Note: This story was dynamically reformatted for online reading convenience.
 
 Part Four - Ninja

   Someplace distant - not only far away in time and space, but far away in
other directions we don't have names for - somewhere, around this time,
there was a funky map some people were looking at.  I don't have words to
describe this map very well.  It was a map of relationships and fractal
math and probability and "tau axes" and God knows what else.  One of those
images that seems to change scale and shape every time you move your head,
because your 3D eyes can only see one surface of it at a time, and not the
whole thing in entirety.  Anyway, on this map, a little light flared up
like a spark and then died again, and some very weird people got very
excited about it.

   ***

   Alex assured us that she had created some kind of mental or energy
"block", and that a repeat performance of her mind-bending ecstasy was
impossible.  Nevertheless, it was quite a while (by our standards) before
we were comfortable including her again when we had sex.

   Sophie pretended to be unaffected by the experience, though I saw her
gin glass shaking a bit when she talked about it.  "What, am I supposed to
be impressed by tentacles?  You know, one time I was giving Cthulu a
blowjob - well, not really Cthulu, more of a thoughtform, you know, like a
tulpa - "

   "Shut up, Sophie."

   Lisa was quite open about being freaked out, and tried to convince Alex
to leave, unsuccessfully.  I have to admit, though, more than once I
fantasized about Alex wrapping poor submissive Lisa up in those tentacles
and giving her a good going-over, whether she liked it or not...and maybe
filming it for later review.  I held off on demanding such a thing, though,
for fear of traumatizing her unduly.

   Anyway, I was still indulging plenty of my perversions.  The king-sized
bathtub was utilized almost immediately for golden showers and general
bathtub funtime.  We were also starting to get into costumes and other
weird roleplay, and I made use of the fact that Lisa, contrary to
appearances, was more than strong enough to support my weight as I rode her
around the house on all fours, chasing Sophie with a lasso with the two of
them wearing animal ears and buttplug tails.  I don't think Alex ever
figured that one out.

   Meanwhile, I was progressing in other areas as well.  I had to take a
break from some of the martial-arts practice while my shoulder healed, so
Sophie redoubled her efforts to make me into a demon princeling
or...whatever it was I was supposed to be.  I was now able to pronounce
Latin correctly most of the time and had learned some basic grammar and
vocabulary, mostly related to demons and summoning rituals; I was also
starting to learn the Hebrew and Sanskrit alphabets.  My meditation was up
to two hours a day and I could name all the Dukes of Hell.

   For more hands-on training, Sophie declared, it was time for me to start
summoning minions.  The first ritual was designed to call a minor imp to me
and bind him so that I could ask questions about conditions in some region
of the underworld - kind of like an intel mission, basically.  If it
worked.

   I was a bit suspicious of Sophie's motivation when she told me the
ritual should be performed naked, but decided it was best not to take
chances with demons.  It seemed that an imp was pretty minor in Hell, but
still capable of seriously messing with a chump like me.  Still, I was
extra careful with the candles and incense, since my junk was hanging out.

   Alex promised to observe quietly from a corner.  Lisa instead promised
us that nothing would happen, and then left on an errand so she wouldn't
have to watch.  Sophie sat on the couch in her underwear, sipping brandy
out of our only nice glass.  I guess this was her attempt at looking
sophisticated.

   I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, told myself not to be nervous,
ignored myself, opened my eyes, and started chanting.  For a moment there,
it felt like something was happening, something indescribable, some power
welling up within me...but then it was gone, and I wondered it if had just
been a head rush or something.

   I finished the chant.  Nothing happened.  No candles blew out, no dark
energies swirled inside the binding pentagram.

   I hesitated, and then turned my head to look at Sophie, concern on my
face.  She rolled her eyes a bit and pointed at the pentagram with her
chin. "Don't give up so easy, cowboy."

   I looked again.  There was still nothing...wasn't there?  I squinted,
tried to look with the corners of my eyes, looking for anything.  A
shimmer, like a heat wave?  A discoloration?  Was the room a bit darker? 
It was hard to tell by candlelight.

   I remembered my instructions, and said as sternly as possible, "Do not
hide from me!  Show yourself, and play no tricks!"

   Nothing happened.  Or maybe I heard a giggle.  Or maybe that was my own
breath.

   "You little shit," I growled, and tried another weird grasping hand
gesture, along with a quick rhyming spell.

   "Ow!" the imp shouted, popping into plain sight and rubbing his ass. 
"Dick!"

   Alex jumped a little bit.  Sophie was uncharacteristically quiet -
apparently she was taking this test of my studies seriously.  Ish.

   "Okay, fine, you got me," the imp said in a squeaky voice.  "What do you
want?  Is it stealing panties again?  Cause I gotta tell you..."

   "Shut up.  I don't want any panties, I...what do you mean, again?"

   "Mmm, mmm-mmm.  Mmm."

   I sighed.  Sophie'd warned me about this, how he'd try to twist my
commands, obeying them literally while ignoring the obvious intent.  The
whole thing was a game of wits and word play, and nobody was better than an
imp at causing mischief.  "Stop shutting up and answer my question."

   "Mmmpanties, man, they're in right now.  About once a week some
zit-faced kid summons me to steal a pair of used undies from some girl he's
got a crush on..."

   "Seriously?  They turn to the black arts for underwear?  You know, I
hear in Japan they've got these vending machines..."

   "I know, right?  Crazy bastards!" The imp chuckled.  I wondered which of
us was trying to lull the other one into a friendly relationship.  I could
practically hear Sophie smirking, but she still hadn't spoken.

