WARNING: This is a work of erotic fiction. It contains depictions of
nudity and graphic sex.

Author: A Strange Geek
Title: The Pilfered Princess
Summary: An evil sorcerer kidnaps a princess in his bid for conquest,
but gets a lot more than he bargained for. A humorous sendup of formula
fantasy stories.
Part: 1 of 5
Keywords: MF, M+F, FF, oral, nc, bon, tort, rough, magic, parody, humor

Copyright A Strange Geek, 2005

Feedback welcome! Please email me at astraYOURngeek@comMINDcast.net
( lose YOUR MIND to email me )

Or to send anonymous feedback, use the form at bottom of HTML version:

/~A_Strange_Geek/novels/PilferedPrincess/Part1.html

---------------

    On the cold stone floor of the dungeon cell, the half-curled form
of the princess finally stirred.

    Sarah gave a low groan as she slowly became conscious. She lifted
her head, one eye peeking out from behind disheveled locks of golden
hair. She squinted at even the dim light in the cell, her temples
throbbing until her vision started to clear. She blinked rapidly and
tried to pick herself up, only to discover that her wrists were tied
tightly behind her back.

    She uttered a short sigh and let her head drop back to the floor.
She needed to wait until she had more of her strength back before she
could try to sit up.

    Sarah thought back to the last thing she remembered. It took a few
moments for the fuzziness in her head to clear. She remembered sneaking
out of the castle so she could visit her secret lover, the squire's
son, out by the stable. They had just finished making love when he
offered her a goblet of wine. And then ...

    ... she woke up here.

    /That little scamp!/ Sarah thought in amusement. /I should have
figured him for one of the Dark Lord's agents. No wonder he liked to
tie me up before sex./

    Sarah no longer gave the circumstances of her arrival any further
thought. What matter now was where she was, not from where she had
come.

    Feeling some more strength return to her body as the sleeping
draught she had been slipped wore off, she grunted as she swung her
legs out, only to discover that her ankles had been bound as well.

    /Oh, lovely,/ she thought. She felt a chill as she struggled to get
her legs to bend at the knees and help push her into a more upright
position, as her feet were bare, making her shiver. She could not help
but utter a short laugh as she thought about how her lover would have
been quite amused to see her struggle like this. She sometimes squirmed
against the ropes he used on her just because she knew it got him
excited to see it.

    After some effort, the princess managed to straighten herself out,
roll onto her back, and then bring herself into a seated position. She
shimmied her legs over so she could lean her back up against the wall.

    Sarah looked down at herself, surprised to discover that her dress
was still very much intact, other then being a little wrinkled. /They
had little old me all tied up and helpless and didn't help themselves?/
she thought with a snort. /Amateurs. Oh, wait a minute .../

    She twisted her torso one way and then the other, then shook
herself. Her petticoats felt loose, her breasts jiggling a bit. She
smirked. /Okay, so someone had a little squeeze of the royal fruit,/
she thought with amusement. /Good, I thought I wasn't going to be
appreciated here./

    Sarah gave a wistful sigh as she leaned against the wall as she
thought about what likely lay ahead of her now. Pressed up against her
bosom tightly, her dress betrayed two prominent bumps that were her
stiffening nipples.

    It was not entirely due to the cold.



    Above the dungeon where the poor princess lay helpless rose the
terrifying Tower of Doom. Winding to its front gate was the Road to
Ruin, ending just short of two enormous boulders that flanked the base
of the Tower and right before the small "No Soliciting" sign on the
gate. Those foolish enough to approach close enough to the gate (which,
coincidentally, happened to be the distance one needed to be to read
the sign) would be crushed to death by the two boulders. All rear and
side approaches were protected by thick tangles of writhing vines that
throttled anyone who came too close.

    The Tower thrust menacingly into the leaden gray sky, the clouds
parting reluctantly for the swollen, skull-shaped Chamber of Horror
that capped its enormous height. And within the Chamber, the Dark Lord
Mallevelus, resplendent in his utterly black Robe of Impenetrable
Darkness, holding the obsidian Scepter of Infernal Power, leapt up from
his Throne of Foulest Evil and uttered his heartiest, most malevolent
laugh, the skies answering with flashes of poisonous green lightning
and cracks of despairing thunder.

    "I've done it, Inferno!" Mallevelus boomed, his coal-black eyes
glittering. "I have captured the Princess Sarah!"

    "Yes, my Lord," Inferno said placidly. Inferno was an incubus, his
flaming red skin the only thing in the room not rendered in shades of
black. He was the Dark Lord's Right Hand of Terror, responsible for all
manners of horror and torture at the Tower. At one time, the Dark Lord
also had a Left Hand of Darkness, but this had annoyed Inferno to no
end. Since the Left Hand of Darkness was /always/ dark, he could never
see it, and thus the Right Hand could never know what the Left Hand was
doing.

    "Now, the Kingdom of Light shall be mine at last!"

    "Of course, my Lord."

    Mallevelus let go with another round of diabolical laughter,
causing the skies to thunder again. Inferno rolled his eyes.

    "And when I have it, I shall turn it into ... a Kingdom of
/Darkness!/" Mallevelus cried.

    "Oh, now I hadn't thought about that, my Lord," Inferno said with a
sardonic smile. "Positively smashing."

    Mallevelus stroked his goatee thoughtfully. "Oh, and you can forget
about those unicorns in the Forest of Delight," he said. "Oh, no,
that's straight out once I take over! I'll replace them all with
Nightmares and turn it into the Forest of /Horrors!/"

    "Oh, how frightfully /original/ of you, my Lord," Inferno said with
a dutifully respectful tone of voice.

    "Yes, Inferno! And then I shall take the ..."

    "Begging my most Foul and Evil Lord's pardon," Inferno spoke up.
"Might I suggest something?"

    Mallevelus stopped. "Er, what?"

    "You might wish to first make your ransom demand to the King before
you celebrate your conquest of the Kingdom," Inferno suggested
delicately. "After all, you will need him to lower the Barrier of
Purity so that you may gain entry to his Kingdom."

    "Oh, yes, I was getting to that," the Dark Lord Mallevelus said. He
drew himself up to his full menacing height. "Bring her to me, my Right
Hand of Terror, and I shall have her begging for my mercy! We shall
then see how the fair King will stand up to me when he sees his fair
and pure daughter cowering at my feet!"

    He gave another burst of evil laughter, the thunder again booming
in response. "Oh, I do love that!" he said.

    /That makes one of us,/ Inferno thought. He also sincerely doubted
the princess was "pure", considering what their agent had been doing
with her prior to turning her over to the Dark Lord's minions.



    The princess looked up as she heard the door to her cell rattle.

    "It's about bloody time," she muttered. She cleared her throat and
put on a sufficiently innocent look.

