly were not dating now.

“They get free beer all night,” Tim lied with a smoothness that made me want to believe that was our agreement – even though there was no way I had any interest in even finishing the one warm beer I was still nursing.

“Well fuck,” Tawny sounded like the dare wasn’t all that hard. “I’ll go home and get one of my little brother’s diapers and wear it for that!”

“I know you would,” Tim said with a cock-sure quality, “that’s why it wouldn’t be much of a dare for you.”

There were a few muffled giggles as Tim’s implication that Tawny would do just about anything for free beer dawned on the other kids.

“Observe ye everything that takes place in the heaven,” the booming voice of an elderly man quoting a biblical passage startled everyone and continued, “ how they do not change their orbits, and the luminaries which are in the heaven, how they all rise and set in order each in its season, and transgress not against their appointed order!”

The throng of kids began to scatter and run – the party was clearly over. The old man’s voice had the quality of a Shakespearean voice actor giving an overly dramatic reading of their lines.

“Behold ye the earth, and give heed to the things which take place upon it from first to last, how steadfast they are, how none of the things upon earth change, but all the works of God appear to you. Behold the summer and the winter, how the whole earth is filled with water, and clouds and dew and rain lie upon it.” A hose was being turned on the fleeing teenagers as the old man squirted them down as the kids fled through the one and only gate.

The Riggins boys did not panic. They waited for everyone else to clear out and get hit by the water before taking us to one of the bathrooms.

“And it came to pass when the children of men had multiplied that in those days were born unto them beautiful and comely daughters. And the angels, the children of the heaven, saw and lusted after them, and said to one another: 'Come, let us choose us wives from among the children of men 3 and beget us children.' And Semjaza, who was their leader, said unto them: 'I fear ye will not.” I heard the old man say as the bathroom door closed behind us.

“That’s crazy old Methuselah,” Billy explained boosting us out the window in the bathroom. “He is more bark than bite but you don’t want to mess with him.”

We heard what sounded like a chainsaw starting up outside and I peed myself. I hate to admit that I did that but I was so scared that I let out a long stream of pee. It felt warm and gross and I noticed that my white diaper was slowly turning pink to indicate I needed a changing.

If anyone else noticed they didn’t say anything – The Riggins boys made sure each of us made it out of the bathroom and told us to run.

I stayed with Lloyd, Conner and Savannah because even though they had told me how to navigate the Buckman I felt safer in a group.

We didn’t stay and wait for the Riggins boys who told us they would distract him. I thought he might be a serial killer the way everyone was afraid of him. I had seen Friday the 13^th and my mind instantly went to that. In my haste I thought if these people tolerated flashers and peeping toms then maybe they tolerated a total crazed maniac as well?

That was probably a bit absurd, but it helped keep me running.

Conner was the first one to ask to stop and catch his breath. I ran track and Savannah and Lloyd were very fit for kids who never seemed to exercise. I put my hands on my hips and bent over trying to catch my breath in the night air.

A bright flood light locked on to the four of us and we all stared at it like a deer caught in oncoming traffic. I was waiting for everyone to scatter or run in a direction and I would run with them before I fled.

I heard the quiet sound of a golf cart roll towards us. The man with the light cut it off with a chuckle, “Down at the Stop.N.Play were you?”

I instantly recognized the voice as Odd-Jobs.

None of us answered him and he laughed, “You know it’s closed this time of night?”

“Yeah we know,” Savannah was the first to dare answer him.

“You picking another winner?” he asked me. He had caught me absent-mindedly pulling the diaper out of the crack of my ass the way he had when he first met me a few days ago on the way back to my aunt’s trailer.

I didn’t answer and he chuckled “Do I even want to know why you girls have on diapers?”

“No you do not,” Savannah sounded impatient and curt. I expected her to say something like “We don’t have time for your tom-foolery.”, but instead she just asked if he would give us a lift back to Glory Hill Drive.

