NEVER GO BACK

by

Alex Birch

She was navigating the centre aisle of the superstore, her trolley trundling
between the frozen vegetables and the breakfast cereals when she spied him
staring at the tinned meat and fish.  He turned as her face paled, his
surprised eyes making contact as she tried to feign a lack of recognition.
He grinned and turned away just as she grabbed hold of the trolley, suddenly
so faint she nearly fell, but Tony caught her arm just in time.

'Strewth, what's the matter, love...?' he whispered as he held on to her
tightly '...are you all right?'
She nodded quickly, conscious of the unsteadiness in her legs.
'I..I..yes, yes I'm fine now.  It must be the heat in here.' she said
quickly ' Come on, lets get the bread and coffee and then get some fresh
air!'

She looked down at her two youngsters who were hanging onto her skirt, their
little eyes wide with concern.
'Mommy's fine ...' she said softly '...it's just a bit hot in here.  Lets go
and we'll walk back through the park.'
He knew she'd seen him and it was no surprise when she felt a tug on her
sleeve at the check out.  She closed her eyes in embarrassment, conscious of
the heat in her face for she knew without turning round who it would be.

'Good Lord ...!' the rich dark voice hadn't changed a bit and still sent her
stomach into a glorious orbit ' ...it's Karen Weaver, isn't it!  Heavens, it
must be ...'
'...Tw..twelve years ...' Karen stammered, hoping desperately she wouldn't
pass out '...it..it's almost exactly twelve years.  I..I'm married now ...,'
she pointed nervously toward the two tots clinging around her knees '
..b.bit of a handful as you can see.  Oh this is my husband, Tony.  I'm
Karen Moore now.  Tony, this is Mr....oh how silly...this is Graham.  Graham
Pearson.'

'Pleased to meet you, Graham ...' Tony said politely but with an edge that
women always recognise as the stag defending its property, unsure of the
newcomer ' ...you two are obviously old friends!'
'Ah, well sort of ...' said the man with the sun-tanned face and the grey
blue eyes that seemed to melt Karen with every glance '...but in fact I'm
just her first boss.  I suppose that's why she remembered me after all this
time.  I'm very flattered!'

'Perhaps Karen should be flattered ...' Tony said quietly '...you obviously
remembered her too!  She must have left quite an impression!'

'I think we left quite an impression on each other !' Graham said with a
grin, his eyes never once leaving the face of the young woman now burning up
with embarrassment.

Hardly daring to speak, Karen gulped as she stared back at the handsome
features, the hair now greying slightly, the eyes slightly more lined, yet
that look ..Christ that look!

'How..how is your wife, Graham?  Carol, if I remember correctly?' she asked
hurriedly.
He fixed her with an unwavering stare.

'Who knows?  She's long gone, I'm afraid.  Perhaps I wasn't born to be the
marrying kind, Karen.  Far too wilful, I'm afraid.  Maybe I expect too much
from my women.  What do you think?' and he grinned broadly, his face never
leaving hers as Karen closed her eyes in a vain attempt to shut out the
image of that face she'd fallen in love with at first sight when he
interviewed her for the job.  She could never have predicted the
humiliations that would soon follow, her mind going back to that evening
after work, just over 12 years before when she was eighteen, fresh out of
school and desperately in love with her first boss,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,.



,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,She stood in his office, shuffling from foot to foot as
he drew the curtains to blot out the darkening sky, the action increasing
her tension and sense of vulnerability.  Everyone else had gone home half an
hour before and she'd put up with some good natured banter about playing up
to her lover boy and working overtime.  Little did they know she'd been
summoned by telephone to his office at 6 p.m. and there had been no room for
argument.

When the call had come, he'd been gruff and distant and she'd said 'OK, Mr
Pearson, but why so late, I'm going out tonight to...' but the sentence was
never finished.

'Don't argue with me ...' he'd said angrily ' ...you better turn up on time,
young lady, that's all!' and he'd slammed the phone down.  The afternoon had
dragged and Karen had sat at her desk with a growing chill in her stomach,
tears not far away.  She had a good idea exactly why she'd been summoned.
Oh God, such a little fool!

