"Oh, hello Mr. Tyler ... going ... down?"
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The missives below are merely opinions, publicly stated, but only
opinions. Dragons may be immortal, but they are not infallible. Read the
stories for yourself, and form your own opinions. Then, let the author
know what you thought. Celeste's blowjob principle isn't smoke in the
wind.
- Crimson Dragon ([email protected])
/~Crimson_Dragon
http://members.tripod.com/~Dragon_Of_Crimson
Review Archives:
/~Crimson_Reviews
Thanks to Denny for checking over the reviews for obvious
bungles, though ultimately any errors herein are mine and mine
alone.
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Story Summary:
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Naughty Night Nurse -- Krosis
(MF, con, impreg?)
[8,8,7,7]
Blind Date -- Dryad
(MF, Oral)
[9,8,8,7]
Exit Interview -- Jack C Lipton
(nosex, angst, reflection)
[9,5,9,8]
The Price of Prejudice -- Bradley Stoke
(FF)
[9,8,10,10]
S'mores -- Souvie
(MF, oral, food, flash-fic)
[10,10,10,10]
Walking the Dog [Chapters 5,6 and 7] -- smilodon
(MF, mystery, adventure)
[9,10,10,10]
The Silent Treatment -- Traffic Guy
(no sex)
[10,2,10,10]
Curtain Drawn -- Alexis S.
(MF)
[10,10,10,10]
Reviews:
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Naughty Night Nurse -- Krosis
(MF, con, impreg?)
Story:
http://assm.asstr.org/Year2003/40653
Other Stories:
http://assm.asstr.org/cgi-bin/field_search.cgi?search=Krosis&index
=name&submit=Search
Florence Nightingale syndrome. Our narrator is watching "Titanic"
for the second time in a theatre when disaster strikes. His stomach
cramps and massive abdominal pain sends him running from the
theatre. Now, given the situation (he watched that movie twice????),
I can understand the stomach distress. But this is where the realism
ends and the fantasy creeps in. Our friend manages to drive himself
to the hospital where he passes out. When he wakes up, a drop-dead
gorgeous nurse is checking his IV. She notices him staring, and he
abashedly looks away. Then the realism is *really* lost as they get
up to what you might expect from a story around these parts. And we
know, by the title, that our drop-dead gorgeous nurse is naughty,
right?
[ "Just a minute"{,} she said, heading back to the nurse's station and
around the corner. ]
Inside the quotes, please.
[ her bodacious ta-tas. Mr. Wiggly also showed himself again, now
standing at full {(seven inch)} attention as if the national anthem
was being played. Pulling up my gown, she raised her eyebrows at my ]
With a shake of my head, I won't even comment on "bodacious ta-tas"
or "Mr. Wiggly", but Krosis does come up with some interesting
euphemisms in this story. In fact, Krosis' creativity here was one
of the high points of the story.
However, I do wonder why Krosis felt it was necessary to give a
measurement on his narrator's penis in parentheses? Nothing
inherently wrong with doing so ... I merely wonder what purpose this
construction served that my imagination couldn't have supplied.
It's over described, as is a great deal of the overly long sex scene
here. But I do understand that many around these parts *like* overly
long sex scenes, and so this might appeal to these people more than
to me.
Now, this has been pretty negative so far, but the story does have
it's good points. For essentially a stroke piece, it is reasonably
well written. The characters are rather shallow, and the plot is
nearly senseless, but the fantasy is well described, and it is
certainly readable, if not deep.
Better, part of the plot revolves around our narrator attempting to
avoid, er, impregnation of our naughty bodacious nurse. In doing so,
he tries to imagine scenes that are, shall we say, less erotic than
what he might be presently engaged in. I have to admit that I really
loved that particular stream of consciousness. It gave me a big
goofy grin.
Anyway, more for the stroke folks, but entertaining even for others
in some ways.
Technical : 8
Eros : 8
Character/Plot : 7
Crimson : 7
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Blind Date -- Dryad
(MF, Oral)
Story:
/~Dryad/blinddates.html
http://assm.asstr.org/Year2003/40646
Author's Site:
/~Dryad/
Daphne is horny. I mean *really* horny. What's a girl to do?
She types in her password, and begins to wander chat rooms, of
course. After many disappointments online, she agrees to meet one
of the guys with whom she's been playing. He stands her up, but Matt
... no Matt doesn't stand her up. They meet at a McDonalds, and
you'll have to read the story to determine exactly what they get up
to.
I can't really decide if this was a stroke piece or not. The plot
is pretty much driven exclusively by sex, but somewhere underneath
there is subtle character in Dryad's protagonist. I can't say the
story is deep by any means, and the sex is slightly over-described,
but somehow, something ...
While I'm not sure that the premise of this story is the best or
safest way to cure the "horny blues", it does make interesting
fantasy.