   "Ahem.  Whatever.  I want information.  About the situation in Hell."

   "Shit, really?  That's a pretty weird request from a mortal.  You lookin
to make waves?"

   "Apparently it's too late for that.  I've already started attracting
attention, and I need to know how much.  What can you tell me about
Damastrius?"

   "Damastrius?  Hah!" the imp laughed, swirling his little pointy tail. 
"That fuckin wanker?  Thirteenth scion of Belial?  Shiiiit.  I know all
about him, unfortunately.  Why would he be interested in you?  You got nice
feet or somethin?"

   Eww.  "I don't think so.  He hired a dude to kill me.  Apparently he
thinks I'm his competition for the throne."

   The imp looked incredulous.  "You?  Are you kidding?  What the fuck is
he smoking?"

   "I don't know either.  Just tell me what's going on in his house."

   "Listen, shithead, I'm way more scared of the Footmongler than I am of
you - " the imp started.

   I began to make a gesture with my hand again.  "Okay, okay!  Shit. 
Fine. The word is, he's hired some Torealites, maybe three or four, just
this last week.  If you're on his shit-list, it's a good guess they're
coming here."

   Torealites?  Presumably Sophie knew what the hell that meant.  "Anything
else?"

   "Nothin you'd be interested in, unless you want to hear whose feet he's
lickin right now.  Some chick named Darlene, wandered in from the fourth
circle..."

   "Darlene?" Sophie interrupted, jumping to her feet.  "That fuckin skank!
She's slobbing Damastrius's knob?  I can't believe it!"

   The imp blinked with his comically large eyes.  "Sophia?  Holy shit, is
that you, Soph?"

   "Yeah, it's me.  This is my new charge.  Whaddya think?" She poured
herself another drink.

   "This dork?  You guys know somethin I don't?"

   "Hey!  I'm right here, you know." Demons can be so rude.

   "Shut up," Sophie advised me, and then she told the imp, "He's just come
of age.  One of Nick's kids."

   "No shit?  Coulda fooled me.  He looks like a throwback orangutan, not a
demon prince." The demon chuckled at my glare.  "Damn, the old man really
gets around, don't he?  Say...you wouldn't have any ice around here, would
you?  I'm a bit thirsty..."

   Sophie grinned.  "That depends on what you're willing to do for it,
sweetie..."

   ***

   A bribe or two and some threats later, the imp vanished in a cloud of
obnoxious gasses, having filled us in on various useful bits of knowledge -
hidden among a pile of horseshit and gossip.  It seemed that Damastrius was
not the only guy down there gunning for me right now; we needed to prepare
for the probably immanent arrival of a big, beefy half-bull guy with a
giant hammer named Ongan, who'd been hired by one of my "cousins", as well
as a clan of mortal ninjas who'd sold their souls in order to add demonic
powers to their assassin skills and owed some evil douchebag a favor.

   "Well, this sucks," I said with a sigh as I started picking up candles
and scrubbing chalk circles off the floor.  Sophie didn't agree.

   "You did fine!  I figured the first time you raised an imp, I'd end up
having to put your guts back inside you or something.  I know a guy who
spent about five hundred years as a newt...what was his name?  King
Somebody?  Somebody the Great..."

   "Shut up, Sophie.  I don't think it's a sign of good progress to know
that I've got three different kinds of demons on their way to our house. 
Sorry if I'm not in a good mood."

   "Oh, balls.  That's why I'm here!  Besides, we've done a good job
beefing this place up.  You could take on an army of these losers with this
setup and me at your back.  And the robot might help out."

   "I may also help you," Alexis chimed in from the corner.

   "Yeah, and the space chick may also help you.  Don't get your dick in a
knot!  You're safe as an altarboy when the Priest's on vacation." Sophie
threw back some more booze.  "Ah!  Fuck, this stuff tastes expensive.  We
got anything cheap left?"

   ***

   We set up some extra boobytraps and changed our wards around a bit,
based on the information the imp had given us.  Alex seemed to think the
whole thing was interesting, though not nearly as interesting as sex.  Lisa
remained stubbornly in denial of the supernatural the whole time, and I
occasionally had to order her around to get her to help.  Her attitude
seemed to be annoying Sophie, who was trying to keep up her demon lectures
while we worked.

   "So, the trick with Torealites is, when you kill them, you can't get any
of their blood on you, or it'll eat you up."

   "What, acid for blood?  Like in Aliens?" I asked.

   "No, my blood is not acidic," Alex corrected me.  "It is constructed
from quantum foam - "

   "Yes, thank you, Alex, we know.  I'm talking about a movie."

   "Nah, not like acid," Sophie said, blowing a big bubble with her gum as
she drew another glyph on the wall.  "Their blood is technically a
concentrated mixture of Remorse and Agony..."

   "That is ridiculous," Lisa said, as she screwed a metal hinge into
place. "This is all nonsense.  There is no such thing as Hell."

   "Go fuck yourself," Sophie snapped with a crack of her gum.  "Your
ability to ignore the obvious is..."

   She trailed off and we all watched, curious, as Lisa's head shook back
and forth.

   "I do not...I do not...I...do not wish to fuck myself!" Lisa said, a
look of extreme confusion on her face.  "Oh!" she gasped, and then she
dropped her screwdriver on the carpet and stalked off to our bedroom.

   "What the hell?" I said, but Sophie just shrugged and kept writing.  "I
gotta keep working on this, you go see what her malfunction is this time."