    The door opened with a loud creaking noise. Sarah's eyes widened at
the thickly muscled guard as he struggled to open the heavy iron door,
his arms and chest bare, much of his head hidden by a large helmet. She
licked her lips, her gaze flickering down to the simple leather
loincloth that he wore and the prominent bulge under it. The next
moment, however, he stepped out of her line of sight, and into the cell
stepped the bright red form of the Incubus.

    Sarah gasped loudly, her eyes growing as wide as saucers, her heart
leaping into her mouth.

    He towered over her, standing nearly six feet. His skin was the
color of fire, and she could feel his heat radiating from him even from
across the cell. Two leathery wings lay folded against his back. Two
large horns curled from his forehead above two bright yellow eyes. But
what riveted her horrified attention was his large, erect phallus,
leading him by a nearly a foot, pulsing obscenely with infernal,
perverted sexual power.

    Inferno glowered at her, then carefully curled his lips into the
most wicked smile he could do. It was his signature look. He once made
an entire field of milkmaids faint at the sight of it. Oh, those /were/
the days.

    "Now, my sweet," Inferno spoke, using his most lascivious voice
possible, a voice that would make even the wickedest tramp turn away in
revulsion. He failed to notice that Sarah neither fainted nor turned
away. "Can you tell me where you are?"

    Sarah's heart pounded in her chest, her gaze jumping from his face
to his phallus and back. "I'm ... I'm in a dungeon ..." she said
breathlessly.

    "Yes, my dear princess, a dungeon," Inferno said silkily. "Now ...
can you tell me who's dungeon?"

    "The Dark Lord Mallevelus?"

    "Yes, Princess Sarah! The Dark Lord Mallevelus! And you shall be
brought into his most foul presence forthwith!"

    Sarah's eyes again dropped to his phallus. "Are ... a-are you ... "

    "Yeeees?"

    "A-are you going to ... t-to ... " She swallowed again, trembling.
" ... to r-rape me?"

    Inferno threw his head back and laughed. He grasped the base of his
enormous penis with one clawed hand and knelt by her side. Sarah drew
in her breath sharply as his heat came over her in a suffocating wave,
making her pant. "Do you mean to ask, princess," he said in a
disgustingly lustful voice, his eyes glowing wickedly, "if I intend to
take this and slide it up into the hot, tight depths of your most
intimate nether regions, and mercilessly violate the flower of your
womanhood by pounding it into you so hard you will scream for mercy
until you feel the searing hot spray of my foul seed inside you, then
yes, indeed, Princess, /I intend to do just that!/"

    Sarah gasped, cringing.

    Inferno gave her a toothy grin. "But ... not now."

    "Not now?" Sarah asked.

    "Yes, princess. Not now."

    "Oh."

    Inferno paused. Something was not right.

    "Er ... did you hear what I said, princess?"

    Sarah nodded. "Yes, I heard you. You said not now."

    "Yes ... but sometime, sometime perhaps quite soon, I shall do
/exactly as I have said!/"

    "Okay," she said.

    Inferno blinked. "Okay?" he repeated, confused.

    Sarah nodded.

    "Er ... but ..."

    "Oh, wait!" the princess said quickly, realizing her error. She
paused a moment, then let loose with a strident shriek. "/No, please,
don't touch me you .../uh/ .../ you/ fiend,/ you!"

    "Ah, that's better!" He frowned. It still wasn't quite right. "Uh
... I think ..."

    "Aren't you supposed to be taking me somewhere?" Sarah asked.

    "Huh? Oh, yes." He stood awkwardly. "Guard!"

    The bare-chested muscular hulk reentered the room, his dull yet
purposeful beady eyes the only visible part of his face from under his
helmet.

    "Cut the ropes around her ankles and get her to her feet!"

    Sarah placidly extended her ankles before her as the brute grunted
and whipped out a small but wickedly serrated knife. The ropes around
her ankles fell away with a single swipe. He grabbed an arm with a
beefy hand and hauled her to her feet. She tossed her head to get some
of her hair our of her eyes.

    "And now, Princess," Inferno snarled. "You will be taken before the
most /horrible/, the most /terrifying/, the most /evil/ presence in all
of the land, his most Foul and Infernal Lord Mallevelus!"

    Sarah nodded. "Okay, let's go," she said.

    Inferno made a face. This was not going the way he expected.

    "Uh ... you heard all that, right?" he asked. "About him being
horrible and terrible and all that rot, right?"

    "You forgot evil, foul, and infernal."

    "Er ... yes ... /take her away!/" Inferno ordered with a sweep of
his arm.

    Inferno fell in step behind her as they marched out of the
dungeons, the tip of his phallus only inches from her behind. Her
forehead broke out into a sweat.

    It was not entirely from the heat.



    As he waited for the return of his loyal minion, the Dark Lord
happily busied himself readying an Orb of Messaging. He placed the
crystal message orb atop the obsidian black stand, took a step back
from it, cleared his throat, and intoned, "/Record/".

    /Bink/. A small red glow emanated from inside the orb. "Testing,
testing, one two three. Now is the time for all good men to grovel
before the Dark Lord. /Stop/. /Playback/."

    A three-dimensional flickering image of the Dark Lord appeared in
miniature off to the side, repeating back the lines he had just spoken.

    "/Stop/. /Rewind to start/. /Erase/. Perfect," the Dark Lord
grinned.

    Behind him, the door to his sepulchral chamber opened, and the
princess was pushed roughly inside by the guard, causing her to stumble
and nearly fall. The guard grabbed her by the arm and righted her, only
to just shove her forward again and this time really cause her to fall.

    "Oh, now, my dear, dear princess," Mallevelus said in his most oily
voice, a wicked grin playing across his face. "No need to bow before me
so soon. At least allow me the intense pleasure of breaking you first."

    Princess Sarah paused in her struggles to stand up again to look up
at the Dark Lord and drew her breath in sharply at the sight of him,
the next second tilting her head to one side and furrowing her brow.

    /This is the Dark Lord Mallevelus?/ she thought in disbelief.

    For one thing, he did not look nearly as tall as people made him
out to be. A "towering edifice of evil" was what they called him (or
was that the Tower? She could never remember). This man looked barely
six-foot-three. And he did not even look all that evil. Unless that was
what all this black was supposed to be. To her that just meant the man
had no fashion sense. Yet this was the all powerful Lord of Evil and
Chaos, the Foul One, the Lord of Darkness.

    /Well, he's got the darkness down pat, I'll give him that,/ she
thought, straining to see in the dimness of the chamber, lighted by
only a single feeble lantern off to the side of the Throne.

    Mallevelus issued an evil chuckle. "So, Princess Sarah, already you
are so frightened at my mere visage that you are struck speechless, are
you not?"

    Sarah managed to rise to her feet as she felt the warmth of the
incubus beside her again. She stole a glance at his phallus again, a
very brief smile touching her lips, before looking back to the Dark
Lord. "No," she replied simply.

    The Dark Lord started laughing maniacally, thunder shaking the
rafters.

