Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience. Amy and the Alien (mc, Mg, Mdom, anal, alien, humor, 3473 words) Authors Note: This was written for Piper's Domain. Check that site out! "You don't look like an alien," Amy said, her head cocked to one side inquisitively. Her eyebrows arched behind her large blue glasses. "And I suppose you're an expert, then, are you?" the alien said sardonically. "Seen a lot of aliens?" "No, of course not! It's just that, well, I mean, you look like someone's uncle, not a man from outer space. And you don't even have a proper space suit. What kind of an alien goes around without his space suit? I don't think I believe you're an alien at all." "Whose uncle? And this is a perfectly good space suit I'll have you know. I paid thirty seven polfacks for it and an extra two polfacks for this weird zipper thingy. It's a disguise space suit you silly tiny human, a disguise! I am an alien, I can prove it." "No one's uncle, that's just a ... It doesn't matter. How can you prove it?" Amy pushed the glasses back up onto her nose and looked up into the alien's odd blue eyes, daring him. The thin rings of gold around his irises really were quite interesting. The alien stared into Amy's pretty green eyes for a moment before he answered. "Let's see, uhm, well, suppose I make your head explode. No, wait, that's probably not best. How about if I disappear in a blinding flash and a cloud of acrid smoke?" "I saw a magician do that at school last month and he definitely wasn't an alien. He was just Mrs. Thompson's brother-in-law. And he was rubbish. Worst magician ever. You'll have to do better than that." "You're awfully demanding for an eight-year-old, Amy Nihunt. Are all the tiny humans on your planet so forward?" It was obvious the alien was stalling for time. "Hey, there you go - how did I know your name is Amy Nihunt and that you're eight if I'm not an alien? Hah!" "Oh my god, you're pathetic," Amy said and pursed her pretty little lips. "It says 'Amy Nihunt' right there on my spelling test and eight was just a good guess - because you can see I'm a second grader and it's April." The alien stared at Amy with his eyebrows drawn together and a frown on his lips. "Maybe I should go back to blowing up your head." "As if," Amy snorted. "Ooh, you're infuriating." The alien flopped back onto the bus bench in defeat. "Excuse me, miss, but is this man bothering you?" a strange man asked from where he was waiting for the bus. "Oh!" Amy screamed, startled badly. A stranger was talking to her! She edged closer to the alien and whispered "make him go away! I'm not allowed to talk to strangers!" "Go away!" the alien said to the man and the rings around his irises flashed, almost too fast to see. The man turned and walked away without a word. "If you were really an alien you'd do something spacey," Amy declared, as if nothing had happened. She turned to look closer at the balding, paunchy alien. "What the heck does that mean?" "I don't know, just something spacey. Can you float in the air? Do you have a ray gun? Why don't you call your ship and beam us up, then I'd know for sure you were an alien instead of a pathetic old pervert." "Hey, I am not old!" "You look forty, that's like ancient." A bus was approaching the curb and Amy got up to board it. "Why am I still talking to you? You are much too annoying for such a tiny human," the alien said as he stood to join Amy. "I'm a girl, you dork. And I'm not tiny, I'm eight. I'm just right for my age." Amy pursed her lips at the alien, but her eyes twinkled with enjoyment. It wasn't every day she got to torture a grown-up like this, even if he was crazy and thought he was an alien. Okay, she was rather petite for her age, but she wasn't going to admit as much to a complete stranger. She wasn't supposed to talk to strangers, that's what mommy always drilled into her head. The thought was momentarily confusing. "And I am not a Dork! Dorks come from an entirely different quadrant. I am a Fxplnot, and don't you forget it. Dork, hah, now who's pathetic?" The alien was honestly indignant. The alien's angry voice brought Amy back to earth. "I don't believe you and you're the one who's pathetic," she said. "You are!" "No, you are!" The bus pulled to the curb as Amy spat back at the alien. "Oh, you are so maddening!" the alien harrumphed loudly. "What is this large metal box with an insufficient number of wheels?" "You know, pretending to be stupid isn't going to convince me you're an alien," Amy said as she queued up for the bus. "I am not pretending to be stupid!" The alien said with true affront. "Oh, so you really are stupid," Amy said as she boarded the bus and dropped her change in the fare box. She looked back at the alien