“Sure, hop on! I have to come back to pick up your momma in the morning,” he smiled and told us to all pile on. It was close quarters all the way back to the trailer as we sat on each other’s hands or legs in order to squeeze into the golf-cart. The cart wasn’t going fast but without a windshield the rush of wind sure felt that way.

Odd Jobs whisked us through the trailer park. I have to admit with the breeze in my hair and everyone hanging on as we careened around corners I was actually having fun. I had to wriggle my ass to hang in the seat at times and I had one of the poles that held the roof up between my boobs to cling to the cart so I didn’t fly off; but I was honestly laughing and having fun with my brother and cousins and didn’t think too much about it.

We were all smiling and having a good time!

I didn’t even mind the creepy way Odd Jobs stared up at my diaper every now and then. I just smiled back politely.

Savannah had told me earlier that guys are going to stare – you might as well get used to it. I have to admit that was pretty good advice, because otherwise I would just over analyze why they were staring and if they were judging me. If they stared too much or too little I could drive myself batty wondering what it all meant and it turns out guys just don’t think that much about it. They stare at your tits or your ass for as long as it takes them to get a mental snapshot or until they lose interest and that is really all there is to it.

Odd Jobs parked right in front of the trailer. Savannah told him not to tell her mom and he winked and nodded “It’ll just be our little secret,” he whispered and smacked her on the butt as she stepped out of the cart. She looked at him skeptically while we all piled out and headed towards the back of the yard to sneak back in our bedroom.

I had fun but I was actually relieved to get back to our familiar little part of the trailer park.

We had fun and we were almost home without a major incident. We had seen some cat fighting but at least we hadn’t been caught up in the humiliation – other than a beer poured on Savannah’s head. I would never have thought about sneaking out when we lived in Cherry Lawn – I wouldn’t have known where to go even if I had.

I was thinking about all the teenagers that go to the “Semen Hole’ as regulars. There are two possibilities;

1. Their parents know and approve of them going without supervision to a place where kids drink, smoke marijuana and cigarettes and fight;

2. They sneak out frequently to do that.
   
   
   

I should never be surprised that the parents are more permissive in the Buckman, but I told myself that the majority of them are probably in the second group. That means they all must sneak in and out of windows on a regular basis. The thought of many other kids doing it made me feel less guilty about breaking the rules. I think in my heart I am still a rule follower – I am just conscientious by nature.

We were just a few steps away from the window and getting back inside. We waved off Odd-Jobs but he sat and watched to make sure we went back in the trailer.

Conner got a giddy look on his face and did something that seemed random and spontaneous.

He did a goofy little dance and ran up to Ares and Zeus in their pen. I was already whispering ‘no!!!!’ as I saw him out of the corner of my eye hopping away. It was like one of those ‘slow-motion’ moments when you can see yourself dropping something and you are powerless to stop it

Not only did Conner dance around the dogs but he sang out randomly, “Adventure time, C'mon, grab your friends! We'll go to very distant Lands With Zeus the Dog and Lloyd the Human - The Adventure will never end! It's Adventure Time!”

He sounded just like Michael Cera in his squeaky and cute voice trying to be cute.

He was being silly because he was happy. He had drank less than a quarter of a beer but he was acting more than just a little drunk. At this point everyone was trying to shush him but even Lloyd’s command of his dogs could not prevent them from barking out when they saw my brother dance around and sing his dumb little song.

“ROW-ROW-ROW!!” the dogs didn’t stop barking even after Lloyd frantically tried to quiet them. We all knew once they started barking we were totally busted! It wouldn’t have mattered if Lloyd quieted them down after the first ‘ROW’.

I hung my head in disbelief.

Crystal was the first one to open the door. I could distinctly see the cherry of her cigarette as she stood expectantly with her hands on her hip in the darkness. My mother, Ted, and Nelly Jr were the next ones to stumble to the door.

I knew we were about to get it.

Trouble.