    "She said 'no', my Lord," Inferno said loudly.

    Mallevelus abruptly stopped, the thunder stopping in mid-crack.
"She said what?"

    "She said 'no', my Lord," Inferno repeated patiently.

    "No?"

    "Yes, my Lord."

    "So she did say 'yes'! Hah!"

    "No, my Lord, she said 'no'."

    "She said 'no'?"

    "Yes."

    "But you just said she said 'no'!" Mallevelus thundered. "Make up
your mind!"

    Inferno paused and counted to ten. /I gave up a life on the fifth
level of Hell for this?/ he thought violently. "Master, if she had been
able to speak /at all/, this would tend to refute the claim that she
was too scared to speak, regardless of what she said," Inferno said.

    Mallevelus appeared to consider this for a moment, then frowned and
stepped up to Princess Sarah, looming over her, casting two eyes of
intense malevolence down at her. "Do not trifle with me, Princess," he
said in a deadly voice. "You will find my wrath terrible to behold."

    He raised a single hand into the air in an almost leisurely manner.

    Sarah gasped and staggered back from him as she felt her chest
seized in a viselike grip. It forced some of the air from her lungs,
and when she tried to breathe in, she could take no more than a shallow
breath, intolerable pressure preventing her from drawing any more air
than that. She gave several wheezing coughs, her breathing reduced to a
shallow pant as her legs went weak and she fell to her knees again. "I
... can't ... /breathe!/" she rasped, her heart pounding in terror for
the first time since she arrived.

    "And see how the enemies of the Dark Lord die before me!"
Mallevelus cried triumphantly.

    "Er ... we /do/ need her alive, my Lord," Inferno said gently.

    "Oh? Oh, yes, quite right!" He whipped his hand away.

    Sarah drew in a loud, gasping breath as the pressure abruptly
vanished. She took a few moments to catch her breath. /So they need me
alive, do they?/ she thought, some of her panic abating. /Okay, maybe
this Dark Lord is the real deal. Fair enough. I just have to play along
and ... maybe I can get some of what I want as well./

    "But now I am sure that our fair and pure ..."

    Inferno coughed.

    " ... princess here will treat me with more respect," Mallevelus
concluded. He grinned at her. "Won't you, my dear?"

    Princess Sarah looked up at him, lip trembling. Her fear was not
entirely faked. "Y-yes," she said quietly.

    "Yes ... /what?/"

    He flicked a finger in the air. Her diaphragm spasmed.

    "/Yes, my Lord!/" Sarah said quickly.

    "And will you, Princess, do as I say from here on in?"

    "Yes, my Lord!" she repeated. There was less fear to it now.

    "And if I wish it that you should beg for my mercy, nay, for your
very life ... would you do that as well?"

    "Yes, my Lord," Sarah replied. A small smile touched the corners of
her mouth.

    "And if I were to wish it that you kiss my very feet, would you do
it?"

    "Oh, yes, my Lord," she said, licking her lips. Now there was
genuine enthusiasm in her voice.

    Inferno looked oddly at the Princess. No, this was not right at
all. This was not in the script at all.

    "And it I were to ask ..."

    "Begging my most Fiendish and Terrible Lord's pardon," Inferno said
loudly, "But do you not have a message orb to send? To the King?"

    Sarah blinked at this. At this point she was able to see more
clearly in the dark, and now she caught sight of the orb sitting in its
stand just past Mallevelus.

    "Yes, quite right, Inferno." Mallevelus looked down at the
Princess. "On your feet, the Dark Lord commands you."

    He waved a hand, and the ropes binding Princess Sarah's wrists
abruptly snapped and unraveled. She rose quickly to her feet, rubbing
the indentations made by the ropes in her flesh. She looked almost
disappointed.

    Mallevelus walked over towards the orb. "Bring her," he said
casually.

    The guard shoved her hard in the back even as she started walking
under her own power towards a spot next to Mallevelus.

    The Dark Lord grinned wickedly at her. "You see here a simple
message orb, my dear," he said to her. "This small device is but a
small cog in the great machine that is my plan."

    /Oh, dear, he's monologuing,/ Inferno thought with a sigh.

    /Oh, good, he's monologuing,/ the princess thought. /I need to
listen to this./

    "It is but the only thing I need. Oh, except perhaps for one thing,
and that thing, my dear, is you!" Mallevelus said. "Yes, Princess. You
are the last cog in the great machine, delivered to me by my loyal
minion, the squire's son, for whom you showed such an ardent affection.
Little did you know that your unladylike lust for a man you believed
beneath your station would come to such grievous ends!"

    /Grievous ends?/ she thought with a slight, sardonic smile. /He
obviously did not see the size of this boy's cock. Wow! I think I came
three times./

    She took a glance over her shoulder, eying Inferno's ever-erect
phallus again.

    "Little did you know, nor did your father the King know, that I
have a huge network of spies all over the court!" Mallevelus laughed.
"They tell me everything that happens in your Kingdom. You may think
your Barrier of Purity can keep me and my armies out, but I had long
before placed my minions in your father's midst, and that will be the
downfall of your father's precious Kingdom of Light!"

    Inferno frowned. Where were the princess' gasps of surprise? He
looks of despair at her father's attempt to defend the kingdom coming
to naught? Her pleas to spare her good people who mean him no harm?

    He snapped his fingers. A set of parchments appeared in them.
Quickly he flipped through the pages, upon which he had inscribed the
predictive runes that he had cast before the Dark Lord had set his
latest scheme in motion (traditionally called the "script") in order to
see what the outcome would be. As he scanned the runes, it was clear
that what was happening was simply not in the script anywhere.

    The Dark Lord appeared to see nothing of this, and instead gestured
towards the message orb. "And now, Princess, stand where you are, so
your father will be able to see you, to see what I have of his, what he
will not get back until I get what I want!"

    Princess Sarah finally showed some reaction at this point, giving a
small gasp and looking at the Dark Lord with wide eyes, her hand on her
breast. "And ... what is it ... what is it you want, my Lord?" she
asked in a breathless voice.

    The Dark Lord's lips curled into a sly smile. "Why, I thought that
would be obvious, Princess," he said in a low voice.

    Sarah swallowed and took a deep breath, feeling herself tremble.
"Please, tell me, my Lord," she said in a husky voice, stepping closer
to him.

    "What I want, my lady, is for your father to lower the Barrier so
that my armies will finally face his in battle, and allow me to conquer
his Kingdom once and for all!"

    "Oh," Princess Sarah said, sounding crestfallen. She glanced to the
side and caught the incubus giving her an odd look over some
parchments. "Er, I mean ... oh, no, my Lord! Anything but that! Not the
Barrier! Please, no!"

    The Dark Lord appeared pleased. Inferno narrowed his eyes
suspiciously.