who was examining the fare box and the scowling bus driver with evident confusion. He looked to her for assistance. "Oh god, what a dork!" Amy said and paid his fare for him. Before Amy started down the aisle she said to the unknown driver, "Where is Mister Dobson?" "Dobson?" the driver said. "Dobson drives the number twenty five over on Elm Street. This is the forty six." "Oh, okay, thanks," Amy said and started down the aisle. "I told you. I am not a Dork!" the alien whispered harshly to Amy as he shadowed her towards the back of the bus and then slipped in to a seat next to her. "That's very insulting. Dorks are hideous creatures and they have terrible bad breath. I am a Fxplnot! And I am not stupid." "The stupid not-an-alien says what?" Amy mumbled. "What?" the alien said and scowled when Amy coughed and covered her mouth to keep from laughing. He looked hard at her, not sure 'what' had just happened. "If you're an alien then why do you look like an accountant?" Amy broke into the alien's thoughts. He peered at her, annoyed. "Well, if you must know, and I must say you are really quite brash, tiny human, this is a disguise body." "Oh, right," Amy said with a smirk. She pushed her glasses up onto her nose again and pulled her unruly blonde hair back behind her ear where it immediately came loose again. "A disguise body in a disguise space suit, yeah, that clears it all up. Yup, you're an alien all right." "Are you being sarcastic with me? I was told to watch out for the strange sarcastic thing. I must say it's quite annoying! You are, you're being sarcastic. Extraordinary! And annoying. Stop it at once!" "Oh, no, mister alien, I would never be sarcastic with you." "Ooh! You're doing it again! Stop it!" Amy finally couldn't keep herself from giggling out loud. Her tinkling laughter erupted with a snort and a huge smile crossed her pretty young face. "Oh my god, you're so funny!" she managed to say between bouts of laughter. "What in the universe is that strange sound you are making?" the alien insisted. "It's quite lovely," he added. "I'm laughing at you, you dork." Amy broke into another round of tinkling giggles and she tossed her hair back to get it out of her face once again. "I told you, I'm not a Dork! That is quite an insult tiny human." "My name is Amy, not tiny human! And you have to admit you're pretty funny. Okay, okay, you're not a dork. But you're not an alien either." "Am too." "Are not." "Am too!" "What are you, five? My sister can argue better than that." "Of course I'm not five. I'm two thousand four hundred and thirty seven of your ridiculous earth years." "Yeah, sure. And you're an alien, a Fxplnot. Really, I believe you." "Ooh! You're being sarcastic again. I simply can not abide that. I am going to blow up your head now." "Yeah, sure, that's the way to win an argument." Amy smirked again and stared the alien in the eye. This was just too much fun. The alien's eyes bulged out and his face was red, but he turned away and tried to think. Surely a being with interstellar space flight could outwit a tiny and immature earth person. "Hmm," he finally said. "What if I use my mind controlling telepathy to compel you into believing that I'm an alien? Hah! What do you say to that?" "That's just silly," Amy replied. "I am definitely going to blow up your head, Amy Nihunt, you infuriating tiny human. Explain why my perfectly sensible plan is silly." "It obviously doesn't count if I only believe you're an alien. You have to actually prove it," Amy replied smugly and crossed her arms for emphasis. "Oh, well, I suppose." The alien twitched his lips and his bushy brows pulled together. "Aha!" he said, suddenly beaming. "You forgot the mind controlling telepathy part! That would prove I was an alien." "It wouldn't prove anything. Ever heard of hypnosis Mister I'm-going-to-blow-up-your-head-space-alien? You really are a dork-face, oh sorry, I mean you really are Fxplnot-face." "Ooh! Tiny human, you are trying my patience!" "I'm a little girl, not a tiny human, you dumb-dumb. This is my stop. Go on, you have to let me get out." Amy pulled the chord and sidled by the alien to start towards the exit. Amy got off the bus with the alien close on her heels. She brushed out the wrinkles in her school uniform and straightened her glasses. They walked together up a quiet residential street for a block. Amy stopped and looked at the alien. "Are you following me?" she asked. "No," was all the alien said. "This isn't my house," Amy stated flatly. "No, it's not," the alien replied. "Oh, okay," Amy said and resumed walking, holding the alien's hand. They walked another block before Amy said "so, go on, admit it, you're not really an alien." "I most certainly am an alien!" the alien