Technical : 9
Eros : 8
Character/Plot : 8
Crimson : 7
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Exit Interview -- Jack C Lipton
(nosex, angst, reflection)
Story:
/~CupaSoup/interview.html
http://assm.asstr.org/Year2003/40606
Author's Site:
/~CupaSoup/
In the space of a heartbeat, a conversation takes place, one between
our narrator, and his Maker.
Depression isn't much fun -- I suppose that's why it's called
'depression'. It is nearly impossible for someone of normal
emotional staid to understand the depths of this illness, but I
think Jack has made an attempt here to describe some of the
underlying certainties and confusions that a depressive endures.
This piece may not make sense to everyone, but it touches on a very
difficult subject, and does a good job of it.
[ me through guilt. So even when she talks as if she's
{nterested} I avoid her. If {it wrong} at one time in
particular, it should be wrong all the time." ]
That pesky 'i' key sticking again, Jack?
Shouldn't that be: If it *is* wrong at one time ...
This story isn't really about sex though there is some sexual
scenes; it is about emotions, and all those things that make us
human. Don't take the Eros factor below too seriously. This story
isn't about Eros -- it's about something else fundamental to our
humanity. The will to live, and hope behind the darkness. And that,
in itself, makes it a good story.
Technical : 9
Eros : 5
Character/Plot : 9
Crimson : 8
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The Price of Prejudice -- Bradley Stoke
(FF)
Story:
/~Bradley_Stoke/03_The_Price_of_Prejudice.htm
http://assm.asstr.org/Year2003/40654
Author's Site:
/~Bradley_Stoke
In the war-torn Third Reich, two girls find each other amidst
confusion of passion and prejudice. Tanneka and Erika live in an
unspecified occupied country, and through the fragmentations of that
time, they end up at the same school. There, Erika's fair Aryan
looks attract the darker Tanneka. And one night, after curfew, while
studying Nazi propaganda, the two girls fall into each others' arms
and find out what love is all about.
Well, that is until one of them is forced to choose between ideology
and love. The result might surprise you.
[ ones, she was so clearly of the Aryan model. One so unlike
{anyone} of the leaders of the Third Reich whose pictures she
saw when she went ... ]
There are places for the single word 'anyone' but I think this would
read better with the separated words: 'any one' or simply 'any'.
[ aureole than those others. Thighs and arms, slim, almost bony{,}.
But like Erika, a secret revealed, folded and boldly naked, hidden
more ... ]
That comma key sticking again, Bradley?
I also had a few issues with differentiating the girls. That is
sometimes the danger of taking an omniscient point of view, and not
clearly delineating character breaks. I'm nearly sure that Bradley
mixed up the girls' names here and there -- it's easy to do, I've
done it many a time myself. For a story like this, it might have
been better to choose a first person role, or to take particular
care to ensure that we, the readers, don't have any doubts as to
whom we are seeing and experiencing. Bradley isn't bad at this,
don't get me wrong -- in fact, for most of the story we are firmly
in Tanneka's point of view, but occasionally it seemed to wander, so
I have to mention it. Perhaps it's merely those few wanderings that
served to disorient me.
I liked the story, even though the themes were exceptionally heavy,
even for Bradley. Bradley certainly makes us think. Some of the
images in this story aren't going to leave me for a while. As is
often the case, the themes of prejudice and hate and sheer cruelty
of our brethren are difficult to overcome, even at the best of
times. I can't say that I liked some of the underlying messages in
this story, but that doesn't matter. You see, what Bradley has
written here is realistic, even if it isn't an entirely happy story.
Read it. You'll see what I mean.
Technical : 9
Eros : 8
Character/Plot : 10
Crimson : 10
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S'mores -- Souvie
(MF, oral, food, flash-fic)
Story:
/~Souvie/smores.html
http://assm.asstr.org/Year2003/40656
Author's Site:
/~Souvie/
We do what we can with what we've got. Souvie's characters don't
have an open fire, nor quite the correct ingredients. But they make
do. Yes, indeed, they do.
S'more, please.
Technical : 10
Eros : 10
Character/Plot : 10
Crimson : 10
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Walking the Dog [Chapters 5,6 and 7] -- smilodon
(MF, mystery, adventure)
Story:
/~smilodon/dogdex.htm
http://assm.asstr.org/Year2003/40686
Author's Site:
/~smilodon/
Editorial Note:
Smilodon didn't code this story, nor is he required to. Story
codes are only approximate, as generated by a half-asleep Dragon.
I know it's not an excuse, but I'm hooked. I reviewed the first few
chapters, so I might as well give up and continue reading.
Sometimes the life of a reviewer is hard.
In this segment, we rejoin Martin, our Tax Lawyer/reluctant James
Bond, and the sexy Estonian sculptress, Angela, as they begin to
sort out what has descended into their lives. We find out more of
Martin's past, and of Angela's, while beginning to figure out why
people are chasing them around the English country-side.