Now here she stood, waiting, her head bowed and the tears so close.  She
raised her eyes slightly and saw him sitting at his desk eyeing her up and
down, taking in the slim shapely figure in the pale blue dress which
finished at mid thigh.  Her legs were her crowning glory and she could feel
his eyes boring into her thighs as she swayed gently on her high heels.

He spoke softly, no longer enraged, but his tone sad and paternal.
'How long did you think you could hide it before someone found out, Karen?
Don't insult my intelligence by a denial, I've checked the cash book and
your entries in it.  I've also checked the cash box and it doesn't tie up
..by fifty pounds ...and you've done it before haven't you?'

Her fragile control deserted her now and she cried like a baby.
'I've been so stupid but I'm not a thief, Mr Pearson, I'm not, I swear I'm
not, I..I always paid it back!'

He sighed deeply and stood up behind the desk.
'I know you're not ...' he said quietly '...because you always put back what
you'd borrowed well in time ...until now!  You're too damned amateurish to
be a thief!  The scribbles in here wouldn't fool anyone.  You're just lucky
it was me who audited the books and not the Company Secretary himself.  I've
put the money back myself, Karen, and you can consider it paid, so there
will be no question of legal proceedings.  I'm not going to strain your
finances further with having to repay me, either.  If you were short of
money why the hell didn't you say so instead of borrowing from petty cash.
I trusted you and you've let me down!'

She stared at him, her face a blend of relief and misery, then burst into
grateful tears.
'Oh, Mr Pearson, I'm so sorry.  You're so nice ...' she stopped, flustered
'...oh I've been so stupid.  Please don't sack me, please.  I'll do anything
you ask.  Please!  I've learned my lesson.  I'll never do it again!''
There was no immediate reply and all she could see were those angry
compelling eyes as she cowered under his glare.  She'd meant every word.
Whatever he asked of her she would do, of that she was certain!

His face was grim, unrelenting.
'No, I'm not going to sack you because you're not a thief but you are a
bloody little fool who is going to learn her lesson!  Right now!'

She had no idea what he meant and she didn't even care.  Her job was safe,
her mum would never know and she was free from debt.  Whatever he did she
was so grateful!   She stared at her benefactor and boss with a love that
only a teenage girl can feel for a man of authority, twelve years older than
herself.  She was completely besotted and under his spell.

'Take off your dress!'

It was an imperative that brooked no argument, though her mouth dropped open
in surprise.  Mechanically she reached behind for the zipper and pulled it
down, wriggling the dress off her shoulders and letting it fall to her feet,
standing before him in white bra and panties, suspender belt and nylons.
She was aware of the heaving of her breasts, and was suddenly embarrassed by
their size, the soft flesh almost bursting out of the half cup bra.  She was
conscious suddenly of how ridiculous it felt to be standing here in her
underwear, still unsure of what was to follow and her heart beat rapidly
with fear and excitement.  Only dimly did she register that he had removed
his trouser belt and now stood with the belt doubled over, the buckle end in
his palm.  She made to speak but a movement of his hand silenced her as her
eyes fixed on the thick leather belt in his hand.  Suddenly she understood
and her mind began to spin.  She'd never been punished like this, never!  He
couldn't..it wasn't allowed! ..She ..!

'Get your panties off!'
At last she awoke to her situation, her face a bright crimson.
'Mr.Pearson, I beg you..please no!  Please, you can't ..You..'
'GET YOUR PANTIES OFF!!'

She sobbed softly and turned her back in shame, her nervous hands fluttering
at her   waist for a few seconds in agonised indecision before she pulled
her panties down and stepped out of them.  There was no going back now and
she turned bravely to face him, her hands modestly covering her abundantly
thatched pubic bush.  He stared at her for a few seconds, a confident grin
on his face as she blushed deeply under his scrutiny, her hands still
protectively clasped between her legs.