said. "And look here, I can prove it. Here is my space shuttle." The pair had walked up a short driveway and around the side of a house. Amy looked at the structure the alien was happily presenting to her in the back yard. She looked at the alien, then back at the structure then back at the alien. "Now you're just being goofy," she said. "I am not!" the alien snorted. "Are too." "Am not!" "Are too." "I. AM. NOT!!" The alien was blubbering with fury, red in the face and clenching his fists in frustration. "You really suck at this, you know," Amy said with a disarming smile. "I know, I know," she continued, raising her hands in mock fear, "you're going to explode my head any second now." "Ooh!" the alien snorted, but he calmed down quickly, soothed by more of Amy's lovely tinkling giggles. "It really is my space shuttle," he said petulantly. "It's an Enchanted Fairy Princess Castle Playhouse. My friend Aisha has one just like it. It's not a space shuttle," Amy said quietly, with great patience. "Maybe we need to go get you some help." "It is a space shuttle in disguise!" the alien hissed. "Ooh, I get it now. You take your disguised body in your disguised space suit and get in your itty-bitty disguised pink space shuttle, with turrets, don't forget the turrets, and you fly up to your disguised space ship orbiting a disguised moon on the far side of a disguised planet. Have I got that about right?" "Ooh. I do believe this sarcasm thing calls for some head exploding! Here, see for yourself." The alien held open the front door of the pink play castle, trying ever so hard to seem dignified and failing miserably. "Go on. Oh, now what are you looking for?" "I just figured it was about time for the men in the white coats to show up," she said with a giggle. But then she dutifully stepped in to the playhouse. Despite being only eight, and a rather tiny human, she had to duck to get through the arched doorway. The alien had to get down on his knees to crawl through the door and Amy couldn't help giggling even more at his undignified expense. "There, you see," he said, "my space shuttle." "It's an Enchanted Fairy Princess Castle Playhouse and you're a dork-face, but the good kind of dork-face, not the nasty smelly alien kind of Dork-face." Amy looked around the small interior of the pink playhouse, barely six by six. There wasn't much to see. She sat comfortably on the single bed that stretched across the room and took up nearly half the available space. "Tiny human! I have had enough of the dork-faceness. How would you like it if I called you a Drixerfot-face, eh? How would you like that?" "I don't care. What's a Drixerfot?" Amy said, smiling again. "You really are funny." "I am not funny! I am here to conquer this puny planet." "You're not even an alien, how are you going to conquer anything?" Amy said. "Arghhhh! I. Am. An. Alien." the alien spluttered. "And I will conquer your planet very easily by impregnating you with my superior DNA. My offspring will flourish and expand and rule and in a thousand years, when I return, your entire race will be replaced by superior Fxplnots!" As Amy unbuttoned her blouse and pulled the tails from inside her skirt, her eyes twinkled from all the fun she was having teasing the alien. She countered with, "oh, I see, we've moved from silly to goofy to down right hilarious. And just exactly how are you going to do all that when you can't even prove you're an alien?" Amy stood to unzip her skirt and drop it to the floor, leaving only her pink my-little-pony panties and her large blue glasses. She felt a brief flush of embarrassment. "Tiny human, tiny human, I should have exploded your head hours ago. Surely some other tiny human would not be such a pain in the bxlrk!" Most of the alien's clothes/space suit were now strewn about the tiny room. But he was having great difficulty removing his pants as he didn't seem to be able to manage the zipper. He flailed about wildly and Amy couldn't stifle a loud laugh at his antics. Finally Amy took pity on the alien and knelt down next to him. "Lay down flat, dork-breath, or the zipper won't work. There, see. You really are stupid, aren't you?" "Ooh, again with the dork-insults. You must stop that at once you tiny human Drixerfot-face." Unable to stand in the tiny room, the alien struggled to remove his unzipped and rather too tight pants. Amy continued to laugh at his expense as she lay on the smooth sheets of the bed. She laughed even harder when his boxer shorts turned out to have pictures of Garfield. My little pony no longer seemed so bad and she stripped off her panties and threw them at the alien's face with a giggle. "Oh, tiny human, on my world the throwing of undergarments is a capital offense. You would surely