NEVER GO BACK by Alex Birch She was navigating the centre aisle of the superstore, her trolley trundling between the frozen vegetables and the breakfast cereals when she spied him staring at the tinned meat and fish. He turned as her face paled, his surprised eyes making contact as she tried to feign a lack of recognition. He grinned and turned away just as she grabbed hold of the trolley, suddenly so faint she nearly fell, but Tony caught her arm just in time. 'Strewth, what's the matter, love...?' he whispered as he held on to her tightly '...are you all right?' She nodded quickly, conscious of the unsteadiness in her legs. 'I..I..yes, yes I'm fine now. It must be the heat in here.' she said quickly ' Come on, lets get the bread and coffee and then get some fresh air!' She looked down at her two youngsters who were hanging onto her skirt, their little eyes wide with concern. 'Mommy's fine ...' she said softly '...it's just a bit hot in here. Lets go and we'll walk back through the park.' He knew she'd seen him and it was no surprise when she felt a tug on her sleeve at the check out. She closed her eyes in embarrassment, conscious of the heat in her face for she knew without turning round who it would be. 'Good Lord ...!' the rich dark voice hadn't changed a bit and still sent her stomach into a glorious orbit ' ...it's Karen Weaver, isn't it! Heavens, it must be ...' '...Tw..twelve years ...' Karen stammered, hoping desperately she wouldn't pass out '...it..it's almost exactly twelve years. I..I'm married now ...,' she pointed nervously toward the two tots clinging around her knees ' ..b.bit of a handful as you can see. Oh this is my husband, Tony. I'm Karen Moore now. Tony, this is Mr....oh how silly...this is Graham. Graham Pearson.' 'Pleased to meet you, Graham ...' Tony said politely but with an edge that women always recognise as the stag defending its property, unsure of the newcomer ' ...you two are obviously old friends!' 'Ah, well sort of ...' said the man with the sun-tanned face and the grey blue eyes that seemed to melt Karen with every glance '...but in fact I'm just her first boss. I suppose that's why she remembered me after all this time. I'm very flattered!' 'Perhaps Karen should be flattered ...' Tony said quietly '...you obviously remembered her too! She must have left quite an impression!' 'I think we left quite an impression on each other !' Graham said with a grin, his eyes never once leaving the face of the young woman now burning up with embarrassment. Hardly daring to speak, Karen gulped as she stared back at the handsome features, the hair now greying slightly, the eyes slightly more lined, yet that look ..Christ that look! 'How..how is your wife, Graham? Carol, if I remember correctly?' she asked hurriedly. He fixed her with an unwavering stare. 'Who knows? She's long gone, I'm afraid. Perhaps I wasn't born to be the marrying kind, Karen. Far too wilful, I'm afraid. Maybe I expect too much from my women. What do you think?' and he grinned broadly, his face never leaving hers as Karen closed her eyes in a vain attempt to shut out the image of that face she'd fallen in love with at first sight when he interviewed her for the job. She could never have predicted the humiliations that would soon follow, her mind going back to that evening after work, just over 12 years before when she was eighteen, fresh out of school and desperately in love with her first boss,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,She stood in his office, shuffling from foot to foot as he drew the curtains to blot out the darkening sky, the action increasing her tension and sense of vulnerability. Everyone else had gone home half an hour before and she'd put up with some good natured banter about playing up to her lover boy and working overtime. Little did they know she'd been summoned by telephone to his office at 6 p.m. and there had been no room for argument. When the call had come, he'd been gruff and distant and she'd said 'OK, Mr Pearson, but why so late, I'm going out tonight to...' but the sentence was never finished. 'Don't argue with me ...' he'd said angrily ' ...you better turn up on time, young lady, that's all!' and he'd slammed the phone down. The afternoon had dragged and Karen had sat at her desk with a growing chill in her stomach, tears not far away. She had a good idea exactly why she'd been summoned. Oh God, such a little fool! Now here she stood, waiting, her head bowed and the tears so close. She raised her eyes slightly and saw him sitting at his desk eyeing her up and down, taking in the slim shapely figure in the pale blue dress which finished at mid thigh. Her legs were her crowning glory and she could feel his eyes boring into her thighs as she swayed gently on her high heels. He spoke softly, no longer enraged, but his tone sad and paternal. 'How long did you think you could hide it before someone found out, Karen? Don't insult my intelligence by a denial, I've checked the cash book and your entries in it. I've also checked the cash box and it doesn't tie up ..by fifty pounds ...and you've done it before haven't you?' Her fragile control deserted her now and she cried like a baby. 'I've been so stupid but I'm not a thief, Mr Pearson, I'm not, I swear I'm not, I..I always paid it back!' He sighed deeply and stood up behind the desk. 