Martin and Angela continue to grow closer, and once again, Smiley
leaves us with the two of them discovering each other in more, shall
we say, intimate ways.
As usual, smilodon has crafted a compelling story, his characters
living and breathing as we read. Technically, I noticed a few
things, but overall, the prose is very clean. I had some issues with
formatting, especially line breaks across word contractions, and
dialogue by multiple speakers buried in paragraphs, but none of
these, nor the following language issues affects the readability of
the piece. Overall, clean and easy to read.
[ "I think it's probably as Niall or Liam said. Cornell wanted { to me }
think it was all official so I'd cooperate if I knew anything. ... ]
The more common usage: Cornell wanted me to think.
Isn't this a split infinitive, otherwise? Perhaps Denny, or someone
else might verify that ...
[ It would have looked inviting even without her beside me. I
{ didn't sleep } too well the previous night, either. ]
Hmmmm. To be honest, I'm not sure that this is incorrect, but it
certainly reads awkwardly. Given the tone and style of the rest of
the story, I would have used: I hadn't slept very well the previous
night, either.
[ I detected a sudden change in her mood. I had the feeling that
{ she just } made a decision. She rolled away from me and lay
very still. ]
... that she just had made ...
I think would read better.
[ "I am having some trouble understanding all of this," she said.
"I understand about the money but not why they make all this
{ pretence }." ]
I can hear Denny, now. "Hey, waitaminute you eagle-eyed Dragon.
There's nothing wrong with that spelling or usage.
"
And he'd be absolutely right. I'm more used to seeing it spelled
'pretense', but that very well might be American, and of course,
Smiley isn't.
No, I pointed this out precisely because it is correct, and is a
valid spelling, at least according to my dictionary. I learned
something. And if you thought that the only way to spell the word
was 'pretense', you've learned something, too.
Another item that I noticed as I read through was that smilodon has
vastly reduced his overuse of the word 'just'. Many authors overuse
the word, whose meaning can range from 'only', 'merely',
'marginally', 'recently', or 'correct'. Smilodon, I think, has made
an effort in these chapters to reduce the usage of it, and it shows.
Or at least I didn't notice its overuse this time through. With the
vocabulary that I *know* smilodon commands, he shouldn't need to use
'just' very often. There are better words in most cases.
Overall, the story is progressing wonderfully. Beautiful sculptress.
Boring tax lawyer. Two oversized gorillas, er, body guards, er
security specialists. Two mutts. And a spiralling mystery. One has
to wonder where smilodon is going to take us.
Can't wait for the next chapters. Oh, wait -- er -- nevermind.
Technical : 9
Eros : 10
Character/Plot : 10
Crimson : 10
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The Silent Treatment -- Traffic Guy
(no sex)
Story:
http://assm.asstr.org/Year2003/40643
Other Stories:
http://assm.asstr.org/cgi-bin/field_search.cgi?search=The+Traffic+
Guy&index=name&submit=Search
John is forced to face himself. Alone in the kitchen, Charlie has
left, John sits and falls into himself. Things that were, and things
that cannot be. Helplessness, rage, depression, and foreboding.
While we never do determine what has caused it all, knowing why
isn't necessary. It's the journey here that makes the story.
I'm not quite sure what this piece was, but it is compelling. While
it may not be erotica in a classic sense, it certainly is worth
reading. There is a great deal of character and emotion expressed in
this short piece.
If you are looking for sexual content, and only sexual content, you
might want to pass this one by. Traffic Guy was pretty up front
about that with the (no sex) story code. But I certainly liked it
for what it was and what it represented. Very nicely done.
Technical : 10
Eros : 2
Character/Plot : 10
Crimson : 10
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Curtain Drawn -- Alexis S.
(MF)
Story:
/~Alexis_S/HIA_cd.htm
http://assm.asstr.org/Year2003/40616
Author's Site:
/~Alexis_S/
Morgan's marriage is falling apart. Anonymous pictures slipped
through her front door that show her husband, Richard, engaged in,
shall we say, another intimate liason sans Morgan. Morgan gathers
her belongings and runs towards an age-old cabin, somewhere
isolated, somewhere safe and familiar.
In the early evening, a noise outside awakens her: a stranger, tall
and dark and handsome, stupidly lost in the wintertime wilderness.
To turn him away would mean certain death. Morgan lets him him into
the warmth of the cabin, and with him, moves beyond her pain.
[ "Who's there?" Morgan shouted {from relative} safety of the cabin. ]
Missing article.
To say that this story is excellent is understating the issue.
Alexis' characters live and breathe, her settings are vibrant,
her symbols subtle and beautiful. From the damning photos to
the ultimate transferal, the Eros is subtle and well executed.
This is what erotica should be. I loved the winter, the
details, and the song of the aurora. You will too.
Technical : 10
Eros : 10
Character/Plot : 10
Crimson : 10
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