    "Yes, Princess, the Barrier!" Mallevelus shouted with a sweep of an
arm towards his Farseeing Mirror. The interior glass swirled in mist,
resolving itself into a large, glowing white field of energy suspended
above a river, the magical energy barrier that barred the way to the
Kingdom of Light from the forces of evil. "With that Barrier out of my
way, I shall conquer your pitiful Kingdom and rule the world!"

    He opened both arms and let loose with more diabolical laughter,
the thunder returning again in kind.

    "/The message orb/, my Lord!" Inferno said impatiently.

    "Yes, I'm getting to that!" Mallevelus snapped. "Now, Princess,
your part is about to be played."

    He paused. Inferno looked at the Princess expectantly.

    "Uh ... oh, I'll never help you, never!" Princess Sarah said
shrilly. "You cannot make me betray my father and my kingdom!"

    "Hrm," Inferno murmured, making the parchments disappear in a puff
of fire and smoke.

    "But that is the beauty of it, my dear! You need to do nothing but
listen as I record this message!" the Dark Lord exclaimed triumphantly.

    /Bink./ The red light came on as he said the word "record".

    "What the ... no, I didn't mean start recording yet! /Stop!/" he
shouted. "/Rewind to start! Erase!/ Now ... /Record/."

    /Bink/.

    The Dark Lord put on his most evil and conversation-drying sneer.
"Greetings, my Good King Beneficus," he said with a twist in lips at
the word "Good". "I assume you recognize me. I am the Dark Lord
Mallevelus, the Foul One. But regardless of whether you recognize me or
not, surely you recognize your own daughter, Princess Sarah!" He said,
gesturing to Sarah with a flourish, who simply gave the orb a neutral
look.

    /Hells' Bells, the girl is supposed to be teary-eyed with despair
right now!/ Inferno thought in frustration.

    "Yes, my Good King, your own daughter, with me here now. And here
she shall remain until you do one thing for me. One thing, and your
daughter will be returned to you safely. You need only to lower the
Barrier of Purity at the edge of your Kingdom!" And now the Dark Lord's
face twisted into a most evil and lascivious grin.

    Inferno stepped closer. He kept a wary eye on the Princess.

    "And do not delay, my King. For every day that you delay, every day
that goes by where you do not lower the barrier, your lovely daughter
here will suffer for it."

    Princess Sarah whirled around in shock and looked at the Dark Lord,
hand going to her breast. She felt icy fear creep up her spine.

    /Better/, Inferno thought, nodding slightly.

    Mallevelus chuckled. "Yes, Princess, that's right. /You/ will
suffer for your father's foolishness." He turned back towards the orb.
"Here this, O King! Every day that passes, if the Barrier is not
lowered by sunset, at dawn the next day, your daughter will suffer the
most unspeakable, the most degrading, the most vile, the most foul, the
most humiliating violations of her body that I can conjure in my most
evil mind!"

    The Princess' gasped.

    Inferno raised an eyebrow. As the Dark Lord's Right Hand of Terror,
he was schooled in every manner of negative emotion that could be
instigated in a human being. And what he had just heard was most
certainly not a gasp of fear or revulsion.

    "That is right, my Good King!" Mallevelus shouted. "Your own
daughter, your own child, this innocent flower of womanhood ..."

    Inferno rolled his eyes.

    " ... she will be innocent no more! Her most intimate regions will
be violated, her own body helpless to stop it, restrained in all manner
of undignified ways!"

    Princess Sarah took a deep breath to calm herself, her heart
pounding. Two raised bumps appeared on the bosom of her dress.

    The Dark Lord gestured triumphantly towards Sarah. "See how she
cowers at hearing this! See how she cringes before me! See how she begs
to ... to ..."

    He stopped. He stared at Sarah.

    Sarah blinked and looked back at the Dark Lord. "Huh?"

    "/Stop!/" The Dark Lord shouted.

    /Bink/. The red glow in the orb died.

    He glowered at Sarah. "/Why are you not cowering?!/" he thundered.

    "Cowering ...? Oh!" Sarah dropped to her knees and clasped her
hands together. "No, my Lord, please! No!"

    "Arrgh! It's too late now, we're not record__"

    /Bink/.

    "__ing! What is ... /STOP!/" he bellowed at the orb.

    /Bink/.

    The Dark Lord took a deep breath. "What is with you, girl?!" he
demanded.

    "I'm sorry, my Lord!" Sarah said. "I ... uh ... missed my cue."

    "Missed your cue?! I'm standing here telling your king you're going
to be held prisoner! You're going to be stripped naked! You're going to
be chained! Your nether regions are going to be touched, rubbed, poked,
prodded, penetrated, tortured! You're going to be raped over and over
again with phalluses that will make you feel you are about to explode!
/Why do you need a bloody 'cue'?!"/

    Sarah's mind raced. "Uh ... um ... because ... because I'm too awed
by your presence?"

    Mallevelus paused. He smiled. "Really, now? So awed that you cannot
even cower before me?"

    "Yes, exactly, my Lord!" Sarah said with relief. "You were so ...
so terrifying that I could not even think! I was petrified!"

    "Oh, my, am I /that/  good?"

    "Indeed, my Lord."

    "You know, I /do/ try. I practice all the time on my minions."

    "My Lord," Inferno said, a sour look on his face.

    "So what was it, actually? My intimidating bearing? Or perhaps my
commanding voice? Or ..."

    "/My Lord!/" Inferno shouted.

    The Dark Lord blinked. "Huh?"

    "Should we not finish this rec ... this /message/, my Lord?"

    "But she cannot cower," Mallevelus said. "You heard her."

    Inferno made a face and cast a dubious look at the princess. "Then
do it without it," he said.

    The Dark Lord frowned. "I suppose I shall have to. I guess I can
rewind to the start ..."

    /Bink/.

    " ... of her part, then ..."

    "My Lord, wait!" Inferno cried as he glanced at the orb.

    " ... and just erase ..."

    /Bink/.

    " ... over that ... no, I can just record ..."

    /Bink/.

    Inferno covered his eyes with his hand.

    "... over it, then I can ..." the Dark Lord's eyes swept over to
the orb. "No, no, you stupid orb! /Stop! STOP!/ What?! It erased
everything! /ARRGGHH!!/"

    /CRACK!!/

    The Princess ducked as the orb exploded into a million pieces from
a bolt of green lightning from the tip of the Scepter of Infernal
Power.

    Inferno sighed.

    "Get me another orb," the Dark Lord ordered.

    "We have no more, my Lord," Inferno said.

    "/Then get out a sodding parchment!!/" he bellowed.

    As the incubus conjured up a parchment and a quill, the Princess
carefully stepped around the broken shards of the orb so she did not
cut her feet until she arrived back where the guard stood and hoped he
did not think it was time to push her again.

    "Take this down!" the Dark Lord shouted, fuming. "Dear King: I have
your sodding daughter! Bring down the bloody Barrier and fight my
armies, you great pillock! Each day you don't, your precious daughter
gets buggered at dawn!"