'I know you're not ...' he said quietly '...because you always put back what you'd borrowed well in time ...until now! You're too damned amateurish to be a thief! The scribbles in here wouldn't fool anyone. You're just lucky it was me who audited the books and not the Company Secretary himself. I've put the money back myself, Karen, and you can consider it paid, so there will be no question of legal proceedings. I'm not going to strain your finances further with having to repay me, either. If you were short of money why the hell didn't you say so instead of borrowing from petty cash. I trusted you and you've let me down!' She stared at him, her face a blend of relief and misery, then burst into grateful tears. 'Oh, Mr Pearson, I'm so sorry. You're so nice ...' she stopped, flustered '...oh I've been so stupid. Please don't sack me, please. I'll do anything you ask. Please! I've learned my lesson. I'll never do it again!'' There was no immediate reply and all she could see were those angry compelling eyes as she cowered under his glare. She'd meant every word. Whatever he asked of her she would do, of that she was certain! His face was grim, unrelenting. 'No, I'm not going to sack you because you're not a thief but you are a bloody little fool who is going to learn her lesson! Right now!' She had no idea what he meant and she didn't even care. Her job was safe, her mum would never know and she was free from debt. Whatever he did she was so grateful! She stared at her benefactor and boss with a love that only a teenage girl can feel for a man of authority, twelve years older than herself. She was completely besotted and under his spell. 'Take off your dress!' It was an imperative that brooked no argument, though her mouth dropped open in surprise. Mechanically she reached behind for the zipper and pulled it down, wriggling the dress off her shoulders and letting it fall to her feet, standing before him in white bra and panties, suspender belt and nylons. She was aware of the heaving of her breasts, and was suddenly embarrassed by their size, the soft flesh almost bursting out of the half cup bra. She was conscious suddenly of how ridiculous it felt to be standing here in her underwear, still unsure of what was to follow and her heart beat rapidly with fear and excitement. Only dimly did she register that he had removed his trouser belt and now stood with the belt doubled over, the buckle end in his palm. She made to speak but a movement of his hand silenced her as her eyes fixed on the thick leather belt in his hand. Suddenly she understood and her mind began to spin. She'd never been punished like this, never! He couldn't..it wasn't allowed! ..She ..! 'Get your panties off!' At last she awoke to her situation, her face a bright crimson. 'Mr.Pearson, I beg you..please no! Please, you can't ..You..' 'GET YOUR PANTIES OFF!!' She sobbed softly and turned her back in shame, her nervous hands fluttering at her waist for a few seconds in agonised indecision before she pulled her panties down and stepped out of them. There was no going back now and she turned bravely to face him, her hands modestly covering her abundantly thatched pubic bush. He stared at her for a few seconds, a confident grin on his face as she blushed deeply under his scrutiny, her hands still protectively clasped between her legs. 'Turn around!' he ordered and she did so gratefully, again exposing her shapely naked bottom to his gaze. 'Bend down with your feet apart and grasp your ankles!' She gasped in horror and the tears welled up once more. 'Please no! Not..not like that, I beg you..please!' she wailed in despair. 'Bend down, I said! Now do as you're told!' Shaking with humiliation she bent down, her legs slightly apart, and grasped her ankles, weeping with the knowledge that she was now displayed in the most obscene position a naked woman can adopt. She felt cold air from an open window on her prominently displayed pussy and in between the widely gaping bottom cheeks. Closing her eyes once more to try and forget the shame of her exposure she heard him gasp with delight at what lay before his eyes. She tensed and waited then .. thwaaack! The force of the thick leather across the centre of her bare buttocks nearly knocked her over. There was no pain at first, just a dull sensation, then the fierce, angry burning began to torment her bottom. 'Ooooooohhhh!' she wailed, then thwaaack! the belt came in again, lower this time, the flat of the strap stinging the lower buttocks and the prominent flesh of her vulva. She nearly shot bolt upright, but an angry shout told her to hold her position. She began to cry again, for the humiliation now was total. The stinging of her vulva had set up a frantic tingling inside the lips and she sensed the moisture deep inside beginning to soak every membrane of her pussy. God she was getting wet, so wet ...and it must be obvious to her tormentor. She heard him laugh as the agonising strapping continued unabated until she'd received ten meaty strokes and her bottom felt like a red hot grill. She'd held her position until she felt his arms around her waist and then something else warm against her bottom.. something she'd never,,,,,,,,,,,, 'Oh no ...!' she wailed '...no..please, I'm a virgin ...I' 'Then we can't allow that to continue can we ...' the dark brown voice was irresistible ' ...for after the pain comes the pleasure, my love!' and she was helpless to stop