   I walked down the hall, and Alex followed me, ever curious about us
weird lower-lifeforms.  When I got to the bedroom I was greeted with an
unusual sight: Lisa, naked from the waist down, lying on the bed,
masturbating.  Hard.  And crying.

   Her face was red, as she panted, "I do not...I do not...Ugh!"

   "Lisa?  What the heck are you doing?" I asked.  She'd never shown the
slightest interest in having pleasure without me, until now.  "You okay,
honey?"

   "I am...following...orders!  I do not...Ugh!  Wish to fuck myself!" She
arched her back, rubbing and squeezing her pussy furiously.  "Please help
me!"

   "Help you?  How?" I said, trying in vain to pull her hands away from her
crotch.

   "Tell me what to...what to do!" she gasped.  "Unngh..."

   "Stop!" I said loudly, and she instantly collapsed, pulling her hands
away.  "Relax, honey, it's okay..." She was crying louder now, and pulled
her hands to her face.

   "That horrible woman..." she cried.  "I...I...I don't know what to
dooo!"

   I was confused as all hell.  "Come on, honey, Sophie's a pain the butt,
but she's not that horrible...I mean, kind of...anyway, what do you mean,
you don't know what to do?"

   "My...my programming is very complicated," she said with a sniff.  "I
have to obey orders from my superiors, but I cannot evaluate my orders
correctly at this time.  Which...which of us is more important to you?"

   "What?  More important to me?" Was this a programming thing, or a
jealousy thing?

   "I cannot...evaluate my place in our household.  I must obey your
orders. I enjoy obeying your orders..." Yeah, I'd figured that out already.
"But I do not enjoy obeying Sophia.  Is she...my superior?  Do you like her
more than me?"

   Christ.  "No, Lisa, not at all.  I mean, she's hot, and I'm kind of fond
of her, but you're my girl!" I smiled when I said it.  It was true enough,
whether she was a real girl or not.

   Lisa tried to smile, but it was weak.  "But when we have sex...and now,
with these...demons...you keep asking me to follow her instructions.  She
is clearly in a dominant role."

   Well, yeah, because Lisa had no idea what the fuck was going on. 
"I...let her dominate you because she knows what she's doing, honey.  If we
don't listen to her, we're all going to be in big trouble.  And in
sex...well, she's naturally bossy and slutty, and you're submissive and
reluctant, and I love both sides of that.  I'm just encouraging what's
already there." I kicked off my shoes and slid into bed next to Lisa,
wrapping my arms around her.  She continued to sniffle.

   "Are you going to have sex now?" Alex asked, hopefully.

   "No, Alex...actually, could you leave?  We'd like some privacy here..."
I tried.

   "No, thank you," Alex replied with a smile.  "I will continue observing
this mating ritual." At least she had no trouble ignoring orders.

   I sighed and tried to ignore her, turning back to Lisa.  "What do you
want me to do, honey?"

   "It is not enough," she said absently.  Then she turned and looked at me
intensely.  "I need you to tell me, directly.  To clear up my priorities.
Is it really necessary for me to obey Sophia?"

   "About the demon stuff?  Yeah, I think it is."

   "Then you must order me to do so.  Give me a direct command to obey
Sophia as my superior." Lisa said, now calm.

   "But I...she's not your superior, Lisa, you don't have to keep doing
what she wants in bed or whatever, it's just this one thing..."

   "It will not work," she said quietly.  "I refuse to acknowledge the
existence of Hell, and I will not naturally follow her commands.  Tell me
to obey her as my superior, and my conflict will be over.  Otherwise, I
will continue experiencing decision paralysis, which is detrimental to my
operation."

   I stared for a few seconds.  Was there no choice?  I really did like and
trust Lisa far more than Sophie.  Lisa seemed certain though.  "Okay. 
Lisa, I order you to obey Sophia as your superior."

   She closed her eyes, stiffening, and then relaxed again, and kissed me.
"Thank you."

   I had a feeling I was going to regret that.

   ***

   Predictably, the Torealites broke in at just about the damnedest time.

   After a hard day's work I was enjoying some R&R in the living room with
my girls.  We'd invited Alex back into the circle with a promise to behave
herself, and the three of them were giving me a real workover.  Lisa was
licking my nuts.  Sophie was blowing me like only a succubus can blow, and
Alex was behind me, with her tongue in my ass.  As Sophie had already
learned, Alex's tongue was capable of things most tongues aren't, including
growing a bit when she got excited.  As you can imagine, I was pretty much
out of it, stroking hair and mumbling incoherent, retarded porno phrases.

   "Shit, Sophie, I'm gonna cum..." I groaned.  She instantly pulled back
off my dick and looked up at me smolderingly.  Without missing a beat, Lisa
reached up and started jacking me off.

   "Fuck yes, baby, give it to me.  I need it so bad," Sophie whined.

   "Yeah?  You need my come?"

   "I fucking love your come." She leaned in, sticking her tongue out.  The
cool thing was, I knew she meant it.  She was like a junkie begging for a
fix.

   "How bad do you need it, slut?  What will you do for it?"

   "I'll do anything, lover, you know that," she pleaded.  "I need it so
bad!  I'll fucking kill for your come.  I'd murder a girl scout for your
come..."

   "Not sexy, Sophie!" I growled, but her face was, and Lisa's hand was
doing just the right thing, and I exploded like Mount Vesuvius all over
Pompeii.  Lisa was sucking my right testicle so hard it almost hurt as she
jerked me right into Sophie's mouth.

   "Oh gawd arglewhargle glomp slurp it's soo goooood..."