    Princess Sarah just watched and blinked innocently. At the same
time, she could not suppress the small smile that played at the corners
of her lips.

    "Send that immediately!" Mallevelus commanded. He turned to the
Princess with a sneer. "And as for the princess that's too /awed/  to
cower before me ..."

    /Oh-oh, he's angry with me again./ Sarah stumbled back a step from
him, but the guard behind her grabbed her arm and held her fast.
/Great,/ now/ he picks the time to hold instead of push,/ she lamented.

    The Dark Lord looked down upon her. "Perhaps the reality of your
predicament has not yet penetrated your mind," he said darkly. "Perhaps
I can show you the seriousness of your situation."

    Inferno finished sealing the letter and sent it traveling to the
King's throne room with a wave of a talon. It vanished in a puff of
smoke. "Your letter is sent, my Lord," he said.

    "Excellent, Inferno. Now ... take Princess Sarah here back to the
dungeons. Have her stripped naked ..."

    Sarah looked up expectantly.

    " ... have her chained to her cot ..."

    Sarah started to smile.

    " ... and leave her to contemplate her fate."

    Sarah sighed. /Bloody hell/, she thought.

    "At once, my Lord," Inferno said, happy to be rid of the princess
for awhile. He gestured to the guard. The guard yanked on Sarah's arm
hard and started dragging her towards the door.

    /Damn, I'll catch my death of cold in a naked in a dank dungeon
cell!/ Sarah thought. "Wait! Wait! My Lord!" she called out.

    "Be silent!" Inferno snarled. "You had your chance to beg for
mercy, now ..."

    "Beg for mercy?" the Dark Lord suddenly called out with interest.
"Wait! Is she begging for mercy already?"

    "No, my Lord," Inferno said. "She ..."

    "Yes! Yes, my Lord, I am!" Sarah cried. She wrenched herself from
the guard's grip, and stumbled to a kneeling position before the Dark
Lord. She clasped her hands together and held them in a supplicating
gesture. "Please, my Lord! Have mercy on my delicate body!"

    Inferno snorted.

    "Do not consign me to the cold, dank dungeons! I beg of you! Show
mercy on me! Show me some small scrap of dignity, some tiny
acknowledgment of my station!"

    /Oh, what a ham,/ Inferno thought sourly. /Surely not even the Dark
Lord can fall for .../

    The Dark Lord chuckled evilly. "So, Princess, you finally come to
realize what terrible fate has come to pass for you? Most excellent."

    "Yes, my Lord!" Sarah cried. "Oh, great gods, I am helplessly in
your power! I am no match for your fiendishness! My life is in your
hands, my Lord! My very ... my very womanhood is yours to command, my
Lord!"

    Her voice grew husky towards the end, and now she was panting
lightly again, the telltale bumps returning to the bosom of her dress.  

    Mallevelus grinned, basking in the praise. "Oh, this is most
excellent, Princess," he said. "Yes, perhaps you do understand. Perhaps
you have, indeed. This shall make your suffering twice as great,
Princess Sarah, for now you know what you have to look forward to! And
I suppose, in light of that, I can show a small bit of mercy ..."

    Inferno's jaw dropped. "Oh, now hang about ..." he began in
protest.

    "Let it not be said that the Dark Lord Mallevelus does not at least
acknowledge royalty!" he declared. "Inferno! Take her to one of the
Tower staterooms."

    "The what?! But she's a prisoner, not an honored guest!"

    "That is my wish, Inferno!" the Dark Lord thundered. "You will do
as I command!"

    Inferno fumed. Which for an incubus meant steam pouring from his
ears, making quite a sight. "Then ... then make her pay for the
privilege!" he exclaimed.

    Princess Sarah looked over to him. Her eyes glanced down briefly to
his prominent phallus again.

    Inferno glared back. Which was also no small feat, since this mean
flames shooting a brief distance from his eyes. "Make her suffer her
first indignity tonight, at dusk, if the King does not lower the
barrier!" he cried. "Have her guard rape her!"

    Sarah gasped. She glanced at the guard still holding her, then at
the bulge in his loincloth. She felt her heart race.

    "But I have already said I would do it at dawn the next day!" the
Dark Lord protested.

    "Then do it at dawn!" Inferno cried. "And do it at dusk tonight as
well!"

    "Why?"

    "Because you're /evil/, my Lord," Inferno said, exasperated. "And
that's what evil people /do/."

    Mallevelus considered. "Yes ..." His lips slowly curled into a
wicked grin. "Yes! Of course! Excellent idea, Inferno, my Right Hand of
Terror! Make it so, and give a nasty surprise to the King if he thinks
he can take the chance on one day of delay!" He lifted his arms to the
ceiling and let go with more diabolic laughter, lightning and thunder
raging around the top of the Tower of Doom.

    Inferno sneered at the princess. "Do not think you can get anything
out of us without paying a price!" he snapped at her.

    Princess Sarah nodded quickly, then broke out into a smile. "Okay."

    Inferno blinked, then snarled to the guard, "/Take her away!/"



    Many leagues away, on the other side of the World, lay the wondrous
Kingdom of Light. This land of beautiful, sun-drenched meadows and
lush, enchanted forests, lay nestled between the twin Mountains of
Delight (or rather, they used to be mountains, but many millennia of
erosion had turned them into two rather rounded mounds), and was ruled
from the glittering Palace of Bliss.

    The Palace rose invitingly from atop a low mound, the gates at the
entrance of the Palace grounds open to all comers. Those who make the
trek to these lovely grounds enter through the gate, moving between two
curving lines of orchards that yield the finest, tastiest fruit of all
the lands of the World. Near the center of the path is the opening to
the fabled Well of Good Fortune. It is said that any that choose to
drink from this well will enjoy all the pleasures of life for all of
their remaining days. Past the well, at the top of the Palace grounds,
rose the King's castle, a very unassuming rounded nub of a building
that nonetheless held the King's court.

    And this day, as any day in a Kingdom perpetually blessed by
bountiful harvests, gorgeous weather, and buxom women (who would not
give you anything other than a good time if you slept with them), the
Good King Beneficus was doing what any Good King would do in a
situation like this: throw a party.

    And thus did the wine flow, and the fine food feasted upon, and the
did the wine flow once more, and soon the King was the life of the
party, belting out terribly banal jokes for the benefit of his court,
who would laugh even though he told the same jokes at every party he
threw, so long as the wine did continue to flow.

    Yet, despite all of this jocularity, some semblance of work must be
done, and that fell to the Good King's faithful guardian angel Joy,
also know as his Right Hand of Virtue. Joy was there to insure both the
King's safety and the perpetuation of goodness throughout the Kingdom.
At the same time, she handled some lesser tasks that the King was too
busy to handle herself.

    Such as his correspondence.