'Turn around!' he ordered and she did so gratefully, again exposing her
shapely naked bottom to his gaze.
'Bend down with your feet apart and grasp your ankles!'
She gasped in horror and the tears welled up once more.
'Please no!  Not..not like that, I beg you..please!' she wailed in despair.
'Bend down, I said!  Now do as you're told!'

Shaking with humiliation she bent down, her legs slightly apart, and grasped
her ankles, weeping with the knowledge that she was now displayed in the
most obscene position a naked woman can adopt.  She felt cold air from an
open window on her prominently displayed pussy and in between the widely
gaping bottom cheeks.  Closing her eyes once more to try and forget the
shame of her exposure she heard him gasp with delight at what lay before his
eyes.

She tensed and waited then .. thwaaack!  The force of the thick leather
across the centre of her bare buttocks nearly knocked her over.  There was
no pain at first, just a dull sensation, then the fierce, angry burning
began to torment her bottom.

'Ooooooohhhh!' she wailed, then thwaaack! the belt came in again, lower this
time, the flat of the strap stinging the lower buttocks and the prominent
flesh of her vulva.  She nearly shot bolt upright, but an angry shout told
her to hold her position.  She began to cry again, for the humiliation now
was total.  The stinging of her vulva had set up a frantic tingling inside
the lips and she sensed the moisture deep inside beginning to soak every
membrane of her pussy.  God she was getting wet, so wet ...and it must be
obvious to her tormentor.

She heard him laugh as the agonising strapping continued unabated until
she'd received ten meaty strokes and her bottom felt like a red hot grill.
She'd held her position until she felt his arms around her waist and then
something else warm against her bottom.. something she'd never,,,,,,,,,,,,

'Oh no ...!' she wailed '...no..please, I'm a virgin ...I'

'Then we can't allow that to continue can we ...' the dark brown voice was
irresistible ' ...for after the pain comes the pleasure, my love!' and she
was helpless to stop him, helpless to prevent the thick, warm, wonderful
penis entering her tight sheath, easing , pushing, hurting before that
marvellous climax, compelling an endless squeal of pleasure as Karen was
introduced to the first fucking of her young life,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,



,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,.'Sweetheart, you look awful!  Do you want to
sit down for a minute?'
Tony's worry was apparent as he held her tightly around the waist.  They
were outside the store now and Karen was breathing gasps of fresh air as she
fought to control herself.  Graham Pearson had gone with a smile and a
handshake, leaving his business card should they both ever be in the area.
She'd smiled politely and stood up to the ordeal well but now she was
shocked and shaking.

She kissed both the children reassuringly and squeezed her husband's hand.
'No, I'm OK, honestly.  Lets get to the park and then I can sit down while
the kids let off steam.' she replied unsteadily 'I'm sure it must be the
heat in there.  I thought I was going to faint.'

'Perhaps its seeing old whatsisface after all these years...'Tony said
lightly '...you seemed OK before.'  He nudged her ribs in jest.  'There
isn't something you haven't told me is there?  He's a handsome sort of
chap...bit old for you though.'

Karen managed a smile.
'Don't be so daft ...' she said quickly '...I've got a handsome man
already!' and she squeezed his hand intimately.  At that point the subject
was dropped and the walk through the park restored her to full vigour once
more.  By the time they got home Karen was her old self and they spent the
evening with neighbours, drinking and playing cards.  She was the life and
soul of the party, lively and vivacious, to Tony's obvious relief.

They returned home at midnight after a few late night cocktails and as soon
as Tony stripped off his clothes and dived into bed Karen, taking a late
bath, could hear the deep sound of snoring.  She clambered into bed and lay
on her side trying to sleep but now that there were no distractions the
image of Graham Pearson refused to go away and her heart began to beat
furiously.

Over the next three months after that first encounter with the strap and the
wonderful events that followed it, he had summoned her to his office twice
more for some alleged misdemeanour after everyone else had gone.  She had
been both fearful and excited, her mind a jumble of confusion as he locked
the door and closed the blinds.  On the first of these occasions, he had put
her across his knee as she protested feebly, lifted her skirt, pulled down
her panties and hand spanked her bottom very hard indeed for nearly fifteen
minutes.  She'd felt the stiffness of his penis against her bare thighs as
her bottom heated up and she was delirious with pleasure by the time he
pushed her across the desk and entered her from the rear once more.  The
second time he'd made her strip naked for 12 strokes of the belt before
laying her down across his desk on her back, her legs around his neck as he
fucked her hard and deeply, grinning as she came lustily and noisily, her
body bathed in sweat.