   Sophie was using her fingers to wipe her chin clean and licking them
off, Lisa was convulsing with her own sympathetic orgasm, my pants were
somewhere in another room, and Alexis pulled her tongue out of my ass to
remark, "there is a strange energy fluxation by the front door, are those
the demons you spoke of?"

   So it turned out that Torealites were these kind of humanoidish,
semi-bipedal mutant dog looking things, lots of claws and veins and big
rings piercing their ears and noses and nipples and stuff.  I guess they're
into piercings.  They came out of some kind of red bloody hole in the air,
one of them rearing back and howling with a horrible grating voice, the
other three crouching down to spring at us.  I tried to turn around and
back up at the same time, and succeeded in falling over Alex and onto the
carpet, with my dick leaking saliva and last-minute sperm everywhere.

   "Jesus H.  Christ, they came right through my fucking wards!" Sophie
exclaimed, scrambling to her feet.  They seemed to buy it.  One of the
melty dogmen jumped and tackled Lisa into the recliner before she could
rise, two came for Sophia, and I was still trying to disentangle my legs
from Alex as the tallest one lowered his head and stalked forward, staring
at me in all my naked, hairy glory.

   "Shit shit shit," I said as I rolled backwards and attempted to hide
behind the couch.  A real man probably would have tried to protect Alex,
but I was kind of used to the idea that all three of these women were much
harder to kill than I was.

   Sophie dodged a couple of claw swipes with a big shit-eating grin and
cried, "Is that all you got, bitches?" She seemed to be flickering
slightly, growing taller even?  Her shadow was changing shape.  Somehow I
decided she had horns and a tail, even though I couldn't really say what
they looked like.

   She grabbed one veiny wrist and twisted, audibly cracking bones, and the
creature shrieked.  With a headbutt and a kick to the nuts, she sent the
other one to the floor, and then finished off her first captive by breaking
its neck.

   So far, so good - no destructive demon blood had been spilled.  I began
to feel hope that we might survive the encounter, and maybe even do so
without fucking up the apartment.

   The leader guy drove his paw through Alex's abdomen, shooting grey slime
all over the place, and bit into her shoulder.  She cried out in pain and
began batting ineffectively at his head, apparently either forgetting or
refusing to use her weird temporal powers.  Lisa took care of Alex's
attacker by throwing her own, knocking both of them into the wall.

   I grabbed a broom lamely and stood protectively over Alexis, glancing at
her and then watching warily as the three remaining bad guys rose to their
feet with furious snarls.  "Are you okay, Alex?"

   "I...can repair this damage, only give me a moment..." she gasped, lying
in a puddle of her weird blood.

   "You should stay behind me," Lisa advised, closing with an attacker. 
She seemed unharmed, but was forced to back away, blocking and dodging a
flurry of swipes and bites.

   The other two focused on Sophie again, apparently seeing her as the
biggest threat.  The air cracked and shadows spun as she waved her hands,
muttering angrily in some language I apparently hadn't studied yet.  One of
them stumbled and the other whiffed badly when it swung; I later learned
that she had invoked a particularly potent misfortune curse.  She laughed,
dancing away from their inept attacks.

   I stepped in when they were in position, jamming the broomstick into the
back of the closest one and squeezing hard.  The homemade "shotgun" we'd
hidden inside the stick went off, muffled by Torealite flesh, exploding his
guts all over his friend.  Immediately the blood and entrails all over the
floor and the second demon-dog began smoking and sizzling, and both demons
writhed and screamed harshly as they died.  As we'd planned, they were not
immune to their own blood - if applied from the outside.

   I turned to Lisa's fight, but she'd already won, beating the Torealite
to death with the ruins of the recliner.  Unfortunately this also destroyed
the floor underneath him and set off the smoke detector.  If you've never
smelled burning carpet and roast dog, I'm envious.

   "Whew!" Sophie said as I helped an unsteady but whole Alex to her feet.
"Anybody else need a cigarette and a scotch?"

   "Howabout we start with our underwear?" I replied.

   ***

   The top end of the broomstick was basically a hollow tube with a charge
of gunpowder, shards of blessed silver and glass, and a firing cap -
something like a "zip gun".  We'd taken to hiding a few similar
demon-killing weapons around the house to help give poor helpless me a bit
of an edge in any fights.  As for Sophie's wards, we'd purposefully left a
weak spot at the front door for the kind of portal spells the Torealites
tended to use, hoping to trap them in a strategic location while we set off
other traps - unfortunately, none of that had been too useful when they
interrupted us fooling around.  Luckily, the girls hadn't found them too
hard to handle.

   ***

   "Either those guys were out of shape, or I've been sucking up more mojo
than I thought," Sophie remarked later.  "That fight should have been
harder."

   "Fine with me," I said, hauling broken and burned chair bits to the
trash can.  "I don't mind not getting hurt every time Hell comes calling."

   "I dunno, it feels fishy," Sophie said, swirling her glass of ice and
booze.  "Maybe they're trying to lull us into a false sense of security. 
The next attack could come at any minute, so hold onto your nuts."

   She might have been right.  The next attack came that night.

   ***

   Before that, though, there's another bit of story worth telling.

   Lisa had gone to Home Depot and Alex was in the living room arguing with
a stopwatch (I have no idea), so Sophie and I naturally ended up in the
bedroom.

   "That was pretty impressive out there," I said as I stripped off my
shirt.  "I take it your mojo is all maxed out at this point?"

   "It never hurts to make sure," she said, turning around so I could unzip
her dress.  "You know me, always prepared!  Speaking of which, you wouldn't
believe how many Boy Scouts forget to carry-"

   "I don't want to know," I cut her off, sliding my arms around her to
heft her amazing boobs.  "Man, I never get tired of these."