him, helpless to prevent the thick, warm, wonderful penis entering her tight sheath, easing , pushing, hurting before that marvellous climax, compelling an endless squeal of pleasure as Karen was introduced to the first fucking of her young life,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,.'Sweetheart, you look awful! Do you want to sit down for a minute?' Tony's worry was apparent as he held her tightly around the waist. They were outside the store now and Karen was breathing gasps of fresh air as she fought to control herself. Graham Pearson had gone with a smile and a handshake, leaving his business card should they both ever be in the area. She'd smiled politely and stood up to the ordeal well but now she was shocked and shaking. She kissed both the children reassuringly and squeezed her husband's hand. 'No, I'm OK, honestly. Lets get to the park and then I can sit down while the kids let off steam.' she replied unsteadily 'I'm sure it must be the heat in there. I thought I was going to faint.' 'Perhaps its seeing old whatsisface after all these years...'Tony said lightly '...you seemed OK before.' He nudged her ribs in jest. 'There isn't something you haven't told me is there? He's a handsome sort of chap...bit old for you though.' Karen managed a smile. 'Don't be so daft ...' she said quickly '...I've got a handsome man already!' and she squeezed his hand intimately. At that point the subject was dropped and the walk through the park restored her to full vigour once more. By the time they got home Karen was her old self and they spent the evening with neighbours, drinking and playing cards. She was the life and soul of the party, lively and vivacious, to Tony's obvious relief. They returned home at midnight after a few late night cocktails and as soon as Tony stripped off his clothes and dived into bed Karen, taking a late bath, could hear the deep sound of snoring. She clambered into bed and lay on her side trying to sleep but now that there were no distractions the image of Graham Pearson refused to go away and her heart began to beat furiously. Over the next three months after that first encounter with the strap and the wonderful events that followed it, he had summoned her to his office twice more for some alleged misdemeanour after everyone else had gone. She had been both fearful and excited, her mind a jumble of confusion as he locked the door and closed the blinds. On the first of these occasions, he had put her across his knee as she protested feebly, lifted her skirt, pulled down her panties and hand spanked her bottom very hard indeed for nearly fifteen minutes. She'd felt the stiffness of his penis against her bare thighs as her bottom heated up and she was delirious with pleasure by the time he pushed her across the desk and entered her from the rear once more. The second time he'd made her strip naked for 12 strokes of the belt before laying her down across his desk on her back, her legs around his neck as he fucked her hard and deeply, grinning as she came lustily and noisily, her body bathed in sweat. Karen lay in bed, tossing and turning, thinking of that last Friday when she 'd gone into work to find Graham's desk empty. She'd thought it was just a day off until the staff notice came round that he had been transferred back to London suddenly at his own request because of his wife's illness. So that's why he'd never asked her out!. She should have guessed! Jesus, what sort of little whore had he taken her for? The realisation that he'd used her and hurt her just for his own pleasure was more than she'd been able to stand and she soon left her employers, unable to face the surroundings which were linked with so much humiliation. Yet the memories of her sexual arousal under the pain of his strap had remained and refused to go away. Now he was back in her life like a bad penny. Oh God, why...after all this time? Christ, she even had his phone number! No, she wouldn't, for Gods sake! She was thirty years old with a loving family, no longer some stupid star struck kid with a masochistic streak! She lay awake for hours until exhaustion took its toll and she fell into a deep sleep. For the next few days Karen tried to put the memories of Graham Pearson out of her mind and she might have succeeded until fate took a hand. One evening, Tony returned from work and told her that he was being sent up to Scotland on a design project for three weeks beginning the following Monday. They had never been apart for longer than a day or so since their marriage and the thought of having the kids to cope with on her own and a lonely house for three weeks sent her into a deep depression. Monday came and she kissed her husband good-bye at the station then stood waving with tears in her eyes as the train began to move away from the platform. Forlorn and miserable she got a taxi home and on arrival got out her purse to pay the driver. A business card fell out of the purse and into her lap. She stared at the name and telephone number before angrily snatching it up and putting it back. No! To hell with the man! She wouldn't contact him ..she wouldn't! Tuesday and Wednesday came and went as Karen went about her routine housework and shopping, taking the kids to nursery school then collecting them again at night. She felt empty, unfulfilled and a gnawing dread filled her heart as she sat alone in the living room at night with the kids safely tucked up in bed, then took the business card out of her purse. With shaking hands she picked up the telephone and began to dial, half hoping there would be no answer, but then she gulped as the receiver was picked up and the dark brown tones answered. Tortured with guilt, Karen took a deep breath and said, with as much diffidence as she could muster, 'Hello Graham, I..I just took up your offer of a chat about old times. It..it was such a surprise to..to see you. So nice.' Was there a mild chuckle of amusement at the other end? She blushed furiously. 