Karen lay in bed, tossing and turning, thinking of that last Friday when she
'd gone into work to find Graham's desk empty.  She'd thought it was just a
day off until the staff notice came round that he had been transferred back
to London suddenly at his own request because of his wife's illness.  So
that's why he'd never asked her out!.  She should have guessed! Jesus, what
sort of little whore had he taken her for?  The realisation that he'd used
her and hurt her just for his own pleasure was more than she'd been able to
stand and she soon left her employers, unable to face the surroundings which
were linked with so much humiliation.  Yet the memories of her sexual
arousal under the pain of his strap had remained and refused to go away.

Now he was back in her life like a bad penny.  Oh God, why...after all this
time?  Christ, she even had his phone number!  No, she wouldn't, for Gods
sake!  She was thirty years old with a loving family, no longer some stupid
star struck kid with a masochistic streak!  She lay awake for hours until
exhaustion took its toll and she fell into a deep sleep.

For the next few days Karen tried to put the memories of Graham Pearson out
of her mind and she might have succeeded until fate took a hand.  One
evening, Tony returned from work and told her that he was being sent up to
Scotland on a design project for three weeks beginning the following Monday.
They had never been apart for longer than a day or so since their marriage
and the thought of having the kids to cope with on her own and a lonely
house for three weeks sent her into a deep depression.

Monday came and she kissed her husband good-bye at the station then stood
waving with tears in her eyes as the train began to move away from the
platform.  Forlorn and miserable she got a taxi home and on arrival got out
her purse to pay the driver.  A business card fell out of the purse and into
her lap.  She stared at the name and telephone number before angrily
snatching it up and putting it back.  No!  To hell with the man!  She
wouldn't contact him ..she wouldn't!

Tuesday and Wednesday came and went as Karen went about her routine
housework and shopping, taking the kids to nursery school then collecting
them again at night.  She felt empty, unfulfilled and a gnawing dread filled
her heart as she sat alone in the living room at night with the kids safely
tucked up in bed, then took the business card out of her purse.  With
shaking hands she picked up the telephone and began to dial, half hoping
there would be no answer, but then she gulped as the receiver was picked up
and the dark brown tones answered.

Tortured with guilt, Karen took a deep breath and said, with as much
diffidence as she could muster,
'Hello Graham, I..I just took up your offer of a chat about old times.
It..it was such a surprise to..to see you.  So nice.'

Was there a mild chuckle of amusement at the other end?  She blushed
furiously.
'Wasn't it just!  Well, well I never thought you'd ring ...' he said softly
'...this IS a pleasant surprise.  Even better than bumping into you.  After
all, this is voluntary.'

'Yes, well Tony's away on business and I was at a bit of a loose end so ...'
she paused and wished the ground would open up.  Oh God she was throwing
herself.  Why had she said that?  '...I..I thought I'd catch up on old times
and I..'

'Ah your husband's away, is he ...' came the soft reply ' ...that must be
boring for you with the kids on your own.  Look, why don't I come round and
we'll ...'

No ..!' she almost shrieked '...I mean, well, you know it wouldn't look
right.  The neighbours and everything!'
He laughed.  'Quite the old fashioned girl aren't you!  Well, why don't you
come to my place, say tomorrow night?  Can you get a baby-sitter?  We'll
have lots to talk about.  It'll be wonderful after all these years.'

She felt her face ablaze as she stammered down the phone.
'O..OK, thank you, but of course I can't stay long.  Just an hour or so.
S..say eight o'clock!'
'Fine ...' he replied smoothly '...I'll look forward to it. Ciao.' and put
down the phone.
Karen sat down unsteadily, poured herself a drink and began to ponder aloud.
'Oh God, what am I doing?  Am I completely crazy?  What hold has this man
got over me?'