   "Not too shabby, eh?  Even for an old gal like me."

   "Sophie, I think you're well aware that these are almost certainly the
greatest breasts in all of creation.  No, that does not mean I want to hear
another anecdote," I continued quickly as she opened her mouth, no doubt to
tell me about the amazing boobs of Helen of Troy or something.  "It just
means I really want to suck on them."

   "By all means," she said, as we sat down on the bed together, and she
cradled my head in her arms as I started in, licking and sucking.  She
sighed contentedly and began stroking my head lovingly, and began
whispering, "Yeah, baby, that's right...it feels so nice...suck on mommy's
tits, baby, just like that." God, how did she always know every little
perverted thought in my head?

   Later, she explained that she wasn't really telepathic, even with her
magic all charged up...but she was so good at reading body language and
emotions that it was almost the same thing - when it came to sexual
fantasies.

   Now, don't get me wrong, I don't normally get off on the idea of humping
my mom, she's a nice little old lady.  This was just a weird roleplay kind
of thing.  Believe me, if your mom looked like Sophie, you'd breast feed
until you were 35 too.

   "Om nom nom," I managed, slurping and fondling.  It was hard to pull
myself away from one perfect breast to go to the other one, but I tried to
be fair.  I'm a nice guy that way.  "You like that, mommy?"

   "Oh yeah, that feels great." She reached down to rub my dick, slowly. 
It was a nice change of pace from our usual intensity; but I guess it was
no surprise that she could do the gentle thing too, when she wanted.

   Eventually we pulled apart.  "God, Sophie, this is amazing.  Could you
actually, you know, make milk?  Magically or something?"

   "Actually, yeah, I could really breastfeed you.  You...probably don't
want to do that, though.  Demon milk in your body would...change you." She
bit her lower lip.  "I mean...nah, we really shouldn't."

   "Oh.  Huh.  Too bad, that would have been kinda awesome." She had a
strange look on her face.  I thought about asking her what was up, but then
I decided to distract her by fucking her brains out instead.

   We switched up our positions a few times, no crazy acrobatics, just
fucking.  It was nice when we were facing each other, so I could watch
those perfect tits bouncing or suck on them some more, but then when I took
her from behind they made great handles.  Finally she was on top, riding me
slowly with a circular grinding motion, and I alternated between trying to
play with her boobs and just lying back, gripping the bedsheets and
marveling at how fucking lucky I was.

   "Mm, yeah, baby, does that feel good?"

   "Fuck, yes.  Your pussy feels like heaven."

   "Ha!  There ain't no pussy like mine in Heaven, that's for damn sure,"
she cackled, gripping my dick and milking it up and down.  She leaned
forward and stuck her tits back in my face, riding me more urgently, until
I came inside her, moaning her name into her tits.  She collapsed on me,
laying her head on my chest.  "That was nice," she said quietly.

   I realized this was the first time we'd done it alone together.  I slid
my hand down her back and rested it on her butt.  "Yeah, we should do that
more often," I replied.

   She smiled at me, twisted some of my hair around a finger, looked into
my eyes.  "Do you...like me?" she asked.

   "Like you?  Sure.  I mean, you're completely ridiculous, but in an
endearing way."

   "Yeah?  You think a nice guy like you and a...bad girl like me...could
ever be more than just...fuck buddies?"

   "Heh!  Yeah, Sophie, I think we're already more than just fuck buddies.
Where is this coming from?"

   She looked away.  "I wasn't always like this, you know?  I mean, I
wasn't born a succubus.  I used to be just some girl."

   "Uh huh," I said, wanting to encourage her to keep talking, but not sure
what to say.  It seemed to be hard for her to open up like this.

   "And I, you know...I don't really enjoy my job, sometimes.  Well.  The
fucking, I like..."

   "I noticed," I said wryly.

   "...but the harvesting souls for the Dark Lord part, that...sometimes,
not so much.  Mostly, it's just dumb kids, you know, they get their hands
on the wrong book of spells, they want a girlfriend...some of them are so
lonely and, and stupid...they'll do any damn thing I tell them to.  They
don't know any better.  They've been pushed around by the popular kids,
they think they're smarter than everyone else...convincing them to seek
revenge, it's not even hard."

   "I bet," I said quietly.

   "And then I..." she stopped.  "...and then I finish the job.  And they
go to Hell.  Maybe, if they're lucky, if they're good at something, they
end up like me, spreading evil to other dumb kids.  Mostly they end up
decorating some sadist douchebag demon's carnival of horrors."

   I realized she might be talking about herself.  "Were you...seduced like
that?  By an incubus?"

   "Yeah.  A long time ago.  And when I got to Hell, I realized the best
thing that could happen to me was to fuck my way out.  The things I've
done, to the nastiest...things...meh.  That part, what I did to myself, I
can deal with that.  But the other people..."

   "So, are you here to fuck me over?  Not really to protect me?" I said it
without thinking about it, and then realized it was probably true.

   "Sure, if I get the chance.  I mean, the best thing would be if I stuck
with you and you made it to a position of real power, then I could...well,
you know, be your girl.  Or something.  But that's just a daydream.  You're
too little, and too nice.  Sooner or later somebody's gonna stomp us down,
and the only way for me to survive will be selling your soul.  If I can
convince you to let me corrupt it.  Which I'm very, very good at."

   "You're not doing so good right now, honey.  What's up?" Why was I
arguing in favor of her eating my soul...?  I'm a sucker.