    Thus when she received the smoking parchment from the Foul One, she
gasped and nearly fainted from the noxious evil that surrounded the
missive itself. She fanned herself with an incomplete memo she was
about to fire off to the Guild of Merchants, so that they would
/please/ try and stop peddling "Ladies of Lesser Virtue" when the King
wasn't looking, and read the message, her cheeks blushing a bright red
at the terribly vulgar language, contrasting sharply with her brilliant
white robes and swan-like wings.

    "Oh my goodness!" Joy breathed as she put the letter down with a
shaking hand. "This is terrible! Most terrible! I must warn the King! I
must!"

    She leapt from her chair and reluctantly took the letter in hand
again, holding it at arm's length, her nose wrinkling at the stench of
evil from it. She rushed through the halls, her robe billowing out
behind her, until she enter the reception area, where the King was
surrounded by members of the court, staring at him in rapt wonder as he
told his latest joke.

    " ... and after the dwarf ran away, the monk says to the friar,
'Bet that was worth breaking a vow, aye wot?'" the King boomed.

    His court erupted into raucous laughter and then a hearty round of
applause. The King smiled and beamed at them, lifting his goblet for
another drink.

    "You majesty!" Joy cried, panting from her run through the castle.
"Your majesty! I must speak with you at once!"

    The King rolled his eyes once before turning his corpulent frame
towards his Right Hand of Virtue, flashing her an ingratiating smile.
"Can this wait, Joy?" he asked in a low voice. "I was just about to
tell the one about the milkmaid and the watermelon merchant. Aye, that
one's a rib-tickler, eh?" He said with a laugh, jabbing her in the ribs
with an elbow.

    "Really, your majesty!" Joy said, blushing. "You must refrain from
such ... /titillating/ tales."

    "Oh, don't be such a prude, now."

    Joy sighed. She sometimes had to remind him that she was his Right
Hand of /Virtue/. "Really, your majesty, I must speak with you. I have
terrible news! I ..."

    "Shhh!" the King hissed. He turned to his court, some of which had
heard part of the conversation and were eager to hear something other
than yet another lackluster joke from their monarch. "Ah, yes, yes! If
you will excuse me for a moment, I must tend to some business. Amuse
yourselves for a bit, hmm?"

    They did so, mostly by checking to see if the wine was still
flowing freely. To their relief, it was indeed.

    "Now, Joy, what is this all about?" King Beneficus said with a
sigh.

    "It's your daughter, your majesty!" Joy said with a horrified look.

    The King sighed and rolled his eyes. "Oh, great gods, what has that
infernal girl done this time?"

    "Your majesty, brace yourself ..."

    "Oh, no, is it that bad? All right, give it to me straight. Who do
I need to pay and how much gold will it cost to keep it quiet?"

    "No, no, he doesn't want gold! Oh, my, I feel I will faint ..."

    /What a drama queen,/ the King thought sourly. He caught sight of
the letter in her hand and plucked it from her failing grasp. "Is this
the tally of damages, hmm?"

    "No, it's ... it's ..."

    But the King had already opened the letter and was reading it. His
brow furrowed deeply. He looked at her. "Is this a /joke/, Joy?" he
demanded.

    "I wish it were, your majesty!" Joy croaked. "But your daughter ...
your own flesh and blood ... is the prisoner of the /Foul One!/"

    She nearly choked on the final words.

    "And you are sure of this?" the King asked.

    "Yes, your majesty. The letter reeks of the foul evil of this Dark
Lord!"

    "Ah, yes, of course," the King said dubiously, giving the parchment
a sniff and finding nothing of interest. He often wondered how people
like Joy could actually smell evil. Unless  all evil overlords suffered
from a severe BO problem, which he doubted, since the Dark Lord at
least seemed neatly groomed the last time the King had seen him. "Well,
then! There is only one thing we must do!"

    "Yes, your majesty!" Joy said, starting to give a smile of hope.

    "We must call for more wine and more food! This is indeed a reason
to celebrate!"

    Joy blinked. Her smile faltered. "What??"

    "Ah, no more court sex scandals," he mused with a wide smile. "No
more bogus claims of nobility from every vagabond who thinks he can cop
some easy gold just because the foolish girl chose to sleep with him.
No more angry parchments from the Ladies of Lesser Virtue complaining
about her taking away their business ..."

    "/Your majesty!/" Joy cried, horrified.

    "Er ... well, never mind that," the King said quickly. "The point
is, what's done is done, there's no point in getting upset over it."

    "But ... b-but ... do we not need to raise the armies in defense of
the Kingdom?" Joy asked in a small voice.

    "Whatever for?"

    "So when you lower the Barrier of Purity to ..."

    "Lower the Barrier!" King Beneficus bellowed. "Why would I do a
bloody daft thing like that?"

    "To get your daughter back!" Joy shouted, exasperated. "That is how
it works! You lower the Barrier. He gives you your daughter back. He
comes in, thinking he's won, and then your mighty armies defeat him in
battle. Good triumphs over Evil!"

    The King gave her an ingratiating smile. "And why, my dear, would I
wish to do that when it is so much easier to leave the Barrier right
where it is and keep his ruddy army out of our Kingdom in the first
place?"

    Joy goggled at him. "But ... b-but ... " she sputtered. "Your
daughter!"

    "I am not all that worried about Sarah."

    "But ... you read the letter ... what h-he was going t-to do to her
..." Joy paled at the thought.

    King Beneficus snorted. "And you seriously believe she will care,
considering her, ah, propensities?"

    "But she ... but you ... I ... the Dark Lord ... " she stammered.

    The King smiled sympathetically. "All this good versus evil rot is
important to your kind, isn't it?"

    "I should say so, your Majesty!"

    "Then, by all means, figure out some way of returning her to me,"
the King said, trying not to wince. "But it must be without lowering
the Barrier."

    Joy bit her lip as she thought. Then she gasped as the perfect idea
came to her. "I know! A Champion!"

    "Er ... a what?"

    "A Champion, your majesty!" Joy cried joyously. "A Hero! A dashing
and brave young man to rescue the fair and pure King's daughter from
the evil clutches of the Foul One!"

    "Well, fair, anyway," the King muttered. "And even that's
stretching it."

    "Oh, I will get started on that at once!" Joy said excitedly.

    "Ah ... does it have to be at once?"

    "Oh, yes, your majesty! You read what utterly unspeakable things he
will do to her if we do not make haste!"

    /Good gods, he only said she would be buggered,/ the King thought.
/Not like that's the end of the World for her./

    "My only regret, your majesty, is that we cannot move fast enough
to stop him from doing it once to her," Joy said, shivering.

    "I am sure she will muddle through somehow."

    "And, your majesty, we absolutely must promise the Champion that
rescues her a payment befitting the task. And that can only be ... her
hand in marriage."

    The King raised a dubious eyebrow.

    "You do not agree?" Joy asked.

    "I thought we were attempting to /reward/ him."

    Joy blinked confusingly at him.

    "Ah, never mind. Yes, Joy, go ahead and get started on that at
once."