The following night at 8 p.m., after a day of anguished deliberations, Karen
Moore climbed the steps of the fashionable Edwardian town house where Graham
Pearson had made his home.  She was shaking with nerves as she rang the
bell, swallowing hard and adjusting the belt of her light brown raincoat.
It seemed to be forever before she heard footsteps and then he was there on
the step, those steely blue eyes staring at her with delight, a broad grin
on his face.

'Karen!  This is a great pleasure ...' he beamed ' ...come in, come in.  Let
me take your coat.'  She slipped it off and handed it to him, blushing again
as he appraised her.  She'd chosen a figure hugging beige dress which
buttoned down the front, emphasising the curves of her breasts and buttocks.
There was no doubt he was impressed and she smiled sweetly.

He ushered her forwards and her eyes took in the tasteful decor of the house
as she walked through the hall to the spacious living room.  Still nervous
she sat down on the settee and crossed her shapely legs as he sat down
opposite and began to talk.  After half an hour, Karen was feeling happy and
relaxed as she sipped her cognac, telling him all about her family and life
since they'd last met.  Suddenly, without warning, Graham got to his feet
and walked over to her, his face set in an expression she had seen many
times before.  That look she could never resist was in his eyes and she
heard herself gasp as she clutched the arm of the settee in fright.

'Now we've dispensed with the courtesies, sweetheart, why don't we discuss
what you really came for!'
She felt herself blushing deeply, her mouth agape like a goldfish.
'I..I don't know wh..what you mean ...' she stuttered '...I came to chat
about old times and...'
His strong arms hauled her upright.

'Sure you did ...,' he whispered in her ear '...you came because all these
years you've longed for some of the boss's discipline, haven't you darling!
Hubby looked such a nice chap!  'New' man is he?.  Tries to understand you,
does he?  Never tells you what to do, Karen?  Never takes a strap to your
pretty arse?'
Karen tried to free herself.

'No, Graham, no...you've got it all wrong, you ...oh no, please...NOOO!' but
she froze as his hands went to the buttons at the front of her dress.  She
was powerless to prevent him, as she'd always been, and gently he pulled the
buttons loose and wrenched her dress down to her waist.  She stood
motionless as he eased the dress off her body and down around her ankles.
Karen felt the tears of helpless shame once more as she stood in her bra and
panties in front of him.

'Deja vu, darling ...' he said softly and smiled '...do you remember the
first time you stood like this?  I made you do it all yourself.  Do it
..bra and panties off ...now!'
He began to laugh as she gasped in embarrassment.
'Graham, no please.  I love my husband' she whimpered as he grinned.

'Shut up, Karen.  Just do as you're told!' he murmured and with head bowed
she reached behind and unfastened her bra, letting it fall to the floor, her
large breasts falling free, her nipples already swollen with desire.  Biting
her lip, she pulled her panties down and stepped out of them.  She didn't
attempt to turn away but stood still for his inspection as he murmured his
approval.

'You've put on a little weight, darling, but all the better for it.  God,
what a beautiful arse!' he said as he swung her round suddenly to inspect
her bottom then pushed her toward a high chair in the centre of the room.

'Pain before pleasure, my darling, remember pain before pleasure.'  he
chuckled and Karen gasped as she was upended over the chair until her head
was nearly touching the carpet and her bare bottom was uppermost.  She heard
him walk to the corner of the room and return flexing something which
swished ominously through the air.

''You've never had a caning before have you Karen!  Well my strap was
nothing!  Now you're going to find out what a real bottom warming feels
like!'

Before she could protest, Karen heard the swish through the air and a sound
like a shot as the cane struck the plumb centre of her bare buttocks.  She
squealed in agony as the red hot bar burned into her bottom then schwitttt!
the cane whipped in again, a little lower down.  After two more Karen was
shrieking with pain and kicking her legs wildly in the air but he hadn't
finished.  Two more strokes whipped across her bottom and now it was red hot
but he was walking round to her rear.  She heard him walk to the door behind
her and chuckle.  Now he'll make love to me, she thought, just like the old
days.  Despite herself, those old feelings were welling up, taking her over
and she began to tremble.  Oh Jesus, she had never needed it so much!