   "I don't know, it's just...maybe because of that thing the space chick
did, sobering me up...maybe fighting today made me feel like we had a
chance...maybe it's just that I kind of like you." I raised an eyebrow. 
"No, really!  You're a nice guy, but you're also kinda smart.  And there's
something else, something more than the prince of Hell thing..." she shook
her head.  We still hadn't figured out why the universe kept throwing super
chicks at my front door.  "Anyway.  Like just now.  I really, really
shoulda let you drink from me."

   "The demon milk thing?  Shit, Sophie, I was literally asking for that."

   "I know, right?  And I stopped you.  What the fuck is wrong with me?"

   I smiled at her and gave her a kiss.  "Maybe you're growing up."

   ***

   Lisa burst in the front door about an hour later, hair disheveled, and
dropped several bags of supplies on the ground in the living room.  "What
did you do?" she gasped, panting.

   Uh oh.  "We, uh, kinda got busy while you were out," I admitted.  Alex
looked up from the stopwatch, and Sophie came back from the kitchen with a
stiff drink.  "Why, what's up?"

   "I am no longer welcome in Home Depot," Lisa announced, trying to
straighten her hair.  "I had multiple orgasms in the checkout line, and the
authorities were summoned.  I was forced to steal these goods and flee the
premises."

   Sophie shot gin out of her nose and started choking, laughing, and
crying all at the same time.

   "Holy shit," I managed weakly.  "I mean...I thought we had to, you know,
be together, for that to happen...wait, are you telepathic or something?"

   "It is part of the emotional bonding experience," Lisa said. 
"Apparently, it is farther along than I had thought.  It must be because we
are, as you said, having an unusual amount of sex."

   "Wait, I...I don't think that's what 'emotional bonding' normally
means..." I was really fumbling here.  "So, this is, like, all part of the
plan?  You come here and we hook up until you can read my mind?"

   "I cannot read your mind," Lisa corrected me.  "The bond is purely
emotional.  I am not allowed to tell you more at this time.  It is part of
my mission."

   "Well, damn," Sophie said, wiping her face with one of my shirts. 
"Although, this does suggest a whole new set of tricks we can play..."

   "We're not going to use Lisa's telepathy to make her get off in public,"
I said, rolling my eyes.  "I mean, not on purpose.  We'll have to be more
careful."

   "Yes, you will," Lisa said, looking slightly annoyed.  "It will be
inconvenient if I am banned from more retail stores." She glared wearily at
Alex, who had put down her toy and was peering intently at the air above
Lisa's head, clucking her tongue and moving from side to side, trying to
see the bond we were talking about.  Maybe she could.

   ***

   The ninjas broke in around midnight.  Fucking ninjas.  They're like
cockroaches with shuriken.  Kill one and five more scatter in the corners
of your eyes.  They picked the wrong damn house to sneak around in, though.

   When I'd gone to bed, Alex was out in the living room with her
stopwatch, still trying to figure out how there could be sixty seconds in
every minute.  Sophie was in her own room watching internet porn and
supporting the local distilleries and tobacco shops, and Lisa was spooning
with me.  I still hadn't decided how I felt about the fact that she was
apparently growing some kind of mental link in my head.  I think she could
tell I was weirded out, but I told her not to worry about it for now.

   Anyway, I was woken up by a loud crunching sound and someone howling in
Japanese, and looked over at the window to see a ninja trying to pull a
bear trap off his ankle.  Lisa threw her arm over my face, and when I
pulled it out of the way there were four throwing stars stuck in it.  Shit!
Yeah, there was another guy behind the first, peering in the open window at
us.  I dunno how they opened the window without setting off any kind of
alarm, but apparently they'd missed the fake windowsill with the trap
inside.

   Lisa pushed me down and threw the shuriken back at their owners.  The
guy with the bear trap took one in the face and started gurgling, but the
other dude vanished.  "Stay here," she said, and rolled out of bed, walking
over to the window.

   I was about to yell and warn Sophie and Alex, but then I heard a bunch
of crashing and shouting and decided those clever ladies had already
figured it out.

   Lisa grabbed the wounded ninja and threw him out the window, then stuck
her head out to look around.  When she pulled herself back into the room
she had two more shuriken stuck in her face.

   "These weapons are poisoned.  You should avoid the windows at all
costs," she said calmly as she removed them from her synthetic flesh and
tossed them on the desk.  "I think we should move into the common areas and
coordinate with the others.  Come with me." I nodded.

   We opened the door, Lisa doing her best to shield me at all times from
directions that might be ninja-filled.  We passed an open doorway and
suddenly she was grabbing a wrist; some guy inside had swung a short knife
at her face so fast I didn't even see the movement, but she caught him
anyway.  She broke his arm in two places and smashed the wall with his
face, and I winced at the streak of blood he left as he slumped to the
ground.

   We got to Sophie's room just in time to see her pulling some kind of
green smoke or energy out of the gaping mouth of another ninja while his
body shook.  Two more lay unmoving on the ground, eyes frozen in mortal
terror.  Sophie's own eyes were glowing red and her shadow seemed to fill
the room; for once, her naked body was in no way enticing.  "Did not know
who they were fucking with," she hissed.

   "We need to keep between him and any shadows or windows," Lisa said,
apparently unimpressed.  "They are using poisoned throwing blades."

   "Got it," Sophie said, all business now.  She seemed like a perfectly
normal human again, but I flinched a little when she glanced at me.  "How
about the alien?"

   Lisa cocked her head to one side.  "She sounds okay.  We should join her
in the living room."