'Wasn't it just! Well, well I never thought you'd ring ...' he said softly '...this IS a pleasant surprise. Even better than bumping into you. After all, this is voluntary.' 'Yes, well Tony's away on business and I was at a bit of a loose end so ...' she paused and wished the ground would open up. Oh God she was throwing herself. Why had she said that? '...I..I thought I'd catch up on old times and I..' 'Ah your husband's away, is he ...' came the soft reply ' ...that must be boring for you with the kids on your own. Look, why don't I come round and we'll ...' No ..!' she almost shrieked '...I mean, well, you know it wouldn't look right. The neighbours and everything!' He laughed. 'Quite the old fashioned girl aren't you! Well, why don't you come to my place, say tomorrow night? Can you get a baby-sitter? We'll have lots to talk about. It'll be wonderful after all these years.' She felt her face ablaze as she stammered down the phone. 'O..OK, thank you, but of course I can't stay long. Just an hour or so. S..say eight o'clock!' 'Fine ...' he replied smoothly '...I'll look forward to it. Ciao.' and put down the phone. Karen sat down unsteadily, poured herself a drink and began to ponder aloud. 'Oh God, what am I doing? Am I completely crazy? What hold has this man got over me?' The following night at 8 p.m., after a day of anguished deliberations, Karen Moore climbed the steps of the fashionable Edwardian town house where Graham Pearson had made his home. She was shaking with nerves as she rang the bell, swallowing hard and adjusting the belt of her light brown raincoat. It seemed to be forever before she heard footsteps and then he was there on the step, those steely blue eyes staring at her with delight, a broad grin on his face. 'Karen! This is a great pleasure ...' he beamed ' ...come in, come in. Let me take your coat.' She slipped it off and handed it to him, blushing again as he appraised her. She'd chosen a figure hugging beige dress which buttoned down the front, emphasising the curves of her breasts and buttocks. There was no doubt he was impressed and she smiled sweetly. He ushered her forwards and her eyes took in the tasteful decor of the house as she walked through the hall to the spacious living room. Still nervous she sat down on the settee and crossed her shapely legs as he sat down opposite and began to talk. After half an hour, Karen was feeling happy and relaxed as she sipped her cognac, telling him all about her family and life since they'd last met. Suddenly, without warning, Graham got to his feet and walked over to her, his face set in an expression she had seen many times before. That look she could never resist was in his eyes and she heard herself gasp as she clutched the arm of the settee in fright. 'Now we've dispensed with the courtesies, sweetheart, why don't we discuss what you really came for!' She felt herself blushing deeply, her mouth agape like a goldfish. 'I..I don't know wh..what you mean ...' she stuttered '...I came to chat about old times and...' His strong arms hauled her upright. 'Sure you did ...,' he whispered in her ear '...you came because all these years you've longed for some of the boss's discipline, haven't you darling! Hubby looked such a nice chap! 'New' man is he?. Tries to understand you, does he? Never tells you what to do, Karen? Never takes a strap to your pretty arse?' Karen tried to free herself. 'No, Graham, no...you've got it all wrong, you ...oh no, please...NOOO!' but she froze as his hands went to the buttons at the front of her dress. She was powerless to prevent him, as she'd always been, and gently he pulled the buttons loose and wrenched her dress down to her waist. She stood motionless as he eased the dress off her body and down around her ankles. Karen felt the tears of helpless shame once more as she stood in her bra and panties in front of him. 'Deja vu, darling ...' he said softly and smiled '...do you remember the first time you stood like this? I made you do it all yourself. Do it ..bra and panties off ...now!' He began to laugh as she gasped in embarrassment. 'Graham, no please. I love my husband' she whimpered as he grinned. 'Shut up, Karen. Just do as you're told!' he murmured and with head bowed she reached behind and unfastened her bra, letting it fall to the floor, her large breasts falling free, her nipples already swollen with desire. Biting her lip, she pulled her panties down and stepped out of them. She didn't attempt to turn away but stood still for his inspection as he murmured his approval. 'You've put on a little weight, darling, but all the better for it. God, what a beautiful arse!' he said as he swung her round suddenly to inspect her bottom then pushed her toward a high chair in the centre of the room. 