'Well that was bloody entertaining, Graham ...' the voice she heard was new,
high, excited and Karen lay still, paralysed with shock  '...you said she
was a randy tart.  Bloody hell, her arse looks like a furnace.  God, I can't
wait to put the stick across that!  I'll make her bloody dance!  Thanks,
mate!'

'Graham ...!' she shrieked '...oh my God, what are you doing?  Who is this?'

'Oh yes, sorry Karen, I didn't introduce you to my business partner, did
I...'  the dark brown tones had taken on a new brittle edge '...well this is
Colin Anderson, to whom I owe a lot of favours so I'm repaying one tonight.
He's always wanted to cane a pretty young woman's arse so I've invited him
round to whip yours.  He's going to give you a dozen.  You just can't get
enough, can you!'

As Karen lay there in shock and humiliation, it all became crystal clear to
her.  He'd never cared for her right from the start, he'd just spotted a
vulnerable victim and she'd fallen for it completely.  She'd submitted out
of love and he'd taken advantage of her.  He had nothing but contempt in his
voice now and Karen began to sob with self pity.  She felt emotionally numb
and unable to move but she howled when the promised dozen cane strokes scorc
hed her naked bottom afresh. She bit her lip and took every one until the
caning stopped and she felt a stranger's hands begin to part her bottom
cheeks.

'NOOOO!' she screamed, rolling off the chair onto the floor and grabbing her
dress protectively to her body.
'You bastards ...!' she shouted as the men laughed in unison '...you've had
your fun and now I'm going home.  If you touch me again, I'll report you to
the police, no matter what it costs me!  Don't try to blackmail me, Graham,
because I'll tell my husband everything if that's what it takes ... but
don't you dare touch me again!'
She shrieked with fright as they approached her but Graham merely tossed her
clothes to her and thumbed towards the door.

'Brave words my love ...' he said with a sneer ' ... but you've too much to
lose!  Now go back to your loving husband ...but you'll be back because now
I've sampled the goods again, I want lots more...and you dare not refuse me,
Karen, you know what a wagging tongue can do!  Colin and I are off to the
Isle of Man on business but I'll ring you to arrange another little spanking
session when we return ...and I don't think you'll tell your husband, do
you?'

She dressed hurriedly in front of them and staggered out of the door, crying
piteously.  Oh God, what a lesson to learn for a second time.  He'd let her
down once and now this!  He'd used her so painfully with that other man
standing there watching and then caning her bare bottom so hard...and they'd
promised her more!  She ran up the road until she saw a taxi cab and dived
in gratefully rolling over onto her side on the back seat.

The next few days were the worst of Karen Moore's life.  It had all been
bluff as Graham Pearson knew all too well.  She was in his clutches to do
with as he liked for she wouldn't dare tell Tony, she couldn't bear the
shame of all that coming out.  She paced around the house her eyes red with
tears, more than once contemplating an overdose of sleeping pills.  Then,
three days after the nightmare, the evening paper fluttered through her
letter box and she settled down to glance at the headlines and stopped, her
body shaking with disbelief as she studied a paragraph at the bottom of page
1.

"A light aircraft returning to London from the Isle of Man crashed into the
Irish Sea today killing both the occupants.  The deceased were named as Mr
Graham Pearson, aged 42 and Mr Colin Anderson aged 35.  Next of kin have
been informed'.

Karen's legs gave way and she sank to the carpet in shock, her mind a
whirling conflict of grateful survival and intense grief for a fond memory
of years before.  Pulling herself together she picked up the telephone with
shaking hands and rang a Glasgow number.  Tony's voice was full of concern
and she closed her eyes and gave silent thanks for the love of her family.

'I'm fine, love ...,' she said softly '...I just called to say how much I
love you and miss you.  God, I never knew how much you meant to me until
today.  Hurry home.' then she replaced the receiver and wept like a child.