   With a wave of her hand and a flare of purple light, Sophie knocked two
knives out of the air before they could reach my face.  She muttered
something in a language I apparently hadn't studied yet and squeezed her
hand into a fist, and there was a crunching sound followed by another body
tumbling out of a doorway, head twisted around backward.  Yikes.

   In the living room we found Alex more or less where we'd left her, still
studying that watch.  The white glow was back, though, and her feet were
hovering a few inches off the ground.  Slumped around her were two more
bodies - but she'd only put them to sleep, I assumed, rather than ripping
their souls out.  "Are these people the assassins you spoke of earlier?"
she asked without looking at us.

   "These would be them," Sophie said, scanning the apartment.  "This
particular clan gained supernatural stealth and scrying powers in exchange
for running occasional errands for a demon prince.  Also, they seem to be
annoyingly persistent."

   "I see," Alex said distantly, stopping and resetting the watch.  "I
believe there may be more in the kitchen."

   She didn't seem interested in coming with us, so we left her and kept
moving, the girls keeping me more or less sandwiched between them.

   Bursting around a corner and into the kitchen, we stopped short and
tried to make sense of the carnage.  Two more ninjas had been gutted and
were dead on the floor, lying in their own guts.  Judging by the food,
utensils, and appliances smashed all over the place, some sort of epic
battle had taken place.  The final combatants were just wrapping things up;
one ninja stood behind another, attempting to choke the life out of him
with some kind of strangling cord.  The losing ninja was down on his knees,
scrabbling feebly at the cord.

   My bodyguards were either paralyzed with confusion or just content to
let these guys kill each other off, but I acted without thinking.  The big
cast-iron frying pan made a satisfying Whang!  sound as it caroomed off the
standing ninja's skull.

   I pulled his body to the side and, after a second's hesitation, pulled
the cord off the other guy's neck.  High-pitched gasping ensued.

   "Hang on, we don't know what the fuck happened in here," Sophie said,
pulling me back.  "Even if this isn't a trick, how do we know you saved the
good one?"

   Lisa stood between me and the wheezing ninja, pulling him to his feet
and firmly pinning him to the counter.  "Agreed.  Your interaction may have
been unwise." She pulled the guys' hood off...and, surprise!  It was a cute
little Japanese girl.

   Ninja girl looked at us with bloodshot eyes and kept on sucking air. 
She didn't make any attempt to get free, though.

   "Her outfit is different," I said, suddenly realizing how I had known
who to hit.  "I don't think she's from the same clan."

   "Actually, he's right," Sophie said, pulling my victim's head up and
removing his hood as well.  "Everybody in this clan is a guy, and they
should all have a mark on their head...just like this." His forehead
sported an ugly dark sigil, blotchy and asymmetric.  "She's not one of
them, which means she's probably the one who killed these other two
shitheads."

   The ninja girl nodded, slumping weakly against Lisa's grip.  "I not
they. I Hanako clan.  They..." she spit on the face of the hoodless guy. 
"They pigs."

   "Ever heard of the Hanako clan?" I asked Sophie, who shrugged.  "So, why
did you help us?" I asked the girl.

   "I no help you.  I kill pigs.  I will kill all pigs," she whispered. 
Then she added, "But you help me.  Thank you."

   "Sure, always happy to kill a pig," I joked.  "We should go see if
there's any more for you to kill."

   ***

   There were not, it turned out, any ninjas left in the apartment.  "It
finished," Hanako said faintly, with a look of wonder on her face.  "I am
revenge."

   "What?" I asked.  "Like Batman?"

   "Sorry," she replied, looking at me, "My bad English."

   Well, I couldn't argue with that.  "Hey, I used to teach ESL, I can
cope. What's your name?"

   "I say before.  I am Hanako family.  Only Hanako."

   "Only?  That's your only name?"

   "No, I..." she struggled, clearly frustrated.  "No more Hanako.  Only
I."

   "Oh.  Like you're the last of the Hanako clan.  I get it."

   "Yes," she said.  "Pigs killed family.  I kill pigs.  Now I only."

   "Well, that's a happy ending," I said with a sigh.  "Look, thanks for
helping us, even if you didn't mean to.  Do you need a doctor or
something?"

   "No doctor," she said.  "No thanks.  I thank you."

   "Oh, it was just a frying pan," I tried to say modestly.

   "You help me.  You kill pig.  My life, yours."

   Oh Christ.  "Your life isn't mine.  I was just, you know, it was no big
deal."

   "My life yours.  You kill pig.  Pig kill me, all Hanako dead.  You help
me, Hanako revenge."

   Sophie sighed.  "Let me guess.  You're not going to want to leave now,
are you?"

   Hanako shook her head.  "I live here.  I give you life.  My oath,
finished.  My life, yours.  You my lord."

   "I think we just got our next roommate," I said, rubbing my forehead.

   "Hey, a lord!" Sophie said, poking my ribs with her elbow.  "You're
moving up in the world."

   ***

   It turned out that Hanako's given name was Taira, but she preferred to
go by the family name, Japanese style.  We didn't expect to have any more
Hanakos hanging around the house, so it seemed like it would work fine.

   Nobody attacked us for a couple of days, which was cool, because we kind
of all needed a break.  Hanako seemed to have jet lag on top of her near
strangulation, and seemed happy to mostly rest and explore the neighborhood
a little.  She also watched a lot of children's programming to learn "many
English".  The rest of us were occupied repairing apartment damage and
pacifying the landlord about our "late night party".