'Pain before pleasure, my darling, remember pain before pleasure.' he chuckled and Karen gasped as she was upended over the chair until her head was nearly touching the carpet and her bare bottom was uppermost. She heard him walk to the corner of the room and return flexing something which swished ominously through the air. ''You've never had a caning before have you Karen! Well my strap was nothing! Now you're going to find out what a real bottom warming feels like!' Before she could protest, Karen heard the swish through the air and a sound like a shot as the cane struck the plumb centre of her bare buttocks. She squealed in agony as the red hot bar burned into her bottom then schwitttt! the cane whipped in again, a little lower down. After two more Karen was shrieking with pain and kicking her legs wildly in the air but he hadn't finished. Two more strokes whipped across her bottom and now it was red hot but he was walking round to her rear. She heard him walk to the door behind her and chuckle. Now he'll make love to me, she thought, just like the old days. Despite herself, those old feelings were welling up, taking her over and she began to tremble. Oh Jesus, she had never needed it so much! 'Well that was bloody entertaining, Graham ...' the voice she heard was new, high, excited and Karen lay still, paralysed with shock '...you said she was a randy tart. Bloody hell, her arse looks like a furnace. God, I can't wait to put the stick across that! I'll make her bloody dance! Thanks, mate!' 'Graham ...!' she shrieked '...oh my God, what are you doing? Who is this?' 'Oh yes, sorry Karen, I didn't introduce you to my business partner, did I...' the dark brown tones had taken on a new brittle edge '...well this is Colin Anderson, to whom I owe a lot of favours so I'm repaying one tonight. He's always wanted to cane a pretty young woman's arse so I've invited him round to whip yours. He's going to give you a dozen. You just can't get enough, can you!' As Karen lay there in shock and humiliation, it all became crystal clear to her. He'd never cared for her right from the start, he'd just spotted a vulnerable victim and she'd fallen for it completely. She'd submitted out of love and he'd taken advantage of her. He had nothing but contempt in his voice now and Karen began to sob with self pity. She felt emotionally numb and unable to move but she howled when the promised dozen cane strokes scorc hed her naked bottom afresh. She bit her lip and took every one until the caning stopped and she felt a stranger's hands begin to part her bottom cheeks. 'NOOOO!' she screamed, rolling off the chair onto the floor and grabbing her dress protectively to her body. 'You bastards ...!' she shouted as the men laughed in unison '...you've had your fun and now I'm going home. If you touch me again, I'll report you to the police, no matter what it costs me! Don't try to blackmail me, Graham, because I'll tell my husband everything if that's what it takes ... but don't you dare touch me again!' She shrieked with fright as they approached her but Graham merely tossed her clothes to her and thumbed towards the door. 'Brave words my love ...' he said with a sneer ' ... but you've too much to lose! Now go back to your loving husband ...but you'll be back because now I've sampled the goods again, I want lots more...and you dare not refuse me, Karen, you know what a wagging tongue can do! Colin and I are off to the Isle of Man on business but I'll ring you to arrange another little spanking session when we return ...and I don't think you'll tell your husband, do you?' She dressed hurriedly in front of them and staggered out of the door, crying piteously. Oh God, what a lesson to learn for a second time. He'd let her down once and now this! He'd used her so painfully with that other man standing there watching and then caning her bare bottom so hard...and they'd promised her more! She ran up the road until she saw a taxi cab and dived in gratefully rolling over onto her side on the back seat. The next few days were the worst of Karen Moore's life. It had all been bluff as Graham Pearson knew all too well. She was in his clutches to do with as he liked for she wouldn't dare tell Tony, she couldn't bear the shame of all that coming out. She paced around the house her eyes red with tears, more than once contemplating an overdose of sleeping pills. Then, three days after the nightmare, the evening paper fluttered through her letter box and she settled down to glance at the headlines and stopped, her body shaking with disbelief as she studied a paragraph at the bottom of page 1. "A light aircraft returning to London from the Isle of Man crashed into the Irish Sea today killing both the occupants. The deceased were named as Mr Graham Pearson, aged 42 and Mr Colin Anderson aged 35. Next of kin have been informed'. Karen's legs gave way and she sank to the carpet in shock, her mind a whirling conflict of grateful survival and intense grief for a fond memory of years before. Pulling herself together she picked up the telephone with shaking hands and rang a Glasgow number. Tony's voice was full of concern and she closed her eyes and gave silent thanks for the love of her family. 'I'm fine, love ...,' she said softly '...I just called to say how much I love you and miss you. God, I never knew how much you meant to me until today. Hurry home.' then she replaced the receiver and wept like a child.