    "At once, your majesty!" Joy cried happily, turning away with a
twirl of her robe and flutter of her wings.

    The King sighed and shook his head. "Like any bloke in this Kingdom
needs to marry her to get into her petticoats," he muttered as he
turned to rejoin his guests.



    The dying rays of the crimson sun faded from view as the last
sliver of its light disappeared beneath the distant ocean, the waters
deepening to wine-dark indigo. From the window that looked out from the
room in which the Princess had been imprisoned, she could have seen the
fiery orange beauty of the sky above the horizon, or the sublime purple
majesty of the wispy clouds that hung just above it.

    Or rather, she would have seen it, had she not been busy screaming.

    Princess Sarah lay trapped on the bed, both by the heavy chain that
bound her wrists to the brass headboard above her head, and by the
heavy, hulking form of the guard that lay atop her. As promised, she
was quite naked, her clothes, and hence her remaining dignity, having
been ripped from her and callously thrown away like so many rags by
Inferno. Her legs lay splayed far apart, unable to close even slightly
against the huge form that lay between them. On the floor lay the
guard's loincloth, the massively thick manhood that had been hidden
behind it now fully employed in its wicked work within her tender
nether regions, invading her innocent folds with its brutal intrusion.

    Sarah raised her hands more fully above her head, gripping the top
of the headboard tightly, clenching her teeth as she gasped, her eyes
tightly closed. The guard pounded his body against hers, relentlessly
and mercilessly, brutally stretching her intimate opening as he
continued with single-minded purpose. Sarah opened her mouth and
screamed again, her shrill voice echoing out the open door of the
chamber, into the hall, and up and down the stairs that ran the length
of the Tower of Doom.

    "/Oh, have mercy on me!/" Sarah cried. She squirmed under him, as
if trying to find some means of escape, as if trying to relieve herself
of violation of her innocent flower of womanhood. "Oh gods, please, no!
No! No more!! I beg of you!"

    The guard grunted as he paused, as if for a moment, miraculously,
he was to heed her cries of terror and take pity on her. But then,
panting, he pushing himself up with his hands so that his chest hovered
above her, freeing her breasts to roll free, the look on his face still
one of stark lust and lasciviousness. He happened to shift his hips
just every so slightly forward just before resuming his pitiless rape
of the helpless princess.

    Sarah's mouth opened into a wide "O" and drew in her breath in a
sudden, shuddering gasp. His great thickness slammed into her once
more, but closer to the sensitive nub of the very center of her
womanhood. What had just been a frustratingly fleeting touch was now a
firm, unyielding stroke. She felt as if bolts of lightning had struck
her inner being, radiating from the point where she and her bestial
guard lay joined in bastardized union, overwhelming her senses.

    /Gods, about bloody time,/ Sarah thought. /This oaf doesn't know
the first thing about sex./

    Sarah angled her own hips now, as she was finally able to move, and
forced herself into even more contact with him. Now as he hammered down
into her, she was ready to receive him, and as the stiff flesh of his
manhood rammed into her over and over, her body rocked in time to it,
her cries rising as she did, rising with the intensity of the forbidden
pleasures that now stoked the fires of her own lust, burning inside of
her with shocking power.

    "Oh gods ..." Sarah murmured, her voice breathless as she panted
like an animal in heat. Perspiration broke out on her body. The fleshy
orbs of her bosom bounced brazenly on her chest as her whole body moved
under her, his thrusts so hard that his body slapped loudly against
hers.

    "Ohhh!" Sarah cried as pleasure escalated, soaring upwards, gasping
at the suddenness of it. Her body felt on fire, her mind drenched in
the slippery, liquid thoughts of her raw desire. Every bit of her in
contact with him fueled the rising carnal energy.

    Finally, it reached its peak. She shuddered and threw back her
head, and let out a long, loud scream, her thighs drawing her legs
around him, her hips bucking, the center of her womanhood throbbing
powerfully. As if in mockery of her climax, the guard never relented,
never paused, his mind focused selfishly on his own illicit pleasure,
his slightly louder grunting the only outward sign that he was rising
to his own crescendo of perverted pleasure.

    Then, even as her climax was still fading, her body responded to
him again, hot spikes of renewed pleasure striking at her from her
tender folds, even as the guard's movements became more frenzied and
less coordinated. This mattered not to the Princess, for now she thrust
her own hips to him in a parody of his rape of her, moaning loudly and
desperately, her wanton lust rekindled, her desire so intense it made
her slam her own hips to his body as hard he was coming down to her.
The surprised guard had no time to react to this, to keep extending his
torturous rape of her as he had been instructed. With a mighty shudder
his manhood trembled inside her and throbbed mightily inside her
tightly confined space. Sarah let go with one last ululating scream as
her nether regions once again throbbed in intense delight.

    The guard panted hard as he spilled his seed into her, groaning
until he finished his task. Pulling his now finally withering member
from her, he gave a small, sinister chuckle as the Princess went limp
on the bed, panting laboriously, her head lolling to one side. The
guard put on his loincloth and left. The heavy door slammed shut with a
resounding clang.

    Sarah moaned, the throbbing in her intimate reaches only now
fading, replaced by the  ache of abused skin and violated folds.

    /Oh gods ... oh merciful gods .../ she thought /... that was the
best fuck I've had in months!/

    A wide smile slowly came to her face.



    An evil and twisted smile stole across the Dark Lord's face as he
sat upon his Throne of Foulest Evil, the sounds of the Princess'
screams echoing with perfect fidelity up the Tower of Doom and through
the open door into the chamber. He had specifically designed the Tower
in this manner, so that no matter where his prisoners were, even in the
deepest bowels of the dungeons, he could enjoy their torment at all
times.

    "It has been too long, Inferno," Mallevelus said. "Far too long
since I have last heard a helpless girl's shrieks of raw terror!"

    Inferno, who was having his doubts that the Princess was
experiencing anything close to terror, said with a touch of sarcasm in
his voice, "Indeed, my Lord, and perhaps some day we shall hear them."

    The Dark Lord had been listening too intently to the shrill cries
of his prisoner to hear his Right Hand of Terror at first. He finally
glanced at him and uttered, "Hmm? I didn't catch that."

    "Ah, nothing, my Lord," Inferno mumbled. He cast a dubious look
towards the stairs again.

    "Oh, yes, Inferno, I shall quite delight in telling the Good King
Beneficus that I chose to punish her early!"

    Inferno rolled his eyes. /He chose to punish her?/ he thought
vehemently. /Not until after I suggested it!/

    "But I will not tell him at once, oh no!" the Dark Lord cackled.
"I'll wait. I'll wait until after he's lowered the Barrier and my
armies come charging through! And then I will tell him loud enough so
that his own fighting men will hear! And do you know what they will do,
Inferno? Hmm? Do you?"

    Inferno was tempted to say "applaud", but held his tongue. "What,
my Lord?" he asked instead.

