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"Virtuous Reality" by Celeste (Blowjob Principle demonstrated)
10, 10, 10
"Virtuous Reality" by Celeste ([email protected]). Guest review by Sandman ([email protected]). Celestology -- the study of Celeste. We all know that Celeste is an English teacher and thus qualified to grade stories. Did you know that Celeste is also a published author with a moderately successful romance novel under her belt? If you did, you probably have read her FAQ. What may be least known of all though is that Celeste has also published stories to these groups. To my knowledge not one has been reviewed in the CR and that seems a bit sad really. So I decided to correct this injustice. Celeste did not send me this story. This is an unbiased, impartial, unsolicited review. Hey Celeste! Remember that (9.5, 8, 5) you gave me a while back? {{EVIL GRIN}} In the earliest days of the Celestial Reviews, almost three years ago now, which is really ancient by Internet standards, there was a top- notch author called SueNH who published to these groups. Some of Sue's stories survive thanks to reposters, and some are lost forever even on dejanews. While today we have Janey, Bronwen, Kim, Leanna, and other very notable female authors it was people like SueNH who helped pave the way for women authors in what once was a group devoted solely to the adolescent desires of pimply-faced, sexually repressed (male) computer geeks. "Virtuous Reality" was written at the height of the Internet porn scare when AOL chat rooms suddenly became pedo hangouts topping the nightly news, when Senator Exxon had decided smut should be illegal, and every web page was black and had a blue ribbon. In the McCarthy-like atmosphere poor Sue starts feeling bad when she gets feedback from angry parents and when her co-workers start telling her how obnoxiously horny their husbands have suddenly become (as a result of Sue's stories of course!). With shades of "It's a wonderful Life" as Hugh Heffner would have done it, and Abbot and Costello (Who's on First?), the Goddess, er Angel, er, almost angel Celeste appears to provide research material for future stories and provide a little reassurance and encouragement to our dilemmaed damsel in distress! With tongue deftly in cheek, Celeste does the one thing every author that's ever set pen to paper salivates over: Celeste shows Sue how much her stories are really appreciated. At the time this was written it would have been described as hot, drop- dead hilarious, insightful, and a fun romp with familiar personalities of the day (much as today's authors romp in Malinov's orgy rooms). Today it is still all of this, but also serves as a poignant and timely reminder that as much as things have changed or as much as we THINK they have changed, life on ASS is pretty much the same though some of the cast and crew are different. After getting a story like this, I can not for the life of me imagine why SueNH ever left the newsgroup. Celeste, founder of the blowjob principal which almost everyone but authors ignore, demonstrates clearly, concisely, and with great exuberance the ultimate blow job ever given to an author of these groups. And the best thing of all is: we get to watch. {Celestial note: The "Blowjob Principal" is a man with a Ph.D. who runs a school in our system, whose ministrations I have never directly experienced. Sandman meant to say "blowjob principle."} There are only two faults with this story {SMILE}. For one we get the lack of blank lines between paragraphs that so annoy me until I get used to it (usually near the end.) Celeste uses blank lines to illustrate transitions between scenes rather than moments. Second, Celeste is too intelligent for her own good and we get a lot of words which are pleasing to authors but will send your average King, Grisham or pedo fan running for the dictionary -- something which paints a rather disturbing image of a flabby, middle aged man running down the hall with his erection bobbing in the wind as he rushes to look up a new word. But these are merely warnings to the reader; they are definitely not point reductions. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll kiss yer cum goodbye, and will be deftly shown Celeste's *REAL* credentials. Authors will enjoy this story more than the regular readers I think, because other than the fact that we don't have to worry about the obscenity police busting down our door, things really haven't changed. But I think it says a lot when I say that I think readers will find this story as erotically charged as any story published this, or any other, year. Ordinarily this review would go to Celeste with a recommendation that it be considered for this month's Top 20. Celeste won't put it on that list for obvious conflict of interest reasons. So you're just going to have to take my word for it that the story is good enough to be on the May 20, the 1998 100, and the 1990's 1,000. Ratings for "Virtuous Reality" Athena (technical quality): 10 Venus (plot & character): 10 Sandman (appeal to reviewer): 10+ |