   Anyway, Hanako hadn't joined in our regular bedroom activity, though she
made it clear she was willing to do anything I asked her to.  She was
pretty cute, and I didn't figure it'd take long for me to take advantage of
her "obligation", but I was trying to hold out.

   So, that fateful night, it was the four of us together.

   ***

   For whatever reason, I'd had my eye on Alex all day, and when we
gathered for playtime I pulled her to me and lifted her silvery dress thing
up and off.  She looked at me with excitement and curiosity in her face as
I slid my hands up and down her tight body.

   "I'm going to give our researcher some one on one data tonight," I told
them as I pulled her onto the bed.  "Why don't you two take care of each
other for a while?"

   "Ooh, listen to you, making us act out whatever random fantasy pops into
your head.  You really do think you're a lord," Sophie joked as she
undressed Lisa.

   "Do you wish me to also refer to you as My Lord?" Lisa asked, letting
Sophie direct her actions.

   "Please don't," I said.  "Just sit in Sophie's lap and, you know, enjoy
yourself." Lisa looked a bit jealous as I groped Alex, but she soon seemed
to be enjoying herself, wrapping her legs around Sophie's waist as they
made out, stealing occasional glances at me.  Alex seemed to be quite happy
about kissing me, and managed to keep her tongue fixed in human
proportions. She ran her hands over my chest and back and seemed unable to
decide whether it was more important to stare into my eyes or to watch the
other two girls.

   "You really like sex, don't you Alex?" I asked, squeezing her ass and
kissing her neck.

   "My research has been unexpectedly pleasant so far," she agreed, humming
as I sucked on her tits.  "It is sometimes difficult to decide what to
observe."

   "You want to watch them while we do it?" I said.  "We can do that."

   I slid her off my lap, rolled her onto her hands and knees, and pointed
her at the other girls, who were going at it pretty fiercely.  Then I
grabbed her waist and pulled myself into her from behind.  It's always nice
when girls make that "Uhhng" sound as you put it in; really makes it seem
like your dick is making a good impression.

   So I fucked Alex doggy-style for a while, and we both watched Lisa and
Sophia doing their thing.  Sophie had several fingers in Lisa's cunt at
this point and was grinding the palm of her hand on the robot's clit; Lisa
was humping against that hand for all she was worth and making trails of
kisses around Sophie's neck and breasts.  Sophie was growling a lot of
silly dirty talk, and Lisa was mostly just panting and moaning.

   "You like watching them?" I whispered in Alex's ear, gently kneading her
tits in circles.  "Are you observing them without bias?" What the fuck was
this, dirty scientist talk?

   "Uhh," Alex groaned, "it's so good...they're so beautiful...it feels so
good..."

   "You're not distracted or anything, are you?" I asked, slamming myself
against her.  "You have to pay attention, you know, you have to do a good
job..."

   "Uhm...I have to...uh...do a good job...mmm..."

   During a pause in the action, I told the girls to get into a
"sixty-nine", which Alex found fascinating.  I pulled her back onto my lap
so she could ride me, this time facing away, still watching them.  Lisa
squirmed and moaned as Sophie ground her pussy down onto her mouth.

   The differences in their bodies made for a wonderful variety.  Sophie's
picture was probably in the dictionary next to the entry "voluptuous". 
Lisa had a few curves but was a bit lanky, a bit of a hardbody.  Alex had,
we'd learned, copied her body cell-for-cell from a supermodel she'd come
into contact with during her first day of exploring Earth; she was tall,
toned, and had curves so perky it didn't seem possible.  Apparently she'd
also copied all those nerves and hormones as well, without really knowing
what they did; she seemed to constantly be surprised by how good various
sexual activities felt.

   I made Alexis beg me to come, and she did; and then we all did, with a
lot of groaning and squealing.  Alex collapsed on me weakly, purring while
I cupped her tits, and then gasping as Sophie dove at us with lust-crazed
eyes, lapping eagerly at our organs in the rush to consume every drop of my
semen.

   "Yeah, that's right," I said, "feed her that creampie.  Just like that."

   "Guh!" Alex replied, and I knew how she felt.  Sophie was like a vaccuum
cleaner when she had cum in her sights.

   We lay around, stroking each other and recovering our breath for a bit,
and then I suggested a daisy chain, which prompted more explanations of
outdated sex lingo.  Sophie resumed eating out Alex and I told Lisa to get
her tongue back in Sophie's pussy; then I completed the other side of our
square, tonguing Lisa while Alex sucked me off.  She was kind of clumsy,
but enthusiastic.  Eventually we swapped orientations so that I was eating
Alex while Lisa blew me, and I came in her mouth, which was cool since it
prompted a demon-robot cum swapping kiss.  Lisa whined and whimpered a lot
but had apparently accepted her role as Sophie's bitch, and I loved
watching every second of it.

   After I'd more or less passed out, tangled up together with all my
lovely superhuman girlfriends, I had another one of those nasty dreams, all
the lights and shadows and cold and pain and strange sensations of
weightlessness and paralyzation.  There were strange inhuman figures all
around me, staring at me, examining me, talking to me without making any
sound, staring and staring with big black eyes, changing their shapes and
sizes as they moved from one angle to another...

   "Knock it off, Alex, I don't want any more freaky extra-dimensional
fever dreams," I mumbled.  "Keep your tau-axis gobbledegook under control."

   Then I realized that I was mostly awake, and the nightmare hadn't gone
away, and these freaky alien weirdoes weren't Alex.  One of them had a
thing in his hand that looked like a surgical tool designed by Picasso.

   I tried to scream, but I was still paralyzed.  My eyes rolled in panic.
Yeah, I pretty much totally lost it.