    "They will become so demoralized, my armies will utterly destroy
them, that's what!" Mallevelus thundered, and he opened his mouth as if
to issue another diabolical laugh.

    "If I might be so bold, my Lord," Inferno said loudly, interrupting
him. "Might I suggest you consider what to do with our prisoner at
dawn?"

    The Dark Lord was about to reply but then paused as the last and
loudest of the Princess' screams issued forth from below, stretching
out like a twisted version of a singer's note, fading only slowly,
dissolving away to despairing coda of low moans until mercifully
silenced by the loud clang of the door to her cell.

    Inferno bristled and sneered.

    The Dark Lord chuckled wickedly. "And now the precious princess has
her first taste of what lies in store for her the longer her father
delays in giving me what I want!" he cried triumphantly.

    "Whatever we do to her tomorrow, my Lord," Inferno said with  a
voice that was almost a snarl. "It must be ten times worse that what we
have done to her tonight!"

    "I admire your enthusiasm, Inferno, but there is no need to rush
things. This is something to be savored, to be enjoyed like a fine
wine."

    "Begging my Master's pardon while he is waxing poetic," Inferno
said in a voice of exaggerated politeness. "But might I suggest that we
deliver her to your torturer upon daybreak, my Lord?"

    "Oh, now that is a bit much right on the first day, isn't it?"

    "But it's what we said we would do, my Lord," Inferno continued,
forcing himself to remain patient. "We would make her suffering worse
until ..."

    "Yes, yes, yes, I know all that! But how much use would she be to
us, Inferno, if we broke her too early and she no longer responded with
such gusto to her torment as she did this evening?"

    Inferno sighed. Whatever she was responding to with gusto in that
last scream, it was certainly /not/ torment.

    "Besides," the Dark Lord said, giving a self-satisfied little
smile. "She was already in such /awe/ of me she could not dare to
speak."

    Inferno stared at his master for a moment in disbelief, then
slapped his hand against his forehead and shook his head. /Satan's
tail,/ he thought. /The Dark Lord is smitten with her./

    "So, let's not rush things. Have her raped again tomorrow morning,
Inferno."

    "Raped? Again? But ...!"

    "And this time, make it two guards at the same time!" Mallevelus
said, his eyes narrowing to predatory slits, a lascivious smile on his
face. "Oh, yes, that shall be her treat for tomorrow morning! A fine
way to wake her up, wouldn't you say?"

    "But, my Lord, the Princess ..."

    "And have them spend a long, long time at it! Draw out her pain,
her terror!"

    "My Lord, I must tell you, I don't think ..."

    "Oh, wait! I have a better idea!" the Dark Lord cried, jumping out
of his throne. "Have them make her come to them! Have them make her
service them on pain of death!"

    "I really don't think that would ..."

    "And when we shall not only hear her screams of unrelenting horror,
but her whimperings and cries of utter humiliation as she is forced to
endure the wanton lust of ..."

    "/The Princess was enjoying it, you stupid git!/" Inferno bellowed.

    Utter and deafening silence fell. The Dark Lord cast his deadliest
look at the incubus. "What did you just say to me?"  

    Inferno forced himself to speak in a calmer voice. "With all due
respect to your Foulness, my Lord, I suspect that the princess may not
have been quite as terrified by her, ah, brutal rape as you wished."

    The Dark Lord frowned. He looked from him to the still open door
and back again. "Is this a /joke/, Inferno?"

    "No, Master, is it not."

    "Because if it is, I am /not/ laughing."

    "The lack of lightning and thunder would appear to bear this out,
my Lord."

    Mallevelus again looked back to the door. He stepped over to it and
peered down the spiral stairwell, as if expecting this to tell him what
he wanted to know. He looked back to Inferno. "Are you quite sure of
this?"

    "Yes, my Lord. Every time you laugh, the ..."

    "I mean the princess, you fool!" the Dark Lord shouted. "Are you
seriously telling me that she, that a daughter of a King, that a
refined ..."

    Inferno coughed.

    " ... pure ..."

    Inferno coughed again.

    " ... and delicate ..."

    And yet again.

    The Dark Lord stopped. "Are you catching cold, Inferno?"

    "Ah, no, my Lord. Please continue."

    "Er, yes, right. Anyway, that this young girl such as her, lay
chained upon a bed, inside the most evil of places in the World,
captured by the Foul One himself, having been stripped of all her
clothing, and then raped mercilessly by her guard, and you're telling
me that she /enjoyed it?/"

    "Yes, my Lord."

    The Dark Lord looked perplexed. "Unless ... he doesn't know how to
rape properly," he mused.

    "No, my Lord, he is quite accomplished at it. All the guards are,
it's a job requirement."

    "Or his manhood was not ungodly thick enough ..."

    "No, it was not that," said the incubus. "I check each one of them
myself, my Lord."

    The Dark Lord blinked. "You do?"

    "Do what, my Lord?"

    "Check each ... each one? Yourself? Personally?"

    "Of course I do!" Inferno said. "How else are we to maintain proper
quality among the guards?"

    "And ... uh ... what do you check for?"

    "Well, proper thickness, like you said. And length. It must be long
enough to make her feel like she's being impaled. And firmness, of
course. It must feel like a rock in her."

    The Dark Lord narrowed his eyes. "You're not ... you're not ..."

    Inferno raised an eyebrow.

    "... /gay/, are you?"

    Inferno recoiled. "Certainly not!" he cried indignantly.

    "I mean ... not that I'd object to that sort of thing," Mallevelus
said quickly. "After all, I'd like to think I'm a modern sorcerer, that
I'm with the times, you know?"

    "My Lord, I don't care if ..."

    "I mean, as long as you do the job well, why should it matter to me
what your orientation is ..."

    "/I AM NOT GAY!!/" the incubus bellowed. "I do not test their
/equipment/ in that manner! Can we /please/ get back to the subject at
hand, my Lord?!"

    "Um, yes, right." Mallevelus said. He drew himself up to his full
height. He paused. "Um ... what were we talking about again?"

    Inferno slapped his forehead again. "The Princess, my Lord," he
spat through clenched teeth. "And that she enjoyed her so-called rape."

    "So why did that happen?"

    "That is not important!" Inferno exclaimed, exasperated. "What
matters is that we do something to her that is far more torturous to
her than merely have a guard forcibly bed her."

    "Ah, I know!" the Dark Lord said, smiling evilly. "Turn her over to
my torturer!"

    "Yes, my Lord, why didn't /I/ think of that?" Inferno said dryly.

    "And make sure she is served a decent meal before that, Inferno,"
Mallevelus ordered.

    Inferno sighed. He should have seen that one coming. "Any
particular reason /why/, my Lord?" he asked sardonically.

    "Well ... she /is/ a princess after all," the Dark Lord said with a
small smile.

    Inferno gave in. He had what he wanted, an appointment for her with
the Dark Lord's torturer. He would concede this one. "Yes, my Lord," he
said simply.