have your head exploded for such inconsiderate insolence!" As he railed, the alien managed to remove his boxers and then he was looming over the tiny human on the small bed, kneeling between her open and welcoming legs. "Um, uh, I'm not exactly an expert, Mister Garfield-shorts, but, uhm, I'm pretty sure you're only supposed to have one of those." Amy pointed quizzically between the alien's legs. "And, uh, I've never seen one, but I think maybe they're not supposed to be red and blue - you know, just regular skin color." "No, no, this is quite correct, tiny human. I have researched this carefully. The copulation fixtures are common across the galaxy. One long erect probe for each depository orifice. I have not yet captured one of your male types, but the female clearly has two depository orifices, so logically the male must have two erect probes. It is obvious." The alien delivered this completely erroneous lecture with great pride and seriousness. "And it follows surely that the erect probes must have distinguishing colors lest they accidentally be placed in the wrong orifices, a most most disgusting and deviant idea." "Oh my god, you really are an alien!" Amy said with real shock on her beautiful face. She suddenly looked around in panic and screamed. "Where am I? What's going on? Oh, god, mommy! Help! Help! The gold rings in the alien's eyes flashed once more and Amy's screams instantly subsided. She wrapped her skinny arms around the alien's torso and arched her back to meet him as he lowered himself into place. "Yes, tiny human, now that we are finally here I am glad that I did not explode your head the many times I wanted to. You are a fine specimen and will make a suitable incubator for my children." The alien settled his bulk onto the tiny human child. "And perhaps you will make the lovely laughing sound for them." Amy gasped as the foot-long red cock came in contact with her anus. It seemed to probe at her on its own, more like a snake than a cock. She gasped again when the blue cock began probing at her tiny immature cunt. Both cocks were warm and slightly sticky, coated with some kind of fluid. "Ooh, ooh," she cried out. "Oh god!" The probing, helped along by the alien's mind controling telepathy, quickly sent poor little Amy into paroxysms of unexpected feelings. She moaned and writhed under the alien's bulk. "Aaaaagghh!!" Amy screamed as the two thick cocks entered her simultaneously. Her maidenhood was ripped away and she continued to scream in terror and ecstasy equally. The two cocks thrust in tandem, drilling deeper and deeper, filling her far more than humanly possible. And then the eggs began to swarm through the long cocks, alternating between her vice tight pussy and her tiny anus. Each egg struggled past her opening and sent another stab of pain and pleasure through her body. Hundreds of the eggs were deposited through each orifice and she felt much of her insides being sucked out to make room for them. Amy's body shook violently throughout the entire orgasmic experience until finally, mercifully, she passed out. "Tiny human, tiny human, wake up now," the alien said several hours later as he prodded Amy with his finger. "My name is Amy, dork-breath," Amy whispered, opening one eye to scowl at the alien. "Ooh, you are so due for a head explosion," the alien replied. "It is time to go, back to your home. I must fly my itty-bitty pink space shuttle, with the turrets, back to my disguised space ship orbiting the disguised moon. There is no disguised planet." Amy's eyes snapped open to look at the alien. He was grinning wildly. She grinned back at him. Somehow she knew she had hundreds and hundreds of his eggs inside of her, but that seemed fine. The gold rings around his irises were so very pretty. And he'd learned to be sarcastic! "I really must leave now, Amy," the alien said seriously. "You will take excellent care of my babies and you will laugh for them. Two babies will be born every two months, one boy and one girl. You must nurse them and take care of them but they will grow quickly and go out on their own before the next babies are born. Don't worry! You will enjoy giving birth to the babies - it will be your favorite time - with great orgasms of pleasure and excitement." "But there are so many, how long will it take?" Amy asked. "It will take seventy five years, tiny human. And as long as you hold my babies you will not age." "I have to be an eight-year-old for seventy five years! You really are a dork-face!" Amy yelled. "Don't worry Amy, I have decided I will return in seventy five years. Then we can make more of my babies. Or maybe I will explode your head - I haven't decided yet." "You are such a dork-face!" And then Amy kissed the alien good bye.